[lalee901]

What can I do prior to homestudy? Is there anyhting else besides getting birth and marriage certificates together before the homestudy?
We know we are going to adopt internationally from Ethiopia but I am trying to get money together and wanted to know in the mean time what I can do? Thanks for your help.

Lanora

[cwhammond]

I know w/ Kaz we had to have bank letters, mortgage letters, employment letters (all notorized), references from friends (3-4 different). Things are probably different for Ethiopia but your agency should be able to give you a heads up on what to start gathering. Also, if you've picked the agency you're going through you need to send in you I-600A (I'm assuming you've done this already). Hope this helps.

[randloar]

I only know Kaz rules, but I would be careful on some of the things you pull together (mortgage, employment letters, etc), because they have a lifespan of up to 6 months for some of them. And the medical letter is only good for 3 months.

Of course these timelines could be different for Ethiopia, but be careful as it is a hassle each time you have to redo these, and there is a good chance you will have to do so anyways before you travel!

Just my two cents! And congrats on starting the process!!

[lalee901]

Thats true i know different things are good for only a certain amount of time. And yes I choose an agency thanks for the heads up.

Lanora

[sak9645]

Your best bet is to prepare yourself for being a parent. Many of the actual adoption-related paperwork tasks are time-sensitive, and doing them too early will mean that you must spend more time and money redoing them.

First off, get a lot of exposure to young children. I spent over 450 hours as an evening volunteer at a children's hospital before I adopted. Basically, I was allowed to do anything non-clinical, so I changed a zillion diapers, rocked, fed, dealt with tantrums, dealt with homesickness, held children during minor procedures, played games with children, etc. I also got a "closeup" view of nurses taking rectal temperatures and doing other tasks that Moms normally do at home. I cleaned up vomiting kids and experienced poop explosions. By the time I went to China to adopt my daughter, I felt very confident of my ability to deal with almost anything!

While you may not want to/be able to find similar opportunities in your community, there are probably other things you can do that involve kids. There may be opportunities to take children living with HIV or other serious illnesses, or who come from disadvantaged homes, on Saturday outings. There may be opportunities to mentor children. And so on.

Buy a really good parenting book, and read it cover to cover at least once. My favorite is "Caring For Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age Five", by the American Academy of Pediatrics. It will help you understand the children with whom you are working, and will suggest ways of dealing with things you may encounter with your new child. Photocopy some relevant pages to take with you to the foreign country, so you don't have to carry the whole book.

Second, get yourself physically in shape for parenting. If you are overweight, go on a diet. If you are sedentary, set up an exercise routine. And stick with the diet and exercise. You will find that the trip to the foreign country is less difficult if you can handle a lot of walking while carrying your child, and you will also be better prepared to remain in good health as a parent.

Get out of the habit of keeping "junk food" in the house, or going to McDonald's. The best way to teach a child good eating habits is to practice them yourself. Find some healthy, tasty recipes that can be made even if you have a busy schedule -- for example, using a crock pot.

Third, do things that you probably won't have a chance to do once you become a parent. Take a mini-vacation with your spouse at one of those country inns that have antique furniture and other non-kid-friendly items. Redecorate or remodel a room in your house. Join a choir or a bridge club. Study a foreign language -- maybe Amharic, in your case. Take some more courses towards that advanced degree you want, or towards getting a promotion at work. Learn a skill that you'd like to have, such as painting faux finishes.

Fourth, work on your social support network -- something you'll really need as a parent. If you haven't nurtured relationships with your extended family in the past, try to build bridges to them now. Get involved with an activity in your house of worship -- maybe painting the bathrooms at the preschool or participating in a religious study group -- to meet new people. Get involved in your neighborhood association. Do kind things for neighbors and friends. They will be more willing to help you in the future, if you have helped them in their time of need.

Fifth, get to know the resources available in your community for children and parents. Start making a list of pediatricians recommended by adoptive parents you know. Learn about the child care options in your community, if you and your spouse will both work outside the home. Check out the local playgrounds, adopted child playgroups, children's storytelling sessions, and so on.

And, although I hate to mention it, check out counseling and other services available in your community, if your child should happen to come home with attachment, sensory integration, or other issues, or if you find that you show signs of post-adoption depression.

Sixth, identify community resources that will help you celebrate your child's racial and ethnic heritage. Get to know people who have adopted from Ethiopia, and see if there are any local adoption support groups focused on your child's country. Get to know people of Ethiopian heritage, and go to activities in their community. Get to know families of Black children in general, since besides celebrating your child's Ethiopian heritage, you will be dealing with the issues of raising a Black child in a society that has a certain degree of racism.

Develop a financial plan, possibly in conjunction with a reputable financial planner. Remember that you are not just figuring out how to afford an adoption. You need to figure out how to afford the high costs of raising a child to adulthood. Pare down your expenses on non-essentials. Pay off high interest credit cards. Develop a budget. And so on.

If you do some or all of these things, you will not only make the time go faster. You will wind up being a better parent to your child.

Sharon

[lalee901]

Sharon Ok wow things i didn't think of. The parenting thing and the ethnic thing down we have a large Ethiopian population here and I network with them and considering I am AA I have that part too I don't have to worry about but all the other thousand things lol I definatly could work on. Taking another foreign language would definatly help. Redecorating a room sounds like a challenge and we all could use being a little more healthy. You are too good. Thank you.

Lanora

[bluedaisy]

Lanora, I want to second the recommendation to connect with Ethiopians in your area. Even though you are AA, you will still want your child to connect Ethiopian culture in addition to AA culture.

You might want to start looking at books (fiction and non-fiction) about Ethiopia and start eating Ethiopian food, if you don't already (yum!).

I would also read up on adoption. I recommend the Family of Adoption by Joyce Maguire. I still think it's one of the best books on adoption I've read.

[lalee901]

I think tht is the best thing about living in Columbus because we have a huge African population. We have market restaurants , centers etc. Specifically Ethiopian and Somolian and i have made lots of friends from some of them being co-workers etc. Columbus has the biggest African population in the US. I am going to take advantage of that especially when it comes closer to time. I think our child will have that advantage over other communities. So you are definatly right about that and I have taken that into consideration I am AA not Ethiopian its a whole different ballgame.

My daughter (5) loves the idea of adoption. She kept asking me because she didn't understand at first because to her babies come from mommy but I am going to get her some more childrens books to explain. Any ideas?

Lanora