[ggman]

Hey all--

I posted this question a few weeks ago on the Haiti board, but didn't get much response, so I thought I'd post it here too.

First a little background-- We are in the process of adopting from Haiit-- we are now waiting for our I171H and anticipate our referral within the next two months.

I was wondering how you selected names for your internationally adopted children? We are trying to decide if we just keep their given name, keep part of it, change it completely.... we just don't know what's best! We've requested a child under 12 months at referral, so it will be an infant, but didn't know the impact of changing his/her name...

What are your thoughts?

[spaypets]

Well, there are various opinions about this, but this is what we did. Our DD came home at 18 months from India and we changed her name.

We did so mainly for selfish reasons--naming a child is very important in my culture and names are often selected to honor a relative. And in many ways it was the first parenting decision we made, one we took very seriously.

Our decision was confirmed when we learned what our daughter's Indian name was -- it was not a name that would sound familiar to Americans (some Indian names do). In fact, we weren't exactly sure how to pronounce it. Had her name been more adaptable we might have used an element in her name (for example, naming her Greta -- a name we considered -- if her Indian name had been Gita).

Our daughter adapted quickly to the name change. We had written the orphanage and told them the name we'd chosen. I'm not sure the message filtered through, but it might have--she adjusted to the new name very quickly (within hours) and seemed to like it. We very quickly dropped the Indian name from what we called her.

While it isn't part of her legal name, we do talk about how it was her name in India. She knows what her name was there. So it's not like it's lost, it's just not part of her legal name.

[2Bulgarianbeauties]

Ditto Spaypets. I named my DD after my grandmother and my mother. By chance, the birthmother's name was a polish version of the name I had chosen.

Now, for DD #2 (expected home in March) I have been struggling with a name. So, I may take the birthname, or the birthmother's name and americanize it.

Kay

[MMC66]

I didn't do international adoption but I think the principles are similar.

Now this is just my opinion and worth just as much as any one elses I believe that a name is an important part of a child's past and to delete it would be like deleting part of their history and birth culture. Unless a name was offensive in the english language (and there are some) I would include it, as the first name, the only middle name or as a second middle name.

In our case, our daughter's birthmom had a name picked out for her and we chose to use it to honor her and we chose the middle name.

Just my .02

Martha

[Remmy]

We did both.

We adopted two children from Russia in December 2004. We kept our daughter's name the same, because we just thought it was so beautiful. We just changed her nick-name, which she picked up one right away (she was 18 months old).

Our son, who we adopted at the same time, we changed his name. His given name was one that would be sure to send him home crying at some point, so that made us feel better about changing it. (he was 11 months old at the time). He did really well, and picked up on it right away also. We did not keep his given name as a middle name either. He will always know what it was, but it is not a name that is used in the United States, and we had family names chosen already for their middle names.

Good luck. There is no right or wrong answer here. Whatever you decide is right for you and your family.

[mom3times]

My girls were adopted as infants and we decided to keep part or their names as middle names. We choose the first name and with our daughter from Korea we used her two first names as her middle name.
Our daughter from the Philippines had a very common and American name and we choose to keep her middle name in the Philippines as her middle name.
Both girls, who are teenagers now, say they are glad that they have part of their pre adoption name.

[spaypets]

Martha, with all due respect, I don't think changing a legal name _deletes_ history. Indeed, the name will always be part of the child's history. My daughter's Indian name _is_ her history. Choosing not to include it on legal documents doesn't delete it. We recognize it, talk about it and know what it means. It just isn't on her American birth certificate.

[Lissa]

When we were in the process of adopting hubby and I decided that if Lydia had a name given to her by her birthparents (left in a note) we would keep tht name no matter what it was. We knew this was EXTREMELY rare, but we felt it was important. We also decided that if her name was given to her by a significant person or event we would also keep that name. (For instance if it was the name given to her by her foster parent or if she was named after the individual who found her.) We knew that this too was a rare occurance, so we had the name Lydia Xin Qian picked out for her as we assumed she would likely have a name given to her by an orphange that had little meaning. As it ended up, she was given an "orphange name", but one with meaning. She is one of the many Hong___'s of her group. Lydia was Hong Hua, there was also a Hong Ming, a Hong Ting, a Hong Xin, etc. Wanting her to have her own identity and yet maintianing that tie to her crib mates we kept Honghua as her middle name and dropped Xin Qian.

[Colorbind love]

Our sons both came home older (7.5 and 4). They were both named by their birthparents. Niether was removed from their birthfamily due to abuse nor neglect but rather voluntary relinquishments at older ages due to medical circumstances.

As such, we felt it was only right, proper and honoring to retain their names as they were. We did change the spelling in younger son's name when we learned that the common American mispronunciation meant Devil versus conciousness as the name was intended to mean. So, to guide to the appropriate pronunciation (or as close as an American tongue can get anyway) we dropped one letter in the spelling.

Names are not a one size fits all situation. There are many things that need to factor into a name or a name change. The age of the child is the easiest consideration, but not still everything by itself.

You need to consider the age of the child, the name and its acceptability into American society (there are some names in Haiti and Liberia that were be pure torture on a child in America). Where the name came from, what are the associations with the name (good versus bad) and if the child is old enough to express an opinion then what they think.

Ultimately, you have to make what you feel is the best decision for your child, your family and your circumstances. But, here's something people really forget about. If you make a mistake, it costs $40 to register a name change. And a minor can do it if their parents consent. Its really NOT a big deal. If your kid turns 15 and hates you because you screwed up their name, then let them change it. If they turn 25 and decide they were a fool, then they can change it again.

[snvanvl]

My husband and I adopted 2 children from Ethiopia. We decided to give them American first names and keep their Ethiopian names as their middle names. When we picked up our children we realized it was offensive not to keep their names in some form so we are glad we decided what we did.

Also you have to remember this is part of your childs identity and this is a chapter in their life that is unique to them.

Christy

[hjdeth1]

I adopted 4 older children from Ukraine. Each name evolved a little differently:
ds#1 -- was told his birth name was Andrew with no middle name, kept Andrew and added Jacob. then found out his birth name had been Andre Alexander which I would have kept intact had I known earlier. No problems with the name change since he had been called andrusha in the orphanage. he was 6.9yo

dd#1 -- kept birth first name, added Rachel as middle name. she loved it. she was 5.6yo

ds#2 -- moved birth name to middle name because Vycheslav would have definitely made him stand out here. He then chose his new first name, James, after several male relatives in our family. He adamently refused to answer to anything but James immediately upon choosing it. He was 6.6yo

dd#2 -- loved her Ukrainian first name Tatiana and couldn't bear to part with it. had chosen her middle name to be Alexandra after my Ukrainian aunt who is the reason I have 4 Ukrainian children. At the court hearing found out that my daughter's middle name was already Alexandra. she was 7.4yo.

My youngest daughter has 2 older siblings that were adopted by my best friends at 12yo and 13yo. The kids both chose to Americanize their first names and choose new middle names when they were adopted.

What I have found with the older children is that they are already VERY aware that by EE custom the middle name "links" them with their families so it is VERY important to most of them that their names reflect their new family links. Involvement is the key. Unlike an infant or toddler, I feel that older children almost have to be involved in any name changing decisions for it not to adversely affect them.

On the other hand, if I were adopting an infant, I would most certainly give the child a name of my choosing. Naming your children is one of the first decisions that allows the child to truly be "enveloped" by family tradition and your love.

Each family must decide what is right for them and be comfortable with it. This is one of those decisions that lasts a lifetime.

[maritza]

Hello. My adoptive parents are American and they adopted me from Panama at the age of 2 months. They brought me to the U.S. when I was 3. They completely changed my name I like my name but I wish they would have kept part of my bilogical name...either "Maritza" or "Paz" for my middle name. Good luck on finding a wonderful name for your new baby!

[beachdreams]

Prior to receiving our referral we had said we would consider keeping the name that was given to our daughter. However, upon receiving our referral and learning of the name the attorney gave her, we decided to change her name. Her first name does not bring great thoughts in our country and her middle name would not be understood. We decided to go with another name.

[bekalynn]

We did keep our son's birth name (first name) as his middle name and are giving him a first name of our choice.

We did have a 'back up' middle name that we'd chosen in case we did not feel that his full birth name would not have transitioned well into our culture, which is simply a truth we must realize.
There are many names which are common within the Latin American culture that are extremely odd here and I did not want to leave him with a name that would have caused him ridicule or discomfort as an adolescent.

Luckily, we didn't have to worry about that, as I love his birth name.

[ggman]

Well I really appreciate all the advice on your situations!

Here's what we are thinking...

We are going to choose a first name and keep some part of his/her name for the middle name.

If it's a boy we are going to give him my husband's first name (Nicholas) and if it's a girl I think we are going to name her Alanna.

We just learned that we will probably have a referral in a few weeks! Will keep you posted...