[kansasborn70]

Well, not a lot of people call me coconut, but it's a reference to the fact that I was born Mexican-American and had the brown skin, yet I was adopted into an Anglo family with Midwestern values.
I've had several issues to deal with over my lifetime (re: adoption by a different ethnicity), yet I think the biggest area of difficulty is finding my identity when it came to a relationship. I was drawn to the Hispanic because I felt like fitting in and looking like the others was so important. Yet, I was nothing like a lot of Hispanic people that I encountered. Everything about me was and is different. From the way I view life, to relationships, and how the other Hispanic look at me. Does anyone relate to this. Has anyone in their 20/30/40's had to deal with these type of things. I know I'm not the only one out here.

Kansasborn70

[C22]

I feel similarly. My mom is Jewish, and my dad is Hispanic. My (much older) brothers are bilingual and grew up in Spanish Harlem, whereas I was raised in a lower middle class white neighborhood and can barely understand the Italian I took for 4 years in high school. I also have very pale skin, so most take me for white with perhaps some Asian in me to account for my heavily lidded eyes.

I have an easier time identifying with my mom's side of the family than my dad's. I get along well with my brothers, but I feel like an outsider, because I know so little about their culture. I read up a lot on Judaism growing up (being surronded by anti-Semites at your Catholic school will do that to you), and feel comfortable with the emphasis on learning and family I discovered in Jewish culture. I think one of the formative events of my life was going to the Museum of Jewish Heritage in Battery Park, and feeling deeply saddened and angered over the history of displacement that I learned was not particular to my short life.

[thomasheverin]

Hello,

I too dealt with tons of racial issues growing up and in college. I am approaching 30 this year. I was adopted from Honduras at birth by a white American family. I went to an all white high school. Everyone thought I was black. It was so bad that I even thought I was black. Then I went off to college and was part of a minority engineering program. I couldn't relate to the minorities there. I even had crackers placed outside of my dorm room by some black fraternity because they thought I was a "sell out". My best friends to this day are African Americans who were raised in white suburbia that I met in college. I also felt like I wasn't Latino because I didn't speak Spanish. It wasn't until the end my college years that I accepted myself as kind of mixed...like I could identify with numerous cultures but wasn't just part of one. Although it has been hard, I find it advantageous sometimes to be able to relate to all different types of people. And now I see my self as Latino. I realize you don't have to speak spanish to be Latino. Finally, as I plan my second trip to Honduras I know when I go I will be called a gringo. Oh well...I have been called worse.

Thomas

[wannabamom]

I presume the people who posted these are all Latinos and I really, really, need your thoughts on my dilemma- Please!!!!!!! I noticed that you all had a lot of issues- mixed feelings growing up in a different ethnic, religious family than you all were originally from, and some of you may even have visited your country of origin- for eg: Honduras. I feel sorry that adopted children have to go through all kinds of complex issues in addition to the regular problems in life we all have. In the end, what are your feelings about your aparents/family?????? Do you plan to desert them and want to go to your respective native cultures???? What are your respective feelings towards the aparents/family now and towards your birth culture/religion (for those who are jewish, etc)?? I would really appreciate insight on this as we're planning to adopt soon.

Thanks and wishing everyone all the very best:

We all have complexities in life whether in our birth or adoptive families.

[dancingmyrtle]

Okay, I have to weigh in here. I am an adult adoptee from Guatemala. I also am a stepmom. I can see from first-hand experience that ALL kids have issues, no matter what their backgrounds are.

My parents are my parents, end of story. No, I didn't grow in my mom's belly, but that is the only difference. I had a great childhood and have had a wonderful life, and frankly, I see a lot of other Latinos today who do come from Latino parents having issues because they are several generations removed and don't speak Spanish. They are also "Americanized" and are made fun of or are treated less than nicely by other Latinos who feel more of a link to their heritages.

Yes I've had identity issues, and yes it's different having white parents and being brown. But I want to say that there are some people, maybe just one if I'm the only one that exists, that had a good experience, so please do not hesitate to be an adoptive parent if you are planning to be a good parent! That is all that matters.

-MKC

[mscostarica25]

Hello,

I am 25 now and was adopted by my white amom and lived in a all white town until 13. I don't think I even noticed I was different until we moved to a larger city and everyone treated me like I'm spanish. For a long time I really thought I was white, then other frineds told me I wasn't. I think this has lead me to real identity crisis and trying to find a feeling of belonging. I don't know spanish but I don't really look white. I never understood why so many adults loved my tan when I was little and I would say it stayed all year round. My amom thought this was funny. All my life Ive had the feeling of not being accepted and doing anything to please people. I have also had a lot of bad relationships. My amom is single and never married and not until last year did I find out that my bdad had died before I was adopted. All this time I thought he was a sailor or some scum that got my bmom pregnant and left, leaving me w/ alot of resentment toward men. Now I have a 15 month old little girl. During my pregnancy alot suppressed issues with my idenitiy rose again, and didn't know how my daughter will handle being spanish and black and not knowing her spanish side. I really wish I could have embassed my culture alittle more. And adopting is wonderful, just be sure to treat the child like a person, and remember they are an indivdual. They may want to return to where they came from, or find the bfamily but you can not take this as a stab in the back. Its not about you, its about them remember that. Some things just need to be done. I am about to start to seek my bfamily especially siblings. To know there are blood relatives out there and not see them, can be like itch in the back of your brain you cant stratch. Let the children know where they are from, let them embrace it, and let them make their own choices when they get of racional thinking age. Also be open and honest with them, holding information for a long time will just make them resent you and wonder why you didnt say that earlier.

[mscostarica25]

Hello,

I am 25 now and was adopted by my white amom and lived in a all white town until 13. I don't think I even noticed I was different until we moved to a larger city and everyone treated me like I'm spanish. For a long time I really thought I was white, then other frineds told me I wasn't. I think this has lead me to real identity crisis and trying to find a feeling of belonging. I don't know spanish but I don't really look white. I never understood why so many adults loved my tan when I was little and I would say it stayed all year round. My amom thought this was funny. All my life Ive had the feeling of not being accepted and doing anything to please people. I have also had a lot of bad relationships. My amom is single and never married and not until last year did I find out that my bdad had died before I was adopted. All this time I thought he was a sailor or some scum that got my bmom pregnant and left, leaving me w/ alot of resentment toward men. Now I have a 15 month old little girl. During my pregnancy alot suppressed issues with my idenitiy rose again, and didn't know how my daughter will handle being spanish and black and not knowing her spanish side. I really wish I could have embassed my culture alittle more. And adopting is wonderful, just be sure to treat the child like a person, and remember they are an indivdual. They may want to return to where they came from, or find the bfamily but you can not take this as a stab in the back. Its not about you, its about them remember that. Some things just need to be done. I am about to start to seek my bfamily especially siblings. To know there are blood relatives out there and not see them, can be like itch in the back of your brain you cant stratch. Let the children know where they are from, let them embrace it, and let them make their own choices when they get of racional thinking age. Also be open and honest with them, holding information for a long time will just make them resent you and wonder why you didnt say that earlier

[intladoptionblog]

When growing up in California, I had a Chinese Step-mom and sisters and only noticed when we visited China Town ... they could go where they liked and got away with everything!
I now live in such a racially mixed country that no one here gives my Cambodian-born kids a second glance, or questions our relationship--every family is such a combo that kids often don't look much like their parents.
My family has always been "different", a fact I'm very grateful for. Different always leaves room for 'better'.