[SABTeacher]

DH and I are researching international adoption. I feel overwhelmed by the choices. I can't decide on which country to adopt from and which agency to use. Just when I think I've decided, I feel like I want to change my mind.

Did anyone else experience this? How did you decide? I am interested in programs in China, Korea, and Ethiopia, and I don't know how to decide which is the best for us.

Thanks,
Shari

[JunipersMom]

I am a HUGE believer (having been through it and seeing so many other go through it) that your baby finds you. The reason its overwhelming right now might be because your baby isn't ready yet. Keep looking into all your interested in and maybe at some point you'll have a reason to pick one over the other and hopefully it will all just fall into place!

[bluedaisy]

I had long been interested in international adoption but it had never been the right time, and none of the programs I read about seemed just right. Then, last fall, I learned about the Ethiopia program, and it just clicked, for a variety of reasons. We now have a referral for a wonderful little boy whom we hope to bring home in the next month or so.

Here are some of the things I liked so much about the program:

• The excellent care at the care center run by our agency--the nannies are attentive, and there is a great ratio of caregivers to babies.
• The real need in Ethiopia
• The people are beautiful and the culture is amazing.
• It's relatively affordable, for international adoption
• The children who do survive in Ethiopia, against such odds, tend to be fighters.

I've been so pleased with our decision. There's a thread in the Ethiopia forum about "why Ethiopia," so you might take a look at that too.

[lwils89701]

of the agencies had waiting list for singles wanting to adopt from China....long enough that most were not even willing to add a new name to the list.

So I analyzed some more...health of children, wait time from dossier to referral, age of children available, length of time from referral acceptance to travel, fees, cost of travel and stay, which countries regs allowed for a single woman over 35 to adopt, etc., etc.,

My agency suggested Kahkistan stating they had a wonderful and experienced facilitor in that country with good contacts and no wait for a referral....but the program later fell apart. I then chose Azerberjan, because the agency stated it was their most stable program and I should have my child home in 6-8 months. So my dossier was redone and made it to the hands of the facilator in that country just when the ministry decided to 'temporarily' stop accepting applications for foriegn adoption pending an internal investigation and adoption of a new law. Weeks turned into months and I decided to stop waiting. I also started looking for an alternative to my agency!

I was uncomfortable with the countries that did not refer a child to you, but rather approved you as an adoptive parent and you then had to travel to search for a child in the country who met the orphan requirement and were available for adoption. Too scary for me...I had no experience with international travel.

I had begun to doubt that adoption was the right thing for me and was beginning to consider how to shape my life without children in my future. Then I talked to a neighbor who had adopted from China and knew a single lawyer who had just adopted an infant from Guatemala in less than 4 months (atypical) and was in the process of adopting a second. She suggested I talk to her.

Everything suddenly just started falling into place. I guess you could say the country chose me!

In all seriousness though, I believe I was 'guided' to my children and we were meant to be together. We are family!

Good luck on your quest!

[Mindy82]

Another place that is great for singles over 35, and not too far away, and escorts available is Haiti! it's a beautiful place, with beautiful babieS!

[SABTeacher]

Thanks to you all for sharing your thoughts. I guess I'm having a hard time selecting because all the babies are beautiful and I'm interested in all the cultures!

bluedaisy--I couldn't agree with you more. I am very interested in Ethiopia and I think the people and culture are beautiful. Congrats on your baby boy! I can't wait until you can go get him.

I guess like JunipersMom said, I just have to wait for the country/child to find me. I hope to make a decision soon!

Shari

[randloar]

I can completely relate to your feeling on not knowing how to pick between the different countries, we struggled with that too because several of the countries "fit us". We whittled it down to say our 3 favorites, then tried to find more information however we could that would distinguish between them, we called people (not worrying about agencies at this point, that is the next struggle), posting on boards, etc.

From the information we got, we made a spreadsheet (yes, my dh is an engineer!), and across the top listed our countries, and on the vertical listed the things that mattered to us (ie, child age, length of travel, health, cost). We tried to list those in order of priorities to us, and ended up having a pretty clear choice which country worked best for what we needed. (we did the same thing with agencies by the way and it really helped to differentiate them!).

We also chose based on a culture we would want to learn more about and teach to our kids. We did a lot of web searching to learn a bit about each of our favorite countries, and that helped narrow our choice as well!!

Quite a bit of our choice was gut instinct (or as someone else said more eloquently, "that your baby finds you"), and we listened to it, and although we haven't traveled are very happy with our choice and wouldn't change it for anything (we are going to Kazakhstan). Early on, once we picked, I had the thoughts going throug my head that we should have picked xxxx country instead, but once we settled in, that completely disappeared. Everyone has different needs, so you will know which country is right for you, just trust your instincts, and it will happen!!! Good luck and let us know what you decide!!

[Mindy82]

Everyone has great advice... And another way to narrow it down (not sure this applies to anyone) is to really make sure you know all the country's requirements, ie, age of children, age of adoptant, are singles accepted?

I know if you are of a "normal" age and married, most countries are available to you... I know for me, i'm having a hard time finding even one country! But I know this is because I am single, and currently only 24... That's why i'm starting my research now!

[tjbg8tr]

We are also researching agencies and feel very overwhelmed with all of the information packages, email lists and internet information. We have selected Taiwan, which at least narrowed it down a bit.

We have a shortlist of 3-4 agencies now and are trying to find out as much as possible on them. We want to pick the best agency for us, as we realize this is probably the only part of the process we can control.

I certainly feel the same way you do.


Tammy

[JenNE]

I totally agree with Randloar - making a chart with the information in the packets can be so helpful. Sometimes the brochures can seem so overwhelming, and you're flipping pages, etc. but once you get it all mapped out in front of you it becomes clearer. That way, you could also see at a glance which countries are definitely out (if you don't meet certain requirements or the children aren't the right age for you, etc.) and then your decision might be made for you! Or at least it'll be quite narrowed down. Once you get down to a few, "go with your gut!"

[sis2kensia]

Originally Posted by SABTeacher

DH and I are researching international adoption. I feel overwhelmed by the choices. I can't decide on which country to adopt from and which agency to use. Just when I think I've decided, I feel like I want to change my mind.

Did anyone else experience this? How did you decide? I am interested in programs in China, Korea, and Ethiopia, and I don't know how to decide which is the best for us.

Thanks,
Shari

My parents didn't choose Haiti in the beginning - we fell in love with a baby on a missions trip and they adopted her...then they adopted another baby a year later. My husband and I are getting ready to adopt and have been researching our options very carefully. Haiti is and always has been our first choice for several reasons:
1. You can go to Haiti and visit your child(ren) before you commit to them or during your adoption process.
2. You can get infants home under 1 year.
3. You can adopt from an orphanage or a family run home and in many programs the kids are well cared for in loving enviroments.
4. The fees are some of the lowest in adoption ($5000 - $7000)
5. The children are gorgeous and the need for families is so great - Haiti is the 2nd poorest country after Ethiopia and has a huge number of orphans.

We were concerned that Haiti wouldn't approve us because of our ages (we're young) but we just found out that we will be able to adopt next year when my husband turns 28. So we're excited.

We looked at Ethiopia too - which seems like a great option but we wanted to be able to travel to the country we adopt from in the future, to really embrace the culture and we felt Haiti was a little more feasible in that way. It also was considerable more expensive. We looked at Liberia too - but we've heard quite a few negative things lately about the organizations processing adoptions there and just didn't feel real comfortable with it. Also - I've heard of many people coming home with children with serious medical issues they weren't aware until the child got home and I'm just not ready for that right now.
So - thats more than you asked, but thats where we are!

Hope it helps some....

S. :-)

[Kama]

Everybody so far has offered great advice... I would only add that I think it is really important to choose to adopt from a culture in which you truly feel interested. I know that you stated that you are interested in all cultures, but perhaps you can think in terms of your resources in the community where you live and that your baby will find resources and individuals/groups to get involved in (language classes, large community from the country of origin, etc.). I am in the process of adoption from Poland, and for me there was no question that I wanted to share my Polish roots and traditions, and since there was an adoption program in Poland, I chose it (even if I was warned it takes a long time and the children may be a bit older). If Poland does not work out, I would probably try a country and culture that is close (Bulgaria or Ukraine). My friend (who is Jewish herself) adopted from Honduras years ago and that was because she was passionate about Central America and interested in the language and culture of her adopted children. In sum, I think in trying to make a decision you should not focus on how "quick or easy" the process promises to be (countries that are quick and easy sometimes turn out not to be like this, for example Ukraine adoption to the US was suspended last year very suddently). As someone else said, do follow your heart and the decision and process will feel right. Good luck!