[dvona]

I dread the approaching holidays, as I feel that they are a time for families and of course I am still waiting to start mine. I never would have dreamed that I'd go through 2 more childless holiday seasons while waiting to adopt. Does anyone else find the holidays a particularly tough time to be childless? Do you have any suggestions for me---the thought of sitting at my inlaws watching everyone else help their children unwrap packages seems more than I can bear.

dv

[tarynbrook]

Hi There,
I am sorry that this time of year is so hard for you right now as you wait once again for a child of your own. We have not waited years (yet), but still dream of our child during the holidays as well. Let your family know this time is hard for you, reach out to them for support. Spend time with their children too, and let them know that they will soon have another cousin, second cousin or friend etc. to play with someday soon. I try to give my niece and nephew extra attention now, as someday almost all of it will be on our little one. I know that it is hard to be happy for others who have children when you yearn for your own, and I hope that you have news of your child soon! What country are you adopting from? How far along are you in the process? Take care of yourself, and let us know how things are going! Maybe this time next year we will both be Moms
Best Wishes ~ Taryn

[citymom]

Excellant advice, Taryn!
May I also suggest volunteering at a homeless shelter. It is so sad but many kids will spend their holidays there with little or nothing to open.
Good luck, Dvona. Things will get better. Your turn is coming.

Shannon

[dvona]

Thanks for the words of support and encouragement. I started my paperwork 22 months ago and I was told I would have a child by last Christmas. I'm sorry to say I took that VERY hard. I would never have dreamed the same would be true this year. There have been so many disappointments over the last 11 years in regards to trying to start a family that I think I no longer can feel this will actually happen for me. Our INS paperwork is expiring this week, but we have not given up yet. We have redone all of our paperwork and are now pursuing a Russian adoption. I work with disadvantaged children everyday and I'm very close to the nieces and nephews on my side of the family. But somehow I find these things difficult to do at the moment. Perhaps it has just been too much for too long already.

dv

[ahnasmom]

DV-

One thing I have done in the past; each holiday season, during our struggle to have our family, was to 'Adopt A Family' through a local charity. I knew in my heart I would eventually have my own family but to support a family that was struggling, with small children, just made me feel better. It's so sad when a pre-schooler asks for socks for Christmas.

Last year we celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas with our now 27 month old daughter. Unfortunately, due to unforseen financial issues, we couldn't do the 'Adopt A Family' but we plan on it going forward. We will involve our daughter and her little 'sista' (currently in process for another Russian adoption) each year. Sort of a tradition, I guess.

Do what makes YOU feel good. Suffering through 10 years of infertility (and a ruined marriage) the best advice I can offer is this...if it is too hard to be there for the holidays (or any other event), make an appearance and leave. Explain to your family and hopefully they will understand, if not, just remember YOU need to take care of YOU!!

Best of Luck to you in your Russian adoption experience...know it is not a question of 'if' any longer, merely 'when'!!!
Karen

[Matt's Mom]

Hi dv,



I know how you feel before we got our son through adoption I used to feel the same way. You have to be honest with your family and tell them how you feel. As hard as I know it can be never give up hope of being a mom. I know your dream will come true and after you get your child you will never know how you lived without him or her. Keep your spirits up and I will say a prayer for you.




GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jenny1565]

During the summer of 2002, we had a failed domestic adoption of a family member's child. Last Halloween, I told my husband that I would not go another Halloween without my little pumpkin, so we started the Russian adoption rollercoaster. Halloween 2003, we did not have our daughter, after meeting her in July, and I had to pack away her pumpkin outfit. We thought we would have our little turkey, and no, we won't.

But the good news is, we will have our little Christmas elf home with us! Hang in there! You will have your happy ending also. Jenny

[dvona]

My sister-in-law informed me that they (meaning the family members with children) were going to give each child a money gift this Christmas and it was all figured out how much everyone was to give. The only problem was that once again we were not included in the plan. These kinds of occurences over the last 10 years have made us feel even more isolated as the "childless couple". I addressed this with my sister-in-law and she suggested we might have a grab bag for the adults if WE wanted to. I feel as though she missed my point---I'm tired of being "out of the loop" because we're the only ones in the family without children. These are the kinds of things that really hurt around the holidays and special occasions.

Is it too late to book a holiday vacation?!!!

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I think I'm just taking things too hard at the moment---I should look at the bright side of things--how disappointing will it actually be sitting back and watching everyone's child open envelopes!

dv

[csw]

Hi,
I know how you feel. We were sad at the holiday time before our son came home in 1991 from Peru. We have been trying for almost seven years for a second child..did IVF, did foster parent training, tried 3 different agencies in the US, had 3 lost referrals, and now,,are spending Christmas without our daughter,,,we started the adoption paperwork last October (2002) for Guatemala, finally got the dossier etc..over there in April and in June our daughter was referred to us. We were told adoptions were taking 4 months, so we never dreamed we would be spending Christmas without her. Of course, we have one child at home, which does make it easier, he is older now. But, it is still hard knowing our little girl is somewhere else on the Holidays.
I found that with every miscarriage, ectopic etc.. I ended up with another pet! I had 4 cats and a dog,,now I have 2 dogs and one cat. They were my "babies" before all of this.
Why not go on a nice romantic vacation at Christmas time,,someplace warm and sunny,,,just a thought! Cathy

[stephandmano]

Hi,
I read your message and was really touched by it. I can really hear how painful this time of year is for you. This time of year is hard for me as well. I too really thought I would be a mother by now and clearly life is not working out for me as planned.
There are no words that can truly ease your pain and I really believe you just have to be true to yourself and take good care of yourself at a time like this.
Good luck. Thank-you for sharing your experience with us! It is comforting to know that I am not completely alone in this experience.
Take Care,
Stephanie

[dvona]

Stephanie, Cathy and everyone else....

I just want you to know that I will be praying for you and for orphans every where that long for us as much as we long for them.


dv

[schroeder]

This is a great book. It talks about a family whos daughter has moved away and they are going to Skip Christmas. I read it last year when we went through anouther childless year and loved it. I did think about booking a trip if we were not this far like we are.

Big Hugs go out to everyone! I hope if you do not have your little one for Christmas- then I hope by Easter you will.

Anna

[dian]

I know the holidays are hard--I think everyone has a tough time -they are putting lights up here at work and it just makes me sad. I am alone no family -no parents -no husband and waiting for a baby.

I am just going to close my eyes and hope it goes by quick. I will try to plan for next year when I hope to have my child home.

I had one failed attempt at adopting when the country closed--I am back again and hoping this time it works!

I pray that all the children of the world can have some good in this season and I look back at how lucky I was when I was a kid.

God bless you everyone