[Mindy82]

Hello Everyone,

I'm sort of a newbie, and in the past month or so, I have been reading everything I can about adoption of every kind... Whether it be International, Domestic, etc...

So... I have one question... I know there are many threads about single moms, but I guess i'm looking a little deeper.

I'm 24 years old, and have been dreaming about adoption for as long as I can remember... Although i'm not ready "right now", within the next 2 years or so, I would like to pursue an International Adoption.

I have been reading these forums, EVERYWHERE, including birth parents, and about domestic adoption, even though i'm really interested in an international adoption.

I was completely amazed when visiting the birthparents forum, of how many ladies make adoption plans, who are not teenagers. Many of them are quite a bit older than me, who simply felt their child deserved two parents.

I feel extremely guilty even thinking about something as life changing as an international adoption (or adoption of any kind for that matter), when it seems as though many parents who make adoption plans, are single, and older than I am, and hoping to place a child in a two parent home.

Please forgive me, i'm trying to write this in words that will not offend anyone.

So am I totally nuts, and selfish for wanting this? Your thoughts please, whoever you may be!

[LisArno]

I am biased, but I say great!!! I am a Special Education teacher and one of my four year old students was removed from his home due to years of abuse/neglect. The boy was going to be put up for adoption and my mom suggested I try to adopt him - and I seriously thought about that (a terrific foster mother had him and also wanted to adopt him, but he ended up with another relative far away). I was in my late 20s at the time, then thought again about adoption in my 30s - single both times. I'm now 40 and married and waiting to be matched with 2-3 kids from Poland, but if I wasn't married, I would have adopted a few years ago.


You are wise to wait a few years until you are older. Just be prepared for what it means to be a single parent. Do you have a supportive family/friend network that will give you some help? What's your reason for wanting to adopt - and why international? Are you truly aware of - and prepared for - the highs and lows that could occur? Are you financially able to provide for you and you child? Do you have much experience with children? Ready for 24/7? Just some thoughts...

Personally, I think having one good parent is better than a child growing up in foster care or in an orphanage. Yes, two parents may be ideal, but that isn't always possible, nor are two parents always best (I'm thinking back to my student above).

I hope there are some other single parents who are able to give you more advice.

[Mindy82]

First i'd like to say congratulations! 2-3 children! Wow! that's amazing...

Thanks so much for your reply... I guess I should have given a few more details. My mom, dad and brother, are extremely supportive, as I have been talking about this to them for as long as they can remember too!

I'm a little weary, because honestly, I don't know the true reason I want to adopt, only that I have wanted to for my entire life... I guess I feel in a way, that I wouldn't really want to bring other children into the world, when there are already so many who need homes... International? Quite honestly, any adoption would make my dream come true, but I live in Quebec, Canada, and the waiting list to adopt domestically is actually 8-11 yrs right now... Although i'm willing to wait, i'm not willing to wait that long..

Financial issues, are not even a concern... I'm quite well off... I've done good for myself in the few short years i've been in the work force.

Perhaps I don't know EXACTLY what i'm getting myself into, which is exactly why i'm here now.. .years before i plan to adopt... I just want to learn as much as possible, so I can be a good mom... I think it's the most important job in the world

[Kama2]

Hi Mindy,

I do not know why you are giving yourself such a hard time about this :-)... I think it is great, but I agree with LisArno (and you yourself!), that it is good to wait a couple of years. I am also someone who has thought about adopting for a long time... I am not exactly sure why, but I have some guesses... My father was adopted, first of all. I was absolutely in love with the series of books about Anne of Green Gables (I read ALL of them many times). For a long time as a child, I thought perhaps I was adopted (I do not think that anymore). So, I spent a lot of time since my childhood thinking about adoption, etc. I am married now, but when I was single I dreamt often of adopting and thought I would do it. In my case, I did not have the means, but you say that it is not an issue for you... So, in any case, good luck! I love it how you are inquisitive about all the different aspects and try to learn as much as possible. See you later,

[Mindy82]

Thanks Kama... So funny you should mention Anne of Green Gables! Wow, i've seen every movie so many times, I know all the words... and have read all the books!

Thanks so much for the encouragement... I know in my heart I can do it, but it is amazing how many people think it's a really bad idea... Not my friends or family or course, but others in my small town, seem to look at me like I had 3 heads... I know that's to be expected from people that don't know anything about it though

Just two replies, and I feel sooooo much better

Hugs girls

[HopefulAunt]

Mindy
I have yet to adopt a child, though my sister is in the processing of starting and she is single. What I can tell you is that I hope in a few years I will be able to adopt internationally as well. As for now I am a single mom to a Eden who is 2 and to Jessa who is 3. I am in the process of a divorce and when we decided to have kids I never once thought I would be raisin ghtem alone. Well I am, and I am having a blast! My kids are healthy and smart and know how loved they are. Their dad has no role in their life really except when I make him call the girls. I would love my kids to have a 2 parent home, but they are doing just fine with only me as a parent. It is tiring and exhausting at times, but I wouldn't change it for anything. SO I say take all the time you need to research and learn the process and then go for it. Every child deserves a family and someone who loves them. There are all sorts of families out there in different sizes, shapes, and combinations. None of them are better then the others, all that matters is that they all love eachother. Just my opinion
Brittany

[iwrite]

I'm in the same boat as Mindy... In fact, she and I have started talking through PMs. You can even see by my little ticker in my signature that I have the time pinned down when I'll be able to start the paperwork! I'm waiting until I get my education finally over and paid for, which will take about two years, and enough time to kick my career off (I'm a journalism major).. I did the calculations and I decided that I would start in the summer of 2010. Until then, I'm reading this forum, keeping up to date on the latest adoption news and information, and getting my life together.

[bluevalentine]

I am 27 years old and will be starting in about 12 - 15 months, which is when I figure i'll have all my debt paid off and have saved about 1/2-3/4 of the total I'll need. I know your feelings though. I have come across very few young, single adoptive parents and I always felt like I was in the minority

[mommyoftwo]

I was 25 when I got my daughter through the foster care system. She was a year old. I am now 34, still single, and have added a son to my family. My family was, and is still very supportive.

[Weezyreid]

I am 27 this month, and adopting from Ethiopia...and Single. I had no idea there were so many young singles...its great to see everyone.
I am waiting for dossier to go over to Ethiopia in June/July.
Louise

[teachermom]

I think you must be a very insightful and sensitive person. You are doing a lot of research and asking the right questions.

I cannot say I relate to being a single mom. My husband and I have a son, a daughter (adopted from Korea) and hopefully will be adopting two from Vietnam.

My cousin however is starting the adoption process from China. She is has always been single and just turned 40. Everyone is thrilled for her. The way she felt is that she would never purposely bring a baby into the world to be raised just by her, but these children are here and need a home, a parent. I think it is wonderful. The more homes that we can find for the children around the globe is a day we all should rejoice.

As far as waiting or not waiting to start the process, no one can really say but you. You know your life and yourself. There are 24 year olds who are ready to be a parent whether single or with a husband. Then there are some 34 year olds who are still not ready. I really think the age thing is irrevelent. People mature and are at different places in their lives at different times. Anyway, just my opinion.

Good luck to you. The journey to your future child will be amazing, even with all the ups and downs

[kazmama25]

Hi All,


I usually post on the Kazakhstan forum but saw this thread and couldn't resist replying. Though not single, I'm a younger adoptive mommy- the youngest our agency had ever worked with. I was 24 when we started the process and barely 25 on my daughter's Gotcha' day. :-) While my husband is 6 years older than me, I am definitely the nurturer and then one who first brought up IA. I too had dreamed of adopting for as long as I can remember.

We've been home with our amazing daughter for 6 months now and can't imagine life without her. My best advice to ANY adopting parent is to educate yourself as best you can on the whole IA process. Depending on the country, you can expect a long or short stay in country (in our case 6 weeks) and the process is pricey (but so worth it). I've never thought that I was too young to become an adoptive mom. By far it is the most rewarding thing I've ever done and we're already talking about a second adoption.

Good luck on your journey!!

[pequele]

I have just started thinking of doing this. My childhood friend and her husband just adopted a beautiful baby girl from China back in Nov. I know the piles of paperwork and horrid waiting they went through, but I also know they'd say it was well worth it in the end...and I have heard that much like labor you soon forget the "pain" and only see the joy. I am glad I am not the only one with questions though. I have been considering Russiaor Kazakhstan. I am 33, single, never married and no kids. I am an only child but my parents live within an hour from my home. I THINK the reason I am considering adoption is that my time to have children is running out! I really don't want to be in my 50s going to little Johnny or Susie's kindergarten open house or soccer games, worry about breaking a hip while playing with them in the yard, etc! Does this make sense or is this going to get me a failing grade on my psych eval? I know I'd never consider a domestic adoption either only for fear of my forever child being taken away from me in the future by his/her biologicals! I don't plan on adopting tomorrow as I would have to financially plan the process since I seem to work for a company that provides no adoption assistance and I live in a state that has no state income tax and therefore would receive no tax credit except on the national level. I'd rather save for the costs than take out a home loan...what have others done (I guess that is another board discussion hehe).

So am I too crazy for considering providing a forever home as a single parent? Is it cruel to the child to bring him/her into a home with no aunts, uncles and cousins (my aunts, uncles and cousins live on the other side of the country!). Am I being selfish?

[jumpingfroggy]

I am single parent who once asked these types of questions. Here are the conclusions I came to about being a single parent:

A married couple could get divorced next year. A single parent could meet someone and get married next year.
Basically, in the current culture marrtial status can change. There are so many reasons to decide to adopt or not. I would hate for you to let this be the only thing keeping you from doing it.

[pequele]

jumpy, what's your experience. did you adopt? can you give me details, age, from what country, what you thought of the process....sorry to be so nosy but I'm just learning here. thanks