[Lori1001]

Hi all. I am sorta new here. I have moslty been using the site to see what others have been through and try to piece together what I can in regard to my situation. Im sure there are others out there that are in somewhat the same boat. But I have not seen any similar as yet.
I am in the process.. just the beginning I might add since everything seems to take forever
Right now,I am a kinship/foster care mom/gramma. I have been taking care of my grandson since his birth. He just turned 1 a week ago. I wont get into the whole sickening story right now except to say that TPR has been done already Actually the parents did it voluntarily after they finally realized that they had no way to win if they tried opposing it.
Now I am waiting ( and waiting and waiting) to get somewhere in this adoption process. While I dont want to sound as if money would change my goal. it is a very stressful issue right now.
I have to say nowe that I was taken completely by suprise at the turn of events when this all initially happened. I didnt know there was anything shady at all going on until after he was born.. and was notified the night before a court hearing that CPS was involved. He was 2 months premature.. and drug exposed! I was shocked. and actually a bit disappointed in myself for not being able to see some signs or something!

He was placed with me.. and I was advised to complete the foster care training and become licensed and therefore recieve the monthly per diem. Which.. took MUCH longer to accomplish getting.. after I finished than any one ever led me to think!! NOW I am faced with the wonder if he will actually meet the eligibilty requirements for the adoption subsidy.. remember I hadnt been planning a family... again! does any one know if just those circumstances of the prematurity and drug exposure meet any of those guiidelines? He is about 2 months behind developmentally.. but . once he hits that mark,he seems to be where he should be. He was recently placed on a nebulizer for some breathing issues. and we think that was more becuase of a cold. But his father did have asthma as a baby. I have read so much about all the things cocaine methadone and marijuana could do.. but who knows how they decided elegiblity in these circumstances? Or what may happen down the road?! and I dont want to have him AND have to work 24 hours to take care of him.. how good would that be for him?
Anything any all you may have to offer would be appreciated. Thank you

[DESOSMAMA]

Lori, It Does seem lk everything is in slow motion all the time doesn't it? My husband and I got physical custody of our daughter( his bio niece) in 2002 and did not finalize adoption until 2004. The good news is tht i am quite sure your grandson will qualify as special needs, my daughter was not born drug addicted but her bio mom was a drug abuser and this is what qualified her. So I am sure if we qualified you will also. Just a heads up tho don't count on that check to be in a certain day every month the state has switched to a direct deposit system and sometimes it comes at the end of the mo and sometimes the beggining, at least mine does. Good luck and u r a great grandma ! I gained custody of my child because her grandparents flat out refused to raise her saying they were too old at 40. It's been a blessing for me tho and i am so thankful. good luck 2 u.

[Lori1001]

Oh my.. thank you so much for just that glimmer of hope.. I actually have tears from it. As I just got through once again going over finances.. trying to figure out how to pay or pay off all the things that I was taking care of "mostly" fine when it was just myself to worry about. Having added expenses are definatley tough. However,not tough enough for me to ever let this little guy leave me!!
I did not hesitate for one moment on making the decision ( it wasnt like I really had any time to think about it!) as to being willing to take him. He was a part of my son..and the huge bond is indecribable. No matter that my son is definatley lacking in his decision making skills and life choices. I have never regretted having the baby with me.
I am recieving the foster per diem now. Albeit with the flaws in the timing.. and I do think that had I not had to wait soooooooooooooooo long for that to begin I would be in better shape than I am now. So I know what you mean about counting on it on a certain date .As long as it gets here is good enough for me.
I have alot of family that offered any assistance that I may have needed when this all happened and assured them that I would take them up on it. Then when the cw told me about the fostering and that they advised everyone to take advantage of it.. I was turning down offers simply saying.. dont worry..we wont need it because of this. It took me what was it.. 6 weeks to complete my training.. but nearly 6 months for any assistance to come through. Of course getting behind and catching up make things even harder. By then I didnt feel as if I could ask for help. because it wasnt diapers or babysitters that needed to be paid for .. it was house payments and electric bills. I always made sure he had what he needed before anything else. So, it seemed to me that it would seem to any one I was asking that it was more now for me than for something he needed. If that makes any sence. alot of this help and family are actually ex in laws and such. That may make it easier to understand.
The second job I have.. was getting so hard to manage time wise with sitters.. stress and my regular job ,that I decided to go to only 1 night a week.. therefore still having at least that much as extra . because what the per deim pays is really like trading in the second job money for thier money. But I felt that being with him was better for him than getting shipped all over or left with others all the time. On top of work we also had ( no longer of course) supervised visits with mom and dad. On top of the other grandmother insisting that regular visits with her be written into his case plan. so even the weekends were full of rush around and haul him here and there. ( I am getting lengthy now arent I?) I think just having someone to spew all this to feels like such a relief. I have noticed the tight bond it seems everyone has in this forum. And maybe I needed " a shoulder" more than I thought.
Moving on with the adoption subsidy. There seems to be no answer to any questions no matter how vague I ask any one at CPS. The meconium tests were positive for cocaine and THC.. the mother then admitted to that as well as some prescription drugs such as Adderol and methadone that she was abusing. She is also now in prision for precription drug fraud.
Im not sure that they ever classified him as being addicted. or if they said only exposed. He does seem like a normal 10 month old.. who is 12 months old for the most part.
after writing all this I again feel as if I am putting too much stress on the money issues. I can talk myself down a little simply thinking it will be alright.. and all will work out in the end. But. it is scary.. starting over.. my youngest is 22.. and thinking ahead to all the things this child will need eventually.. oh.. there I go stressing again
Thank you so much for the help and hope you've given me with your reply and experience. It sounds as if things have worked out for you. there are happy endings.
I just looked back at the dates you took custody and finalized. I think I have a long road ahead as I have had him since Nov. 2008.. another year to go!? ugh.. another year of being under the thumbs of CPS and the maternal family. which is another issue I will deal with later... or at least try to figure out what road to go with that. One thing at a time I guess.
and good luck to you and yours!

[DESOSMAMA]

There is so much to deal with when it comes to this type of thing. Sometimes you just feel completely overwhelmed!!! There were days that I just sat down and couldn't stop crying because of all the stress. I look back at it now and can't believe that I went through all that and kept my sanity. The upside is that allthough it is difficult you know in your heart that it is the very best thing that you could be doing. I wonder sometimes what would of happened if I would have said no when the case worker called and asked us to foster, where would she be at now? It's a very frightening thought considering the bio mom's mental instability, and rampant drug use. I believe you are doing a great thing and through all the stress, and the financial drama, at the end of the day there will always be a way. My husband and I foolishly refused to take the foster per diem and boy did I regret it!! It was definately a struggle. I do also understand the frustration of being under the cps thumb. I had a full time job at the time and I had to quit because I was taking off every other day it seemed like either for a meeting, or a court date. I also understand what it's like to feel like you are not at the ideal age to be taking on a child. I was nineteen years old and had been married for four months when we gained custody. I felt like in a lot of ways I was still a child myself and did not know what I was getting into. Thankfully just as you commented I had a great support system and plenty of family and friends that were willing to help out. Sometimes I felt embarrassed or ashamed when I had to say " Hey we are fine on diapers and such but I'm late on the rent , could you do me a favor?" It's so hard to ask for help when you need it sometimes, but I'm glad I did. I have a wonderful extended family that was always there for me. Sometimes the old adage is true and it really does take a village ! You are doing great and I truly hope everything eases up a bit for you real soon. Just keep your head up and take comfort that you are giving an enormous gift to a child that needed you. If you ever have any questions or just need to talk feel free to private message me at anytime.

[Becki_in_IN]

BOTTOM LINE!!!

Document everything. We went to see about every specialist possible BEFORE Kyle was even available for adoption. He was born cocaine-positive, but looks pretty normal to the rest of the world. I made sure we documented all the problems that he had or might have.

I hope you have your grandson in Early Intervention. That is why Kyle is doing so well. The fact that he had had ongoing therapy since 3 mos. old helped our case. Also, Kyle's adoption wasn't finalized until after he was two. That helped as well.

You need to get his caseworker on your side. Ours really went to bat for us. She resubmitted his application over and over. The fact that he was placed with you at birth helps as well. He will qualify for govt AAP because of that.

[cecegarrett]

Lori..
Have you considered going through a foster agency... I know this sounds completely backwards.. but I am just wondering if you would get better services for him and you if you had someone with less of a caseload, who is well versed in the needs of exposed children at bat for you. PM me and I will give you some contact info and if you want to meet the director of our agency, I can set up a meeting time and even go with you if you want.

I guess what I am saying is.. if you were licensed for therapeutic/special needs and sort of started over in a new agency, if they could work it out so that you would be better cared for, and in turn could care for little guy with less worries. ( I don't know if I am making sense..lol)

Best of luck. And thank you for taking care of a little person who needs you.

[Mumofmanee]

Lori, it does seem to take forever and there are never enough answers soon enough, I really feel for you. I have adopted my Granddaughter, and you sound so much like myself a couple of years ago. I got her just before she turned 3 months, did the foster license process, and her adoption was finalized when she was about 18 months old. She was also cocaine exposed. In the end, I got a statement from her pediatrician stating she was under close observation due to prenatal drug exposure, and due to the fact that she was being treated for asthma. I turned a copy of that into her case manager. I didn't get her involved in First Steps until after her first birthday, and at the time she almost didn't qualify, I saw little problems that may become big but she tested well. Thankfully, she got into the program though, and today at 2 1/2, she not only qualifies for her original help, but she is seeing 3 different forms of therapists. I really don't know how I'd keep up with it all if she hadn't received her subsidy. Another thing that can help the children qualify is if they are of a minority group, she is bi racial. Also, if the parents were considered unemployed, on gvmnt help at the birth, or incarcerated. If you would like, we are in Marion Cty. and we would love to get to know you and your Grandchild more, just send me a pm and I will send you some private contact information. I know exactly how you feel. I have been so angry at her parents at times, frustrated and didn't know how I'd do it all over again when my two daughters are now grown, and at one time constantly feeling as if I am under the watchful eye and control of the State. It does get easier in so many ways. I wish you the very best.

[Lori1001]

WOW again..thank you to you all. Each of you have very good info and stories of your own that help me , or at least my spirits, feel lifted. At this point just having a good sense of feeling is so welcome.
Also..again, Im overwhlemed with emotion.
Documentation I learned in classes needs to be done. However I have had a hard time ( at the times I have thought about it) of what to document. As I said, he seems to be a healthy 10 month old.. who is really 12 months old. I have made sure to report every tiny thing to his cw. who , by the way is on my side.like.. the turned leg, being behind in things such as grasping and reaching and rolling over and setting up all at the times we were watching for these things to happen. But my worry is the adoption team that the case is suppose to go to. Which is another strange story , at least in my mind that I will tackle with you all. In the near furture. seems you all know more than the people who are suppose to.
I think that even though it is hinsdsight now.. I will go back and at least document even the slightest things. His pediatrician has said ( at his 9 month checkup)that she thought we would continue to watch his progress and depending on that decide if first steps should be involved. should I contact them now anyway?? I have been doing what she advised to this point. He was also just in for his 12 month checkup.. I thought about taking the states eligibility for special needs,and asking her if she would classify him in any way within those guidelines. Just in case I needed something from her. for some reason I wasnt sure if my timing was right. and just didnt do it. He has a history in his family of asthma and last month a breathing machine was sent home with him. However they didnt diagnose him with asthma at that time. " accute bronchial spams: is what was written on the office paperwork that I have.there is that.. and he was just x-rayed last week to make sure his hips were right.. because he has a foot that turns in. they came back o.k. for his hips. she thinks he will outgrow that.
I may take each and every one of you up on offers, all of them. Actually. in all my joyousness today I think we should all arrange to meet.. either at a house or for lunch or something some day! of course a Mcdonalds would probably have to be agreeable.. kid friendly as they are and all ! ha ha.Maybe a monthy get together!!!
We have a court date On Nov. 2 permanency hearing( of which Im not sure and have asked) why it has taken so long to do this. since it was my understanding, with info from the State of Indiana,CWS manual. that a modification could be done at any time. This one is scheduled now because this is the date his last case plan is due!?? When I ask.. I am told this is the way it has to go.. and that cw is doing what her supervisor tells her.. shaking head again. My hope is to get some better answers to some of my questions then. If not.. well. I guess Ill decide what I need to do as far as getting the ball rolling in a more proactive way myself. Not that I havent tried .. Ill just be more diligent and intense on my mission instead of doing as they advise so much. Like an attorney.. they tell me that I really dont need one. at least not at this point. because they are not going to take him from me.. and it all has to go through the process with or without one. any thoughts on that??? There is that money issue again. Not knowing if even the one time payment for those expenses will be covered. however the judge did tell me last time that there was money available for that . Or at least a portion! and yes. that taking off work for all hearings and meetings. I told them all at one that if I could just go to work.. and come home and take care of him.. I probalby wouldnt have gotten so far behind even with the 6 month wait on the per diem.. but I go to them all.. because I feel I need to in order to hear everything first hand!
I think I may be rambling again.. as my mind reels thinking of all there is that I kept to myself , swimming in my head for the past year.. so sorry if that is the way this reads.

OH! something else. he was suppose to be released to me from hospital.. but due to another stunt by biomom.. he ended up going to a foster home for almost 4 weeks.. that nearly killed me. and in turn I nearly killed her! that of course is a joke. probably a bad one too..they were finally convinced it was just that .. a stunt!!! either way.. he never went home with parents.. one never worked a day in her life I dont think. and was in trouble with the law to begin with. and is now in prison.. other has a lousy job.. pays nearly nothing.. and was on parole at this time..that though has been released since. It seems all that should count for something!!!
I think I should leave it at that.. lest I have another HUGE post.. and you all end up thinking Im a nut case. Im not really.. I just feel like one at times.
Through it all. I wouldnt change having my little pumpkin ( a.k.a. skeletor. ha ha) with me for anything!!
The best to you all. and I do hope to meet each of you!!

[DESOSMAMA]

hi lori.... no your not a nutcase, i felt like i was nuts half the time too! As far as your question about a lawyer, i'm not sure what others have experienced, but in my case we did go the entire process without hiring a lawyer, my daughter had a casa( court appointed special advocate), and of course there was the lawyer for the cps, but we never had a personal lawyer. The lawyer for the cps fought basically for us and when it came time for the actual adoption, cps has a list of lawyers that will take the adoption and do it for a flat fee of 1500 dollars which the state pays for. I was interested in hiring my own lawyer but the cw and supervisor told us it would just make things more complicated. So in short for me it worked out just fine with out a personal lawyer. My adoption took place in Porter County, I don't know what county u are in , but Martha L. Wishmeyer was the attorney who finalized our adoption, and she is fantastic, and does work with cps.

[Lori1001]

That is reassuring. That nutcase thing I mean.
I think alot of it is from having too many things to think about all at the same time.
I have heard some say that a lawyer is a must. But I really couldnt figure out why. Our CW has told me she has families that have them.And they call wanting info and updates and there is nothing more they can tell them at any given time than they can me. I guess if someone were fighting me on this or I felt as if I wasnt getting what I should I would speak to someone. I have no clue if any of this has left one desk to be put on another. I should have been back in July.. or soon thereafter TPR. So, you didnt have one through the process but had this lady to finalize? Am I understanding that correclty? I am in St. Joe county btw. and I feel the same about cw and their attorney.. they are all on my side. Just scary thinking they will turn it over to adoption team That is the term they keep using.. and I will have to possibly deal with a whole different and new set of people. I will ride it out for now.. and see if and when I feel another party involved is neccesary. I had asked about a CASA months ago. And cw said that she didnt feel it neccesary at the time because of his age.. and the fact that they are all behind me.. and no one is fighting me for him. I did let her know that was one thing I worried about.. maternal side ( all of them) are shady.. so not only do I feel like I am under CPS thumb.. I tend to ( looking for a good way to phrase this ) ummm..keep the peace.. I dont want to do or say anythign that might make them do something to mess things up. I have been reassured that there is no way they would take him from me no matter what they might try.. its just the idea of more drama and delay Im trying to avoid. so I always have to be a step ahead of them. and trying to think like them sometimes is nerve racking..I have become quite the detective though. but my kids have always said that.!
has anyone had to deal with bio fam's after adoption was finalized. I told you I would go that route eventually. It did pop out of me sooner than Id expected!i
Thanks again to all of you!!!

[DESOSMAMA]

Well it's good that no one is fighting you. We had to fight because my husband's sister would do just enough of what cps asked of her to make things difficult, then she would not show up for visits, or court dates, or get herself arrested. It was almost like she was purposely doing what she could to make our lives hell. She wouldn't do what they wanted her to do to regain custody though. Then after we had already had my daughter for a year, her bio father showed up , but he was quickly shot down by the judge considering at the beggining he visited once and then was not seen or heard from for a year. Being as my daughter's bio mom is my husband's sister there is the family issue. I do not allow her access to my daughter because she is still a drug abuser roaming the streets constantly and has had two other children that she has abandoned. I would have loved to adopt the other two but she wont allow it because she says my rules are too strict. Wow didn't know that requiring you to not do drugs or bring drugs around a child was too strict ya know? My husband and I have also broken ties with his biological mother because she is mentally unstable and very manipulative. She sides with his sister and tries to behind our backs set up visits with my daughter and his sister so she can't be trusted. I would have been a lot more open to visitation had my sister in law stopped the drugs and the abusive behavior, but I will not allow her to pop in and out of my daughter's life when ever she feels like it. On top of that my daughter is 9 and she does not want to see her bio mom. I am hoping she changes her mind as she gets older just so she can have closer. But I refuse to force her. Now I'm rambling! So that's the family issue for me. What are the other side of the family like? Are they cooperative with you? Are they stable, decent people? Oh and for your other question, they do turn you over to an adoption team but in my experience they were just as good if not better than my actual caseworker. They are the ones that will get you signed up for the adoption perdiem and any other services they think you may need.

[saj]

I'm going to pop in here too, as I have been following this thread. I actually think that once the TPR has been signed, all biological ties are broken, unless someone is going for a kindred placement. Then once the adoption is final, you can decide whom you want included in your daughter's life. When my daughter's bio mom signed off, she was granted one final visit, as were her parents. That was it.

[Lori1001]

In my situation, which does sound similar in some ways. That was almost how it went with bio mom and dad doing required services, Dad ( who is my son) took a while to get moving.. did well for a bit.. then he stopped going to one of the counselors.. Mom.. didnt even set anything up that she was suppose to. Even with all the promting from her parenting aid, cw. parents I for one decided I wasnt prompting or reminding any one to do anything.. that was their job to do.
Both had repeated failed drug screens.. dad finally got those cleaned up and regained his visitation. Mom never did. They also had both missed visits and were late for everything. even court. which never looks good. Mom ended up being arrested for prescription drug fraud.. put on house arrest for a year. How can someone even think of raising a child if you cant leave the house? She messed that up by taking off the tether.. thinking she could get away with it. They knew she had tampered with it because it was on upside down!! gave them some story about it being too big and the dog got it and blah blah blah.. as I said before. My son is far from being any where near responsible for himself!! I really dont trust him any farther than I can throw him. and from the beginning of his relationship with this girl. I knew she was bad news even for him. So many drug related issues,, dealing prescription drugs was her job.. manipulating doctors in the area.. writing her own scripts ( and getting caught before this) most of that happened before we ever layed eyes on her.. anyway.. she is in prison now.. she keeps writing me letters asking for forgiveness.. saying she has changed her ways.. and honestly. I dont buy it.. Idont think I ever will. Yet, I have always been one to think that people can change and better themselves. so I am sort of contradictory of myself right now. There are alot of other things along the way too.. and I just plain dont like her.. and I dont think I will ever forgive her for what she has done to my Little Bruiser..or what she has put me and my family through. another contradiction I have. .is that I seem to think that dad can somehow make amends.. Im sure that has to do with him being my son. I had questioned him over and over asking if he knew this was going on.. and if he did , he was just as bad as she was. He CLAIMS that he knew about the one prescription that apparently was a real one for her. I still think she sold alot of it though. and that he knew she took more than she was suppose to. and that was part of the reason he even stayed with her.. to try to keep an eye on her. babysit her.. she was ready in the beginning to abort the baby.. and he told her that if she didnt want it.. he did!! with or without her. I think it was her way of holding on to him.. any way.. Im torn between believing him.. or trusting or tossing him. and NO ONE but her put anythign into her body. I so wanted to hold that tiny baby in front of her with a handful of pills and say .. here.. why dont you shove these down his throat.. thats what youve been doing! And that says nothing of the cocaine and whatever else was mixed in there!!
She has 2 brothers. that are no better than she is.. and I sometimes feel sorry for her mom.. because I know she loves the baby.. and wants to be part of his life.. but I honestly would rather they all just go away. If that is how they all turned out.. ya know? mean sounding isnt it? and I see so much of bio mom.. in bio gramma that it is scary. On top of the fact that I know she was part of the scheme before his release from the hospital the ended up sending him to a foster home to start with. There have been a few other shady deals she has tried to pull. and not gotten away with since then too. And they never.. I mean never help with anything. Oh wait.. I had to convince them one time to help pay the sitter.. no diapers no clothes no toys.. nothing that grammas typically buy their grandkids..just for the fun of it.Its like she is a dead beat dad.. who wants to see the kids. but wants no part in helping to pay for them!
I think that I feel like I didnt do this.. and I wouldnt have had anything to do with them otherwise.Im just trying to do what is right of baby and myself so that we can move on and get past this. I just want my life back. with a new son ( that is what he will be legally.. I havent figured that out either.. who I am to him.) So why do I have to involve them in my life now.? Ohhhhh the rambings of a confused person..I seem to do that non stop. I think it has alot to do with all of you being so helpful!! see how I placed that blame elsewhere?? LOL
I do try to put myself in her shoes though.. and think how much I would hate to be punished for my sons actions..but I really dont want bio mom around him ever.I am just so bitter ! She is always talking about missing him.. how do you miss someone youve never been around anyway? And Baby doenst know her. she hadnt seen him since Feb. until they started doing these stupid video vistits from other grammas house to the prison!! That makes my blood boil. but he has no idea what is going on.
They all seem dillusional in regard to her being a part of his life. like they think she will just be there all the time.. wants to get a job and help pay bills for him. I dont want anything from any of them. And she is not going to be popping over to visit on a whim! Those things I do know and have decided! Of course there is his growing up to be considered too.. and his feelings.. so I cant just consider my own. Its all very hard to think about and come up with an answer for what is best for him along the way.
Im sure that even with a relative adoption..it would work out the same as if it was not relative. unless however there is some mention of it being open..which so far. it has not. I think they just assume this.. so it hasnt come up.. and Im at the point that I am going to let them just assume that until it is final. and I have to cross that bridge. I do think that I will allow gramma to see him.. but NOT on this stupid schedule we have now.. another thumb Im under.. and if MOM ever gets out of prison.. I guess if her mom wants to supervise visits.. she could go to her house.. but not be alone or anything with him.. if they screw that up.. they would be done. BUT I would rather just forget I ever met any of them.
So.. whos next???

[Lori1001]

wow.. now I see that.. it IS long!!! so sorry!!o

[DESOSMAMA]

Hi Lori, God I truly feel for you . Listening to you describe your son's girlfriend is like describing my sister in law. Same kind of stuff drugs, arrests, jail time, you know the whole deal. Her husband at the time was not much better. It was difficult for most of the family to deal with, I am sure that my mother in law felt somewhat like you do, she pretty much had to choose between her son and her daughter , she testified for my husband and against his sister during the tpr hearings, and it got pretty ugly. My husbands biological mom ( who incidentally failed to raise him) testified for his sister. This situation can definately tear families apart. It is seven years later and honestly my sister in law is no different than she was then. She has had two more children, and has moved on from crack and prescription drugs to heroin and meth. Thankfully by the grace of god none of the children were born with any issues. I hope your son wakes up one day and realizes what a fantastic mother he has and that he needs to get his life together to b there for his mother and son. It's a shame that some people take such things for granted. My mother in law held a lot of guilt for a long time thinking that somehow the way her daughter had turned out was her fault but now she has now come to terms with the fact that no matter how good of a mother you are sometimes your children just go down a path that you cant understand. I don't blame you for wanting to steer clear of the girlfriends family. Sometimes you find a bad apple in a bunch of good ones but it doesn't sound like that's the case here. Like I said, my husband's bio mom is just as messed up as his sister , and I refuse to allow her any where near my child. Once the tpr is over and the adoption is finalized it's your call. You decide when or where there is visitation. To be honest if it were me I would agree only to supervised visits supervised by you or by a third party. I tried the whole visitation thing but it blew up in my face. Don't feel like you need to bed over backwards for them. They don't help you at all and sounds like to me that they jsut want to be along for the ride instead of contributing in any real way. I know it is difficult because you are constantly wondering if you are doing the right thing and you say to yourself " well they are family" , but I have learned more than anything that sometimes you just have to say no. Don't ever feel bad for " rambling" that's what this is for , to get out all your frustrations and have someone who understands listen and help. I myself have some venting of my own to do today. I am conflicted and torn, bcause my nine year old now seems to understand pretty much everything that I have explained to her over the years and she is upset that she has two brothers that she never sees. I can understand her being upset but the problem is that there is not much I can do about the situation. I have called the man that has adopted her 7 year old brother he is a family friend, but I have tried to make contact and set up playdates in the past only for him to give me the run around. I called him last night and it's the same old thing " Oh well things are really crazy around here right now, bear with me we'll definately set something up in the near future." What is that? I mean he knows my daughter he took care of her when my sister in law was out doing drugs b4 the rest of us even knew what was going on, and I stressed to him that this was something that was truly bothering her that she was really upset and wanted to be a part of her brother's life and it's just like he didn't care. How do u not care that a little girl is heartbroken? What honestly is the big deal over a few hours at a park or a movie or whatever? The 7 year old knows he is adopted and he knows he has a sis and a bro so I just don't get it. The two kids have spent time together a few times in the past so I just don't see what the big deal is now. The problem with the second brother ( 4 yrs old) is that he is currently and has been since birth with my husbands bio mom. She is literally like a sociopath I swear. She has pulled guns on us out of no where, refused to return my daughter after a weekend stay , and taunted and insulted me after I gave birth to a stillborn. Honestly this woman is just mentally messed up. My sister in law signed over guardianship to her when the child was born to ensure that she would still have an active role in his life although she has failed to do that. I feel horrible that my daughter is upset by this, and I completely understand, but I have adoptive father # 1 giving me the run around, and I just cant' allow my husband's bio mom in my life again. It's just too much. I don't know what to do , I hate to say this but I really wish there was a way I could get the youngest child away from my husbands mom, but i don't know what to do. She's crazy but very intelligent and is a pro at working the system so I'm not entirely sure if anyone would believe us once she got through with them. I just don't know how I am going to make this happen for my daughter. I think it's a crime to make these kids, who by the way all live within 15 min of one another , wait until adulthood to know one another . It's just a mess.