[aurora68]

My husband and I are planning to adopt a girl from Moldova between the ages of 5 and 7. My biological children are 9 and 15. My 15 year old is having some concerns about adopting. He is concerned about not bonding with the child, the child not bonding with us, and the language barrier. Does anyone have some words of wisdom for us? We would really like for him to share in the excitement with us.
Thanks!

[Anita]

Your son sounds is a smart kid, probably not ready for change. For him, being a teenager, adopting a family member might be too strange. How does he talk to his friends, etc. It's not the "normal" way in his eyes. In the teenage years, different is very hard to be.

Your son has probably heard many of the horror stories about adoption too. He is probably a bit protective of his family.

I would just keep talking to him about his concerns. Also talk to him about the important roll he could play in helping his sister transition into your family. Let him look at the other side of the coin too. There is a little girl out there in need of a family. She could use siblings to love her and help her through difficult times.

The language differences is only an issue for a short period of time.

I guess I'd just keep trying to peel the onion back to uncover all the negatives and fears your son has. It is natural. Maybe if he can keep talking about it, he will come to an understanding.

Do you know of any other families who have done the same thing? It would be ideal if your son could talk to kids who have gone thru the same thing.

I know none of this is much help. The 9 yr old boy I have babysat for the past 4 years insists my adopted son is going to hate him when he comes to our family. The unknown is a scary thing for all of us.

[crathke]

I read your post last night (couldn't take the time to frame an answer right then) but it struck me that your son sounds like a very mature young man. A lot of people his age would either rebel against change for change's sake or just shrug and say "whatever". The fact that he has his concerns categorized and can lay them out for you is commendable!

If your son is aware of "bonding issues", then I would imagine that once your daughter is home, he will be very aware of the steps it will take to help her feel she belongs with you. It sounds to me as if he'll be a wonderful "big brother"!

As Anita said, the language issue is only an "issue" for a very short time; our son (3) has been home for four months and we can actually tell when something new has "clicked". The strides he has made are amazing!

Best wishes to your entire family~!