[nansesam]

I always thought I would adopt after I brought over two babies for two families. (I was the person who brought them from Korea to the US.) My husband and I agreed and we even started looking into adoption agencies when we got pregnant last year. Now, I'm worried about whether or not I will treat the two children equally, and I'm just nervous and not sure anymore.

What I'd like to know is, did other parents go through this kind of anxiety? I'd love to hear any advice..

[momraine]

I had two biologicial children before I adopted my two younger children. There is no diffrence in the love I feel for them and I do treat them equally (except for age differences) The love is the same, if anything the adopted children are more precious becuase it was so much work to get them!

[Evansmommy]

We have one bio child and one adopted from Guatemala. Both experiences have changed us and stretched us in ways that we could not have imagined! Our first child was "daddy's boy", he likes to cuddle, etc with mama, but definitely prefers my husband to me. Our second and I definitely have a bond that I never would have imagined. The only difference in my love for them is the same that there would be between bio siblings...sometimes the bond is different between different children, different personalities, etc. That being said, they are both mine and I love them more than I can say.

[ellileah2008]

I can understand your questioning this, as you have never adopted before, but let me say that the love you will feel for both adopted and bio kids is exactly the same. We have a bio 5 year old girl, and recently adopted a two and a half year old girl. A kid is a kid. When that child looks up to you to care for and comfort them, and meet their needs on a daily basis and help them through life, the feelings of love and protection are exactly the same. Don't underestimate yourself. Congratulations on your pregnancy! This is exactly what happened to me and my husband, after trying for 4 years to have a baby, we decided to adopt, then a month later I got pregnant with our first daughter. We just put adopting on the back burner until our 1st child was a little older- there are Soooooo many children in the world who need families- K eep your dream to one day http://forums.adoption.com/images/sm...ies/love01.gif

[kretzklan]

I think it's good that you are asking these questions - it means you are going into this with your eyes wide open. While I hope that your experience is as wonderful as the above posters, there is a chance that it won't be. I have struggled mightily with attachment on my side. I believe I had PAD (post adoption depression) and it happens more often than is discussed. It seems very taboo. I am open about it - because I didn't choose to feel differently about my 2 youngest children...it just was. It takes some work and a lot of "fake it until you make it". They've been home almost 3 years and most days I don't even think of the word adopted. Most days I just move along and parent them and love them. There are days when that still doesn't happen for me easily. They attached fairly well...
Do a lot of reading on attachment and make sure you also read about attachment from the parent perspective. And, if things don't go like a Hallmark card...know that you aren't alone and REACH out for help. I felt SO isolated for so long...embarrassed to admit what was happening. Just talking about it and getting so much support was one of the best things I ever did!

[karla-k]

We have 3 bio kids and are adopting a baby from Kyrgyzstan. We received our referral on August 10th. I wasn't sure how I would feel about the baby before we actually got him...but I can tell you now, that baby is our son! We are very attached and we haven't gotten to meet him yet...we leave on Friday to go on trip 1 and I cannot wait to meet our son.

We love that baby just like we love our other kids.

Karla