[Indianprincess]

Hello! My name is Julie and I am adopted from Calcutta, India. I was adopted when I was six weeks old and have lived my entire life in the United States and have never been back to India. I grew up in a small, isolated town of about 400 people. My parents were amazing people,they have both passed away, my mom when I was 15 and my dad about 7 months ago, and I love them more than anyone can ever imagine. I honestly have no desire to find my birth parents. I was always raised knowing I came from India and that I was adopted. I think this is the best thing parents can do for their adopted children.

I am now a junior in college in small, liberal arts college in upstate New York. I never knew anyone who was born and raised in an Indian family until I came to college. When I hang out with Indian families I feel like an outsider. I feel very Americanized. Race has never been an issue in my family or my small town, but it is when I hang out with other Indian students. Has anyone else run into this problem and if so what do you do and how do you feel about it? Did you ever feel like race was an issue in your family?
Thanks for reading

[Shoshana]

I can't say I have an exact experience even tho' I'm adopted. The adoption 'separateness' was not because of race, but because of being adopted.

There is one way that I can relate to what you're saying tho'. I grew up Catholic but converted to Judaism. When I first started attending synagogues and studying about the religion, I felt like an outsider, sometimes even an imposter. I just gave it time, and read and read and learned everything I could so that I would understand and 'fit in'. It's just been a few years now, and I rarely feel different anymore.

Anyway, I know this is a different situation, but I thought it might help a little to share it with you.

Best wishes and I hope you find somebody who's had a similar experience...

[spaypets]

I think your feelings are common for those in your situation--I have read similar posts from other college aged adoptees from India. It's natural -- you weren't raised in an Indian family so you won't have much in common with Indians raised in Indian homes.

There's a yahoo board that has Indian adoptees. If you go to Ichild.org, you can find information about it. You will find a lot in common with those folks, I'm sure.

We adopted our daughter from India (Mumbai) and loved it there. We can hardly wait until she is old enough so we can go back to visit.

[Melissa84]

Hi Indianprincess,
I was just wondering how much you know about your adoption. I was adopted as well from Calcutta. I'm a sophmore in a fairly large university in lower new york. I've also experience some simular things with others of my race, b/c of growing up in an American family. If you wanna talk private message me or you can email me at mtucke2@pride.hofstra.edu . Hope to talk to you soon.
Melissa

[gabi532]

Hello Julie!

I am adopted too and come from the South of India. Ironically my best friend is Indian and that has helped me a lot, but u are right about not fitting in. He says that I have some of the character traits as well. The first time and consequently other times, i was with Indian people, I felt like a fish out of water. Being from Southern India, it''s a slap in the face to see other indians because i have NEVER met anyone that remotely looks like me except my best friend whom we share the same large soft brown eyes! Most Indians are from the Northern parts.

People have gone too far to say that I was "not Indian" because i was adopted. How annoying and culturally insensitive! Culturally that is true and as a kid, i just wanted to be a kid. As i've become older i have more interest in our country and am interested in going for a visit.

Well, anyway, i would love to keep in contact with you. I know very few adopted Indians, and knowing more can only help both of us. u can PM me here and my email address : gabi532@yahoo.com.

[Manisha]

My situation is unique..I was born in the US yet adopted by my mom and dad who were born and raised in India. I am east indian...half and I have an older brother who is mom and dad biological child. I am 100% American with the blessing of having parents that offered me thier culture and allowed me to experince the indian and american ways of life...lucky me!!!! Yet I was more comfortable with my friends that were not Indian. I have no Indian friends...but tons of family..not blood but other indian families who moved to America in the 50's and 60's.

I am an adoptee, I am also half East Indian..born in CA in 72' and adopted by the most amazing family in 75.' My mom and dad are from India...how they lucked out!!!!!!!!!! Well, I am blessed, yeah I was the typical kid and the typical adoptee...typical teenage issues and then add on a few adoption issues. But I was offered all the East Indian traditions..granted I have a hard time keeping track of all the traditions mom and dad keep me posted on holidays and I choose if I want to celebrate. They think im stubborn, little do they know I am proud of my heritage and carry the traditions in my heart on the day the holiday is celebrated! Little do they realize that due to my learning disability of remembering the dates, and meaning I want to celebrate with them but for the 29 years that they have been my Mom and dad I can't remember a **** thing. The Indian Dance classes were dreadful, not because I was embarrassed but because I could not remember the steps, the moves or the timing. I think my culture is beautiful. The indian skits for Dewali were hard because I felt like an idiot..while the expected moves and gestures would flow so graceful from the other girls I needed to be reminded of each scene and what I was to do and I felt that the parents teaching were annoyed and looked at me as an idiot. I know Mom thought it was because I wasn't proud of the culture but thats false. Granted my self esteem was not up to par and I didn't want the attention because I didn't know what to do with it...so everytime she requested I dress in the beautiful Indian gowns I refused. My older brother picked up the language, granted he flaws at times im beyond jealous that he can put the words that I understand in the correct order and speak to our relatives in india. I just couldn't remember the basic concept of speaking the language..another thing im not sure if my Mom understood. Im proud of my ethnicity and hopefully the things that I cannot offer my own children because I can't remember my Mom will offer them. I want them to carry the pride that I had but hid, but I want them to show the pride. Ask my 9 year old son what he is and he will let you know...and believe me he is proud to be part East Indian. Im at times ashamed that I cannot educate them more. But I am blessed to have beautiful parents that will offer them what they offered me and will accept how they relate to their ethnicity. Judgement is never passed from my parents. How lucky am I? How lucky are my children? How lucky are all the people that are touched by MY MOM and DAD?

Manisha

[JooYung]

I hope you are doing better, being adopted to a white family and then being thrown into the culture you could have been part of is really difficult.

For myself, I yearn for it, I wish I had grown up in an asian american family, with people who looked like me and had a love for the food and culture of my mother land korea.

As for myself, I have created a wonderful relationship with good friends who are both korean, and korean american, someday I hope to have my own biological asian children and raise them to feel comfortable with all sorts of cultures and feel most comfortable with being asian american and embracing who they are, so when they go off to school or out unto the world they don't have the same nagging feeling of desire to fit in, I had to deal with.