[Utnapishtim]

Good Folks, All,

When my wife and I married, we planned for three children: two made and one found. We made two boys, so we found a daughter. Our little girl is from Korea. If we had made one child and found two, the second would have been African or South American. We, ourselves, are of European descent.

Anyway, we are very aware of the internal trauma adoptees can suffer, not from our own very fortunate lives, but from our native and educated ability to empathize with our fellow human beings.

For me, every day I think of how fortunate I am to have my little girl, and every day I anticipate the agony we will share as she grows in understanding of the world. Likewise, I anticipate the mix of joy and sadness we will experience, and which I hope we share, in rediscovering her birth mother and father.

Remember, you are loved for you in many places.

Delighted,

Peter

[ripples]

Originally Posted by didi20

adopted from South Korea, I was born in Korea and flew over here at 3 months old.

Hey Didi20,
There was also a study titled, "The Gathering of the First Generation of Adult Korean Adoptees: Adoptees' Perceptions of International Adoption" done by the Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute that involved about 400 Korean adoptees. Perhaps the Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute might be able to put you in touch with other Korean adoptee support groups like G.O.A.L. Again, I found it immensely helpful to talk in person with other international adoptees as I found that my feelings were well understood and shared by many others.

[Sung-Mee]

Hi, well first I would like to do this

You are definitely not alone. I am your age (27) and was also adopted from Korea.

Pretty much everything you have said is how I have felt for a number of years now. I am happy to share more if you would like. I made a decision after significnat changes in my life that I needed to do something about it so have seeked the help of counselling in the hope that it may help me work through some of those feelings..

If you need to talk privately or anything I am always happy to listen.

[kyungmee]

I just sent you a message but in case it was not rec'd..my name is KyungMee. I was adopted around 7 years old. I know that we share difference in our experiences with adoption but know that many of 'us' do share a common sense of loss and sense of diplacement. Don't forget identity. I know I cannot and won't tell you how it all works and how you should feel but I believe we can choose to gain strength from our experiences and take it to learn how to see ourselves and others around us. I hope to hear from you more. Hope you can meet me at my new blog I recently started..in part for my own journey and to reach out to others. It is Korean American Adoptee Home Is Within
from KyungMee

[pmm1975]

Hi DiDi20,

Thank you for sharing and for being so honest. I'm a Korean adoptee also (now 34). I was adopted when I was 7 months.

I've met many, many Korean adoptees in my life, and I know that everyone had a different experience. We were all told just to "come to terms with our adoption".

I understand all the feelings that you are experiencing. I hope that you have other adoptees around you that you can talk to. The most important thing is not to bottle up your emotions, and I applaud you for being brave enough to vent.

I recently started blogging from the viewpoint of an adult adoptee. If you have time, check it out. Adoptee Voice.

Hang in there...

[SuzySSunshine]

I am sorry that I cannot simply send you this book:

I Wish For You A Beautiful Life, by Sara Dorow

It is a treasury of letters written by mothers who lived at Ae Ran Won maternity home while they were getting ready to deliver their babies and follow through with their plans to adopt. I know that they will be difficult to read but I think it will give you tremendous comfort and help you gain an understanding for the epic love and immense pain behind your birthmother's decision.

When you read the first letter "I love you, my dear baby" I hope that you will know that this book is for you and that in understanding the spirit of the mothers who wrote it is all the you need to move forward with a happy, beautiful life.

[Ria1987]

Didi20

I too am a 20-something Korean adoptee who often has fears of being left behind or abandoned.

Surprising to me, I find myself more at peace than most adopted people - but I think that's mainly because there were other things going on in my family that meant adoption was never focused on too long. I guess this means that I was never allowed / never allowed myself to feel it was a big issue.

I think it's important for you to realise that whoever you are, whatever you want to become, it's got to be all for yourself and not for the approval of anyone else (birthmother or otherwise). Sometimes I just remind myself that they are the ones missing out on knowing the person I've become and I owe them nothing. Maybe that sounds harsh, but as soon as you figure out how to accept that you're independent and amazing all by yourself, no matter what you're doing, you no longer need the approval of the owners of two chromosomes that happen to occupy you.

Good luck - and I'm sorry these fears and thoughts are occupying so much of your life. I am practically able to push mine to the side, but every so often I recognise some behaviour of mine that is a result of being adopted and I get upset. I guess I mostly get upset because I can see that I get paranoid of people not liking me / fears of being left behind or substituted etc and I can't control or reason with these feelings. Sometimes I'm scared that I'll drive my boyfriend away being so paranoid and clingy.

Anyway, I'm sorry this turned into such a self involved rant - but I hope something I said helped you in some way.