[PamelaC]

I was hoping someone could give me some advice. I am being told (by a friend) that I should have a baby room completed before the social worker comes for our homestudy. Only we do not know if we are getting a boy or girl. Is this true? Or should we wait til we are matched with a child?

Any input would be great.
Thanks

[echaos]

The general rule of thumb is not to set up a nusery until you are matched. Not to be negative, but the wait can sometimes be long and it is very sad to walk by a nursery every day with no baby in it. Also, there is the risk of an adoption failing.

For a homestudy, you only need to be able to show that there is room for a baby. They don't expect you to be fully prepared that early on.

Are you adopting domestically or internationally? How far along the process are you?

[PamelaC]

We are adopting international. We have just been accepted by the agency. We are just starting out.

Thank you for the information. I felt kind of funny going out and buying things now.

[sak9645]

...to adopt internationally. What country have you chosen?

The nursery does not have to be set up, unless your state law requires it, which I doubt. Many people are currently using their nursery-to-be as a study or ironing or exercise room; they just show the space to the social worker and let them know what they're going to do with the "junk" that's in there now. If you are worried, however, ask your social worker what needs to be done. The home visit is not a "test"; she/he will be happy to advise you.

The same is true about childproofing. In most states, you need to have only very basic safety items done -- like a fence around a pool, if you happen to have one, or smoke detectors installed per the fire code specifications -- but not the addition of childproof locks on cabinets and such. I have heard, however, that a few states do require that some things be present for the home visit, such as locks on medicine cabinets. It's always a good idea to check with your social worker in advance of the home visit to see what is required in this regard. If you do not need to have anything done in advance, it is a good idea to tell your social worker, when she visits, some of the things you plan to do to make your home child-safe, like putting baby gates on staircases, and to ask her opinion about some of the things you may be considering, such as whether you need to put a plastic barrier alongside the deck rail, so the child cannot fall through.

Remember that the home visit is not really the most important part of the homestudy. If your home is safe and welcoming, and if you would feel comfortable inviting your inlaws or your boss to dinner there, you are almost certain to have no trouble with the social worker visit. Although most people scour like madmen and do some redecorating before the home visit, it isn't really necessary; the social worker doesn't look into your dresser drawers and closets, doesn't care if some of your furniture is of the "hand-me-down" variety, and hasn't the slightest interest in whether you have dust bunnies under the bed.

The social worker's main job, besides ensuring that you have no major barriers to adopting, such as a history of domestic violence, substance abuse, or serious mental illness, is to prepare you for parenting an adopted child. She/he will want to make sure that you and your spouse have talked through issues like how you will teach values and discipline your child, and are "on the same page" about them. She/he will want to make sure that you understand how "visible" you will be if you parent transracially, and what you need to do to help your child deal with racism. She/he will want to help you plan how to teach your child to be proud of his/her birth heritage and to respect the birthparents who gave him/her life.

Sharon

[denise marie]

We adopted an older child and now are adopting a small boy both international.We did not set the rooms up when our social worker came to our home and she was fine with that.She didnt seem to be concerned with the room being ready.She was more into our family life and how we can provide for our child.
Denise
P.S.i am dieing to set up our babies room but refuse until it gets closer to him comming home.

[JuliannaTeresa]

My Daughter is older, but what helped 'break the ice' and have something to focus on was explain what you are going to do to the baby's room?

Do you plan to wallpaper or Theme? Have you picked one out?

Do you have something that was part of your childhood, or is past down generation to generation that is going to be part of the Baby's room.

I have a Community Pool. It is fenced, but I can jump it easily!
The Social Worker when she looked at it noticed the gate did not latch. Even though it was not on my property and I had no control over this. She "zinged" me because it could affect the welfare of my Child.

[DianeS]

I imagine that will vary depending on your agency and the country you want to adopt from. An acquaintence of mine adopted a baby from Russia and was required to submit pictures of the room--she wasn't sure if Russia or someone at the agency wanted to see the pictures or if they just went into a folder somewhere, but she had to submit them. At least her room didn't have to be completely decorated or anything, the agency said that a photo of a room that had a crib in it was plenty. She cleaned out a corner of the room they intended to use, put up a crib and put curtains on the window, and took a few snapshots. No problem.

Good luck!

[trunks888]

I would wait on the room.
Just have one planned out so you can show the social worker.

But I would fix it up untill you have been matched.

Due to you may get a child of a diffrent sex then you planned on
or maby ended up going with a older child then planed
all kinda factors.

[PamelaC]

Thank you all for responding. I feel on edge about everything. At least for now, I can put that lower on the list of things to do.

This forum has been a learning tool for me.

Thanks again.

[qs mom]

I was real keyed up about my home visit too. It was an absolute piece of cake!

I'm also adopting Internationally and did my have my son's room set up. I still don't - But I need to. I hope to have him home within a month.

After you receive your referral, start working on it - a little at a time. It will keep you focused and the wait will go a little easier. I should have done 1 project every week or so. Paint - buy bed - refinish the dresser, etc. Now I have to do everything at once, it's KILLING me!

[TanyaB]

I really enjoyed our home study, we are also adopting internationaly, I felt it was a great time to reflect on our marriage, family, and how we will parent.
I am waiting to do the nursery once our paperwork is done. I will do it for a girl or a boy, our travel time after referral isn't set, so I want to be ready, and it gives me something to do as we wait. I don't think we could wait not to do it
Good luck
TanyaB

[medscribe]

Our social worker asked us why we hadn't finished the nursery for our child when she came for the home study. We told her that we thought we were a long way off and she said that things were moving so quickly with referrals in Russia that we should start right away. That was in May. It was fun planning out everything and painting our sons room. It made it feel real and we started the nesting process early. We received our referral today (June 29th) and we will see a picture and video of him tomorrow afternoon. Not sure my husband and I will sleep much tonight.

I hope the process moves as quickly for all as it has for us...

Gretchen

[FamilyBound]

We adopted our son from Russia in 12/01 and during that process, we didn't need to have a finished baby room before we brought our son home. Our social worker just wanted to see the room where he would be sleeping and wanted to make sure it was a decent place for him. However, before we left for Russia, we did have most everything in place by then so we took pictures to show the judge.