[Keika]

My wife and I are adopting from Ethiopia...

We got our referral yesterday (and she looks and sounds beautiful!). Our quandry centers around a name....

Her name, obviously, is very African sounding and we are trying to decide what do to about it.

Here are the options we are considering:

1. Just use her given name. The positive here is that we honor her, and her mother by using the given name. The issue is that she, who will already be the only child of color in an all white family, will be made to feel even MORE different because of her unusual name.

2. Use her given name as a middle name and give her an American sounding first name. The positive here is that she will still have her given name, albeit as a middle name. The concern here is that by moving her given name to a middle name we feel like we may be de-valuing it.

3. Keep her given name and on a day to day basis call her some play off of it....a nickname that is related to her given name. The positive here is that she will keep her given name. The concern is the same as in the second option...that we are de-valuing her name by messing with it.

We are REALLY struggling with this issue and would appreciate any feedback.....

Thanks....

[MamaS]

I gave both of my children names that were "American" and also that were family names. I don't see that moving her name to a middle position is "devaluing" her. You will be speaking to her in English, not her native language and dressing her in American clothes, not her native style of dress. That does not mean you are "devaluing" her language or culture. You are including her in you family and giving her your family language, your family traditions and a family name. My daughters are now grown, but they like to hear stories about the women whose names they were given. My oldest daughter had a baby girl whom she named after her birth mother and her adopted maternal grandmother, to honor both sides of her family.
Whatever you choose, she will be your beloved daughter!