[stamant]

I am looking for stories from parents who have adopted children for institutions. Like Orphanages.

My sister was adopted from Romania and she suffers from ADHD as well as some attachement disorders, i am is search for some stories from parents who have adopted children from institutions and what difficulties they may have meat as a result of the institutionalization.

[suburbanmomgw]

On this topic--some people are open to sharing, some aren't. You can find out a lot of experiences by searching the threads on many of these forums. My experience tells me that every case is different! Be careful not to generalize too much about the effects of institutionalization. Some children are severely affected. Others are "normal" children. It can vary orphanage to orphanage in the same city! There are many factors--like how long the child was in the orphanage, what his/her temperment is like, how well funded and how big/ small the orphange is, what the ratio of caretakers is...many other things including unknown genetics...
Hope this helps you find some answers.

[ilovedanny]

Hi,

I am not sure if this will help but I thought I would reply. Our son, Danny was in an orphanage for the first two years of his life. We brought him home a little under four months ago. He was lagging behind developmentally and was said to be at about a 12-15 mo old level. He was barely walking. Now, he runs, jumps and hardly ever stops moving. We just had his peditrician re evalute his developmental status and he is at about at a 31 month old level already. We have worked very hard with him, entered him in the local early intervention program with the county developmental center, PT programs, and etc. It is a lot of work, but more rewarding than anything I have ever done in my life. It is amazing to see how well kids do when the are in a good environment. We were lucky that he was in an excellent orphanage which had about 1 worker to every 3 kids. Only time will tell if he will have problems later in life, with ADD, etc. I guess we will cross that bridge when the time comes.

I hope this helps a little anyway,

Sincerely,
Jan Peloquin

[mel452]

Our homestudy social worker works in China and has said the orphanages in China are much different than in other countries. The women who work in the orphanages really care about the babies and take good care of them and give them attention. She travels all over China and is very knowledgable about China and the orphanages there and elsewhere.

I believe it is an individual situation. Each child responds differently to situations. I know plenty of non=adoptive children who have terrible adhd and other attachment disorders and they were from "normal family situations". I"m adopted from birth, I have attachment issues not from being adopted but from losing my a-dad at age 16. Not everything relates specifically to the orphanages or being adopted. Other family issues play a part as well.

Don't let the stereotypes influence you too much.

[Belamamma]

My husband and I adopted two Belarusian teenagers in May of this year. They are two sisters (16 and 15 years old). These two girls were taken away from abusive parents when they were only six and seven years old, so they have lived in institutions for almost ten years. There are certainly difficulties associated with this. They have developed survival skills that they now no longer need nor are they appropriate in a family situation. I just wanted to encourage you that we have seen a huge difference in these girls since they came home with us almost six months ago. One refused to smile and now she smiles and laughs a lot. They have obviously grown attached to us and we truly love them as our own. I am not saying there haven't been difficult moments, but my husband and I have just hung in there with love and consistent boundaries. Our biological children (4) , our children's spouses and our seven grandchildren have all supported, loved and nurtured these two girls. I know that there will be more difficult moments ahead, but the good far out weighs any difficulties you might have. I hope this is encouraging to you.

[CalandraLark]

I know this is old, but I found it interesting as these are issues I've been hearing about my whole life and maybe someone will find in useful.

My uncle was in an orphanage in Alaska for the first two and a half years of his life. He had a lot of issues adjusting, but I'd put them in three categories: instutionalism, fetal alcohol syndrom, and eskimo genetics in mainstream US society.

My grandparents had four older children spread out between 13 and 3 when my uncle arived and were ready to be out of baby phase of things. The were completely surprised to suddenly have a 2 1/2 year old child who couldn't do anything besides hold a bottle and stand up. He couldn't walk very well and had maybe one word. As far as they've been able to find out the only things that were done to care for him was diperchanging and feeding.

Needless to say this created a lot developemental delays. The youngest of his sisters, only a year older than him, graduated from high school three or four years ahead of him and he struggled to hard to graduate while all of his sisters went to college and some on to graduate school. From what I've heard he had some attatchment issues, but more on the side of being very clingy. In fact he's still very attached to his parents and older sisters. He has a hard time spending money wisely and has had a hard time keeping jobs at times.

In the sixties fetal alcohol syndrom was comepletely unknown, my grandparents had no idea this figured into my uncles developement until he was an adult, but it's been pretty obvious in hindsight that it was major issue in his behavior as a child. They know for a fact now that his bmother used alcohol fair bit of the pregnancy, and he still has some issues with alcohol and smoking.

One thing my grandparents have recently been surprised about is how much of his behavior is genetic and unrelated to FAS and the neglect in the begining of his life. Several other adoptive parents of eskimo children have had similar issues with school and work, the main reason being that they're just not programed to the fast paced American lifestyle. My uncle is very capable in a lot of areas, but you can't rush him. He naturally looks at a problem and decides one way is the best way, whether it's the fastest or not.

All in all, he's given me a good look at some of the more difficult possiblities with adopted children, and yet he seems better off than many people with as many issues to deal with. He has problems with debt and keeping a job, but he's a loving son, brother and uncle, and helps my grandparents with yard work even as they work to help him become fully independent finacially and responsibly.

[mlb]

My son was 14 months old when we adopted him. He was malnourished, a peanut, and had rickets. His legs were very bowllegged and was a very solemn boy. Now he is an active and happy 7 year old. DS has a wonderful sense of humor and feels that he is Bon Jovi Jr.. Within two months, he grew over 5 inches, completely straightening out his legs. He is still small, 10th percentile. I think he would be taller had he been adopted sooner as his younger sister is the same height and she was adopted at 6 months. My son can be clingy at times, specifically with my husband. He has night terrors, at least one a week and has since he has been our son. We have a friend who was born in Russia and is very similar to our son. However my two nieces are not, there are so many unknown variables.