[yusen]

If all goes well,, and we adopt 3 children,, How soon can my husband and I, have a get-together with family and friends after the children come home? We have many friends and family, that are really happy for us,, and want to meet the children.
Please share your experience.
Thank you,

Karen

[Max'smom]

It all depends on the age of your child and on their prior history. However generally I think most advise that you should wait a few months before having a big gathering where your child is being given a lot of attention by unfamiliar people. Smaller gatherings are fine as long as you don't pass the baby around to be held by a lot of other people.

[2Bulgarianbeauties]

I agree with the prior post that it depends a lot on the children. With my first daughter, I had a big baptism party for her 5 weeks after she was home. There were a lot of people hugging her and helping feed her. There was not problem, because she was attached, and knew who her mommy was. She was 25 months. Now, DD #2 is a different story. She is 3 1/2. I could tell from my first visit that she is going to have some attachment issues. So, I already sent out the note that said, nicely, don't call us, we'll call you. I am going to have her baptism about 3 months after she is home. Not sure how many people I will invite, or how much I will clamp down on others interaction with her. We will just have to see how it plays out once she is home.

You will have to wait and see how the children are adjusting and attaching. Trust you gut feel.

Kay

[momraine]

I think that because your adoption includes a bonding time, that by the time you get home, you will have a pretty good idea of how your kids react to things. Also you may want to be sure that wherever you have it there is an escape for the children. Yours are going to be young enough they may still nap, so perhaps having it at home where you can leave the party and put them down and then go back and people can give you all the attention. You can always decide to take them back early for a nap if they start to get cranky about the crowd. Leave DH and one or two trusted people to kind of keep the party going without you. When I had my first son we had his baptism and he got cranky and so I took him back to the bedroom to nurse and put him down. I think I ended up being gone for an hour, but everyone was fine with it. With our daughter we were able to do several things with smaller groups. Some people at church had a shower, and she was pretty clingy to me, and most people respected that, and my mother in law's friends also gave us a shower and she was hanging onto me there. Now, interestingly, I was a youth director at the time and with my youth group, she got out of my arms and crawled around. (the kids were sitting on the floor in a big circle and she crawled all over in that circle) she seemed much more comfotable with my youth kids than with adults. Of course those kids were also at the airport holding up banners and balloons when we got home with her.

With three you may want to have one other person there to hold one and kind of keep an eye on that one. That way you and dh each hold one and kind of protect them from overload. You may want to rotate through the party if you need to, but that way one adult is with the child kind of keeping them from getting overwhelmed at all times. A close friend or relative that understands attachment would be best.

[intladoptionblog]

We did small groups to start with, and made sure the kids were not too much the focus of the event. It's not 'show and tell', but slow introductions to the people who live in their new world.
Keep in mind how you'd be in the same circumstance, then take yourself back to when you were little and see how that might feel.

[hybell]

We did a baby shower between the two trips. Everyone was excited to get together, see pictures and video, and celebrate before our son came home. It was clear to us after that 1st trip that we wouldn't be having huge groups of visitors, so we used the shower as an opportunity to schedule a few special visitors and explain to others why they would need to wait.

When he did come home, we holed up. We did not allow any more than 3 visitors at a time, and no more than 1 group a day. My in-laws stocked our kitchen, and we didn't even leave the house for 2 weeks. Extreme? Maybe... but our little guy bolted in strange places. He had no clue that he needed to be at our side at all times. When people came over, he could shake hands, but only grandparents received hugs. He was only permitted to sit on our laps.

When we did leave the house, he was in our arms, in a stroller, or in a shopping cart. We eventually graduated to hand holding. At 10 months home, we are just beginning to experiment with walking next to me in public places without holding hands.

We still limit guests, as he has anxieties about people coming to the house. But he has no problems with large group gatherings elsewhere, so long as the people are familiar. He now comes to us to have his needs met.

It does depend on the child, but I would begin to lay the ground work now for limiting visits. With 3, you will need an extra hand or two to help out, but beyond that, you need to make sure the kids see you as parent and provider extraordinaire!