[ripples]

It's been 7 months since I was suddenly reunited with 2 of my birth siblings in Taiwan as well as found out a bit about the sad past of our now deceased birth parents. And now I'm about to embark on a follow-on visit to study Chinese (I've studied Chinese before) as well as spend some more time with my birth siblings.

I'm feeling giddy, nervous and excited to say the least. , but this time I'm nervous more about the second time meeting my birth siblings. It was such a challenge the last time, trying to overcome language barriers - the frustration at not being able to fully express what I felt in words; the sadness in knowing that I could only connect so much; the exhaustion in trying to find other ways to reach out to my birth siblings; the having to rely on others to help interpret; the scariness of the unknown.

Deep down, I'm prepared to face whatever comes my way. Ever since the reunion, I've gone through a very difficult journey of grieving and acknowledging my feelings of loss. I feel better prepared now that I've found out about a wealth of post-adoption resources. I also have friends in Taiwan to whom I can visit for 'time out' periods. I just thought I'd vent here as well as say I welcome hearing about other people's international journeys in cross-cultural/cross-lingual reunion. I also welcome any advice that others might have.

[ripples]

Wish me luck tomorrow - I'll be joining my birth siblings and their spouses/children for lunch. This will be our first meeting ever since I last saw them in Nov 2005. As some of you can imagine, I've not been sleeping very well lately - so much anticipation, to say the least. I keep trying to tell myself that 'it's not a big deal, just take it easy', and another part of me says, 'are you kidding??' I've witnessed the ambivalence, anxiety of meetings between Western culture and Asian culture people in regular business settings - that's challenging enough, but with the added layers of post-adoption reunion and family dynamics...! The emotional rollercoaster continues. Luckily I've found a social worker who's fluent in both English and Chinese, I don't think I could deal with all the emotional, personality, linguistic, cross-cultural, post-adoption reunion dynamics all at once at a luncheon with 4 Taiwanese family members.

And at least I've crammed in about 2 months of Chinese language refreshing to help. I highly recommend other international adoptees try to learn their birth culture's language and culture - it so helps reduce a smidgen of a layer of all the confusion.

Nixon had it easy in his US-China reunification talks with Chairman Mao and Zhou En Lai! Record of Historic Richard Nixon-Zhou Enlai Talks in February 1972 Now Declassified (joke! joke!)

[Mei Ling]

Originally Posted by ripples

It's been 7 months since I was suddenly reunited with 2 of my birth siblings in Taiwan as well as found out a bit about the sad past of our now deceased birth parents. And now I'm about to embark on a follow-on visit to study Chinese (I've studied Chinese before) as well as spend some more time with my birth siblings.

I'm feeling giddy, nervous and excited to say the least. , but this time I'm nervous more about the second time meeting my birth siblings. It was such a challenge the last time, trying to overcome language barriers - the frustration at not being able to fully express what I felt in words; the sadness in knowing that I could only connect so much; the exhaustion in trying to find other ways to reach out to my birth siblings; the having to rely on others to help interpret; the scariness of the unknown.

Deep down, I'm prepared to face whatever comes my way. Ever since the reunion, I've gone through a very difficult journey of grieving and acknowledging my feelings of loss. I feel better prepared now that I've found out about a wealth of post-adoption resources. I also have friends in Taiwan to whom I can visit for 'time out' periods. I just thought I'd vent here as well as say I welcome hearing about other people's international journeys in cross-cultural/cross-lingual reunion. I also welcome any advice that others might have.

I know exactly what you mean. Although I have never actually met my birthfamily, I've had the experience of IMing them online... and every time they send a response through, I have to rely on the translator.

I have no idea how I will manage in the summer, even if I have learned some basic Chinese phrases.

Do you have MSN? I'd like to know about your experiences.

[need2learnchinese]

After read your post, I feel urgent to let my daughter learn her birth language. After 5 years with us, she cannot speak any Chinese. Now she is 7. We found a Chinese tutor for her this year. Chinese is difficult for us to learn. But your post encourages us to continue. Thank you.

[ripples]

Hi need2learnchinese,
How wonderful that you've found a Chinese tutor and are encouraging your daughter to learn Chinese. I do hope that my posting will help inspire others to learn languages. The earlier that kids are in contact with language learning, I think the easier it is for them to pick up the language. But I don't think there's intense urgency (I didn't start learning languages, i.e. French and Chinese, until I was in high school).

I do hope that the language learning goes well for your daughter. However, if your daughter doesn't seem keen on learning Chinese, don't be surprised. Apparently some inter-country adoptees are more keen on trying so hard to assimilate into their adoptive culture and may even resist any association with their birth culture (see the second blue paragraph in the following web page Suggestions for AParents ) Even when I studied Chinese language as a teenager in China and then at university, I still saw myself as a Caucasian learning a foreign language.

The interest within the USA for learning Chinese is definitely increasing Non-Asians Show A Growing Interest In Chinese Courses - Free Preview - The New York Times

Here's a useful web site for learning Chinese. Learn Chinese Characters However, I'm not sure if this site has much that's geared towards primary school kids. I do recommend Oxford University Press' "Let's Go" books Oxford University Press | Let's Go
These books are oriented towards Chinese kids who want to learn English. However, I use the books to teach myself Chinese vocabulary since they have pictures as well as both Chinese and English translations of everyday vocabulary. Unfortunately I haven't come across many picture-oriented textbooks for learning Chinese.

Hopefully your daughter will enjoy learning Chinese as much as I have. It really is a very colorful language and my Chinese language skills have helped TREMENDOUSLY in me in my search and reunion journey.

Yours,
Ripples

[InionGrinn]

Ripples,

Sorry I hadn't found your thread sooner. How did your reuinion/meeting go in November?

I just met my bmom in Nov. as well. She is in another country although it is european and english speaking so there is no language barrier. Our culture differences are definitely there, more so than I would have thought, but I am sure no where near as pronounced as your experience has been.

How's it going?

[ripples]

InionGrinn,
The reunion is progressing slowly but surely. I'm so glad that I brought an interpreter/social worker to the meeting in Nov 2006 (my second meeting with my birth siblings).
Luckily my Chinese language has really progressed so that now I can handle a whole afternoon with my birth siblings. However, it's still tricky trying to interpret the various levels of meaning going on. For example, is my sister's bossiness due to cultural aspects, socio-economic differences, her personality, language, reunion stress or a combo? Gradually, with the help of input from Taiwanese people, I've been able to discern that a lot of the dynamics are more her personality.

Still, it's a lot of work trying to read between the lines on so many levels even 'tho I've had many, many years of living in Asia (including China) as well as several years of language learning.

My main advice to other inter-country adoptees prior to their search/reunion: learn as much as you can about your birth culture and the language.

I have also found that mixing with other Asian-Caucasians, even 'tho they're not adoptees, in my adoptive country really helped too. Whether they were Asian immigrants living in a western country, or offspring of inter-country marriages, I could see the possibility of living with mixed ethnic identities. I've heard from my Asian-Caucasian friends of the challenges of not fitting fully into either culture, so I don't feel so 'abnormal' being a hybrid of sorts.