[greatdad]

My wife & I are in our mid 30's, very close, and have a beautiful (extremely blonde) outgoing daughter born in summer 2000. It took 3 years of trying to have our first. So far no luck having second. We feel that our daughter should have a sibling, and that there should be less than a 3 year age difference between them. Since we still haven't gotten pregnant yet, it's time to explore adoption.

Our healthy financial position, and the fact I devote 2-3 days per week (plus weekends) to being a "stay at home house-dad" puts us in a very strong position to take care of a second child. Our children will attend the best private schools, etc., etc. What are the odds of us finding a normal, happy, healthy, blonde, caucasian boy age 1-4? I mention blonde because it would be very obvious that he's adopted unless he has a fairly light complexion. Yes, we would tell him he's adopted, but would prefer to minimize the physical differences so that it's not the first thing everyone else notices.

To adopt a child within the next, say... 12 months(?) should we broaden our criteria to "two arms, two legs, and a head"?

[cheezestix101]

I cant tell you what the odds are but you using the term "normal" just really bothers me.

I am new to all this but from what I know almost all kids in foster care have had some issues to deal with it could be physical, mental or sexual abuse but this does not make them abnormal it just gives them challenges that you have to help them work through. Also they may be disabled in some way shape or form this also makes them far from abnormal. It just gives them challenges that have to be worked through also.

[Love_um_all]

I would not worry about that. The vast majority of young ones I have seen have been pretty normal. I would say, that if you have plenty of money in the bank, a nice house, new cars, and at least one of you is stays at home, you chances of adopting a newborn are very good. You also should have a really good childhood, that helps too.

Now, before I get blasted by everone else, I just want you to know this is what I have been told be several people from CPS. They will not admit it publically, but the truth is, "people who have new cars, and nice homes, and pictures of their vacations to Hawai(sp?) have a better chance at adopting the legal risk, newborns. " According to FAD worker. FYI

[HappyMomAnna]

There are many ways to achieve adoption. If you are financially secure you can pay your money and go for a domestic infant adoption. If you choose this method most often the birthmother would choose which family she places with -- so it could be a real good idea to attend some basic classes and learn the "rules" of adoptive language--you would be amazed how one word can trigger reaction.

If you are interested in adopting an older toddler or child under four through the state foster care system then be prepared to have a real look at the issues children might have and educate yourself. Be ready to be frightened half to death and sad.


I am not sure why anyone actually thinks that having money and 'stuff' will get you any place with the state? The adoption from foster care is usually free--with all costs being repaid to the adoptive families and in most states adoptive families continue to receive subsidies for children who may have special needs.

So I find it difficult to understand why on earth a caseworker would say that having money will get you anything with the state? Having money will only get you someplace in a private adoption and even then there are laws on how much adoptive parents can pay....

The states and I am sure a birthmother really only care that the family is safe, and can provide for the child.....

With the state will it make a difference if you have a well paying job and been there for ten years? YES---because that shows stability.

Do people with stable lives often have fatter bank accounts? YES because they have stable lives.

The states and most birthmothers simply want stable loving homes---stable loving homes often reflect this by the financial decisions a family makes--stability logically will lead to people who are wise with their resources and manage their lives in such a way that getting by is not the biggest issue of each day.

Do people with stable lives have newer cars---YES because they know the cars are important issues in maintaining the stability. Do people who have stable lives go on vacations--Yes because they can as they planned and saved for it.

I think one should consider the fact that stability is often reflected in the family--and a new car, good job, and trip are simply part of a stable life---These things usually do not simply Fall into our lives---most of us with these things have lead a consistent and stable life for a very long time--If we are considered a good placement for a baby--then I think the decision makers recognize stability when they see it.....