[hanlekb]

I'm a 25 yr old adoptee male who is very new to this site. I've been dating the same woman for the past five years, who is caucasian. The idea of marriage is ominously close, along with having children.
As an adoptee, part of a wave that infiltrated the Midwest back before the last episode of MASH, I have grown Irish American. I don't have any real connection with my heritage or really any drive to be part of it. But soon I will be traveling to Korea, with my whole uncouth, cynical, Irish family to meet the woman whom gave birth to me, and her sister.
Honestly I have no real desire to meet her. The only real reason I would like to make contact is for my lineages medical history.

I have never dated an asian woman. I have attended Korean Adoptee Camps like TIGER CAMP IN MN, I rejected the advances of many of the girls at these camps and as I grew up I tried my best to distance myself from asian women who have made advance towards me.

I have been called White Washed for dating a caucasian woman and am floored by the women that say this to me whom seem so progressive at first.
My girlfriend is worried that when I travel to Korea that I may not want her or that I may choose to want to stay in Korea.
She has nothing to worry about.
I don't see myself as white or even Korean.
I categorize myself as an Irish American, when I say this to people they are taken back, to make things comfortable I tell them that I'm Yellow Irish. (part of my dysfunctional upbringing)

When I say this to Korean Adoptees they say,"That's a tragedy. Your so out of touch. I pity you. Your as white as rice. Etc"

My family has done a superb job. It isn't a feeling, but a fact as good as DNA that I'm a part of their family and I am proud to say I'm Irish American, I'm proud of the dysfunction, & cynical jokes.

[LoveRiddenDad]

There's nothing wrong with identifying with your afamily's culture.

Having said that, I think it's good to take pride in your own. As a biracial person, I feel it's important for me to honor all aspects of myself. If you really have no desire to learn about your ethnic heritage, no one can make you learn about it. I think you really need to consider if you're losing anything by ignoring it.

You don't describe yout family in pleasant terms, even using the word "dysfunctional" while discussing your upbringing. I think you honestly need to question if there is something that would improve your life. It's just something to consider.

[hanlekb]

I attribute those qualities in jest. But, Love Ridden Daddy, you may be right in that I'm missing something. Or Am I really white washed? Am I really this dysfunctional? Lordy!

[kiwi]

The only thing that struck me about your lack of interest in Korean ancestry/tradition, is that your children may want to know.
If you have children by birth or adoption, they may or may not want to know about your biological roots and thus Korean tradions.

[Howdy]

I think it is interesting that after 5 years of dating, your girlfriend is insecure about your trip. Are there any reasons why she would worry? I wouldn't be thinking about getting married to someone who didn't know me better than that after 5 yrs. Unless maybe she is aware of your feelings more than you are.

Very puzzling.

[Mee Sook]

Originally posted by Howdy
I think it is interesting that after 5 years of dating, your girlfriend is insecure about your trip. Are there any reasons why she would worry? I wouldn't be thinking about getting married to someone who didn't know me better than that after 5 yrs. Unless maybe she is aware of your feelings more than you are.

Very puzzling.

hmm... in a similar but different light... my parents have been my parents for 30 years and when i returned to korea, had similar insecurities to the gf. time doesn't necessary affect the level of insecurity one may have.

second... awesome original post. from someone who was in similar shoes, i have much respect for holding onto your thoughts and feelings about your identity. if you are happy the way you are... disregard those who tell you to be or feel different. i hope the trip is bearable... and my only hope is that you keep an open mind. take care...

[hanlekb]

Thanks Mee,

The vote of confidence is very appreciated. & I'll do my best to keep that mind open.

[lewellen]

hanlekb,


I'm an adoptee also, I think it's great you have taken you adoptive ancestry. It is very much who you are. It's also wonderful that you will meet your bio-family. Treasure that too. A connection with them may be something you will want to explore futher after you meet them or later on.

I'm reunited, but I still feel that my ethnic background is that of my adoptive family (Irish-Welsh). Reunion is a big thing, your girlfreind probably recognizes this and is concerned. I wouldn't think that it would change how you feel about her, or the type of women you are attracted to, for that matter. You are who you are.

LoveRidden,

To be Irish is to be dysfunctional, or at least say you are. It's part of the culture. It's how we have always dealt with stereotypes attributed to us.

I'll buy the first person that can answer this riddle a Guinness:

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

LewEllen

[hanlekb]

You got me nailed. And the dysfunction & being Irish do truly go hand in hand.

The answer to the joke.

One less drunk.

[lewellen]

hanlekb,


You are a true Irishman. You knew the joke and responded very quickley to the offer of a free beer. I'll probably have to owe you on that Guinness.

Please enjoy your trip, go with no expectations. Let me know how everything works out.

Wanna go double or nothing?

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?


LewEllen

[hanlekb]

Lew-TO a different bar. By the end of this I'm gonna be expecting a keg of Guiness.

[lewellen]

Okay, Okay, I give up. You win.


May you live 100 years,
with one more to repent.


Lewellen

[hanlekb]

CEAD MILLE FAILTE LEW

[JayBon]

Hanlekb,
My kids are 22 & 20 yrs old and were also adopted from Korea and they feel pretty much the same as you. They know about their Korean culture and respect it but they definitely identify much more with their Italian/American ancestry. They do have Korean friends, neither of them has ever dated an Asian person but they have dated other races beside caucasian, they both want to visit Korea someday but neither has expressed any interest at all in meeting any of the b families.

[mattmiamom]

I am the mother of an 8 year Korean boy (adopted into a dysfuntional irish american family at 4 months). I often worry that he has no interest in his Korean heritage. He does however embrace his irish american family and it's traditions. He too knows a few too many irish jokes (thanks in part to his many Uncles).

Your posts made me smile. I hope my son grows up to be so well adjusted.

Susan
Mom to Matt (8) and Mia (4) both Korean