[etcorri]

We are in the process of adopting internationally. We got our referral when the baby was 3 days old and began a journey that normally took 4-6 months. Our baby is now almost 8 months old and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The issue we have is that once we took the referral we began to set up the babies room and talk to our bio 3 year old to help with the transition once our baby came home. We have done such a good job that he now talks to the baby's picture and tells people the baby's name.

Our concern is that we are unsure how long we continue this process since right now our first concern is our current child and the impact it may have to have a much older child (assuming our baby does not come home until being 1-2 years old) come home that may have strong attachment issues. We know our baby is already attached to the foster mother, at 4 months old, more thank the other baby that is with the same foster family.

I am looking for help from families that have children under 5 and then have adopted children under 5 also , that were in foster care, and what level of attachment issues they have had to deal with. I understand each child is different, but I can just imagine how hard it would be if our child was moved from our home to live with complete strangers now or a year or two ago.

So net net, I am looking for advice from families that have been through the issues and how they have worked it out, or if it is still not worked out. All candor, as much as it may concern us, is really appreciated.

Thank you

[rudi]

As you said, each child is different. I have heard that on average, after 7-8 months old, babies start to recognize who's who as opposed to just knowing that "someone" was feeding and holding them as an infant.

Yes, right now the baby knows the foster mom as "Mama" and the fact that the baby is able to develop attachments is a good thing.

My best advice to you to make it an easier transition (if you have the means and the time) is to visit one or more times. It is a great experience and will help the child become acquainted with you. I would also suggest sending a little photo album down with a little note to the foster mom asking her to show the baby photos (of you, your son, any pets). You may also want to sleep with a blanket for a few days and send it down as well for the baby to sleep with, since babies may be soothed by familiar scents. Oh, you may also want to watch have some Spanish TV on in the hotel for the pick up trip and a little bit when you get home, as the baby is used to hearing Spanish and will feel something else familiar.

I don't have personal experience, as I brought my child home a little younger. However, a good friend of mine just brought her 12 month old home. She was kind of confused the first 24-48 hours (like where am I and who are these people?), but she is now adjusting beautifully.

I think your son will be fine. He is probably so excited to have his sibling home, and his age is perfect for him to be a little "helper". It will make him feel protective over his sibling and give him a sense that he is important to the process.


Best of luck to you and your family

[rudi]

I just realized. You didn't say you were adoption from Guatemala. I kind of made that assumption. If you are not adopting from Guatemala or another Spanish speaking country, please disregard my comments regarding Spanish TV

[Matt's Mom]

I adopted my son from Korea and we got him at 8 months old. It was hard because at night he would cry asking for his foster mom and it broke my heart. When he was crying I would hold him and rock him and just tell him how much I loved him. I would say mommy is here don't worry. The more time we spent together the more we bonded and after a few weeks he stopped asking for her and started looking for me. It is hard but you have to saty calm and be very affectionate and soothing. I wish you luck and hope you get your baby soon. If you have any questions feel free to contact me.




Irene