[Kathy]

Hello. My husband and I are considering adopting a child around the age of 9-12 months and have recently been talking about the benefits of adopting from foster care versus an orphanage. Also, we have learned of "substitute homes" in some countries which are affiliated with orphanages but are actually private homes where the caretaker has four or less children in her home. Does anyone have any input on these issues? Also, I'm also wanting to know more about attachment disorder- for instance, can a child 9-12 months have attachment disorder, or even the beginnings of it, or is that way too early in the process of development for that to be an issue? Any info would be appreciated!! Thanks so much!

[JuliannaTeresa]

The actually private homes part from my experience the kids are too sick to be considered for Adoption.

What Countries are you hearing the private homes are in?

The Attachment Disorder depends on the Country. In China and Hong Kong. Females are not allowed to bond with the Mother.

I Adopted one of my Daughter's from India. There were Infants who were placed in cribs all day with no stimulation. With holding and stimulation they would do fine!

[lucyjoy]

Even if a child 9 to 12 months has the beginnings of attachment disorder, healing would only be 3 to six months and it wouldn't take much. Someone should plan to stay home for the forst 6 months. Don't put the child on a schedule, meet the child's needs on demand at first. Keep the child in your room for a few months and hold the child a lot. Keep the number of adults around your child to a minimum at first-grandparents,very close friends and relatives are fine, just not too many strange people on a regular basis as you want the child to bond to you and know he's not going anywhere.

[qs mom]

Do lots of research!

But - remember - all kids are different!

Two kids in the exact situation for the exact length of time, will still be different kids with different needs.

Having children, no matter how they come to you, through adoption or natural birth is a leap of faith.

[dl]

I agree with lucyjoy "Even if a child 9 to 12 months has the beginnings of attachment disorder, healing would only be 3 to six months and it wouldn't take much".

I have always been most comfortable with the fact that I am adopted. I was loved and cared for by wonderful parents. In my personal opinion, "attachment disorder" is NOT a foregone conclusion. If anyone should have "Attachment Disorder" or a "Primal Wound" it should be me. Not only was I left at the hospital by my birthparents (they were married, birthmother 20 and birthfather 25), after spending four days in the hospital I was transferred to a "nursery" for 18 days. I then went to my first foster home where I stayed for 5 days. I went to a second foster home for 6 days. I went to a third foster home for 5 months. I went to a 4th foster home where I remained for almost 7 months. My adoptive parents took me home when I was 13 months old after my having been "kept" in six different places since birth.

I learned the above information when I received my non id information. I have absolutely no memory of being cared for by anyone other than my parents. Following is what was included regarding my transition to my parents and home: "on your first visit with your adoptive parents you were very comfortable with them" "you were contentedly active and responsive to your new parents" "the file stated that you made an easy adjustment to your new home and family" "You were described as being a little restless during the first week but had settled down quickly and become a very satisfied and content child"

If anyone would like to read more about my personal experience or read the posts of other adoptees, you might find the following thread interesting.
“Insight for Aparents from an Adoptee”. http://www.adoptionforums.com/showth...threadid=95993

[nsanders522]

Hi Kathy,

Having recently brought home our son from Taiwan, I can tell you that not all of children in group care have trouble bonding. Almost the opposite! The children there got so much attention. They are talked to, carried around, played with and tickled. I didn't expect him to be jealous of me taking care of his big sister. I thought he would be used to sharing attention. Go figure. He is now 9 1/2 months old and doing great. Don't worry about it. They say that the children know that they are meant to be yours.

Nikki