[cheezestix101]

I have been reading about foster to adopt all night and I am just so scared. All I have read are horror stories (well abotu 98%) and it just makes me think maybe I shouldnt do this maybe I should just wait awhile and do regular adoption. I know normaly you do hear more about bad stuff then good stuff but it seems I am finding almost NO good stuff and its really scary.

[hoppiebarker]

Hi,
I guess I'm not up on the foster/adopt issue on this forum! I can only say positives. We did foster care for many years and decided to adopt.The first positive is that you already have that child in your home and know the back ground, issues,health concerns, subsidy,workers,teachers, etc. to be able to make the decision if this is right for you and your family v.s. adoption usually there are only a few visits and before you meet the child you have to be pretty open to commitment for the childs sake.Also, foster parents have first rights to adopt or not. We adopted a foster child and it was so much simpler than our other adoption.
"Relax" and Good Luck!

[Sharon]

cheezestix, remember that this IS a support forum. Most people who post here, no matter what their connection to adoption, are seeking support because they are having some issue or problem. There are probably many happy stories that we don't hear, simply because the families are not having any significant problems, and so they feel no need to visit support forums. I could be wrong, but this is my personal belief. I only know one adoptive parent who is involved in foster-adoption, and her situation has worked out very well. I don't think she regrets her decision at all. She is a frequent poster on this forum, and if you want me to I'll ask her to PM you so that you can discuss with her any specific doubts or questions you might have. I am not an adoptive mother, I'm a birthmother... but I'm a strong supporter of foster/ adoptions... there are just so many older children out there who truly need good homes. Please don't get frightened off until you've researched all aspects of foster/ adoption. I'll try to get my friend to PM you within the next few days, and then you'll hear another side of the story... a foster/ adoption that is working out great! Sincerely, Sharon

[Suzy]

cheezestix-

Foster-to-adopt isn't always easy but its always worth it in the end. We had lots of ups and downs in our journey, but we learned so much and ultimately are much stronger parents to our kids than we would have been if we had never encountered any difficulties. We are not all that different from say a tomato plant - a plant that weathers a few storms is ultimately a much hardier plant than one that is kept safely indoors and only put outside when the weather is perfect. God always prepares us for what is coming but he never gives us more than we can truly handle. Chin-up!

Blessings,

[cheezestix101]

hippie foster adoption here at least is where you get a foster child that is more then likely going to go up for adoption. You get to know the kids and everything before you ever adopt them.

Sharon that is kinda what I was trying to say that there are probably lots of happy stories but all you hear are the bad ones. I would love to talk to someone else. I know someone at work is also starting this process and I plan to talk to her but I think she is off today. We are wanting kids under 5 or 6 years old mainly because we are so young.

Suzy I am glad everything has worked out for you. How many kids did you end up adopting?

[Suzy]

Cheesestix -

We adopted three beautiful little siblings. They came to us as a foster placement in Feb. 2002 and were 2,3, and 5 at the time. Our adoption was final in Jan. 2003 (they had been in foster care for 2+ years before being placed with us). Now they are 4, 4, and 7, at least until that middle 4 turns 5 in a few weeks!

Nothing was as we expected or as we would have predicted, but we are so thankful for our beautiful children. We were not planning on doing foster-to-adopt, God just sort of threw us a curve ball. We are planning on being able to continue with fostering in the near future.

blessings,

[rindava]

i have 3 wonderful kids I adopted---- 2 were my foster kids and one was in foster care when placed for me for adoption.

I did have a bad time foster parenting---- it is not easy----- but there are thousands of kids who need good foster homes----

If you want to help a child, then that is a good way--

I am much more bonded to my girls as I was their only placement outside of their birth-p, It is easier and you know what you are getting into

I think it will still take my son many, many years to know an SW isn't going to come and snatch him----

It is hard, but worth it

[claylisa00]

Fostering is a good way to get to understand all the problems you'll deal with when you get ready to adopt. We went to class and learned about attachment disorders, adhd, etc., but no matter how much you read or research, you won't understand what it really and truly looks like in a child until you see it face to face. You'll learn what you can deal with and what you can't. Fostering isn't for everyone, it's terribly heartbreaking to see the kids leave, no matter how long you've had them. We haven't had a lot of placements (1 for 6 months, and 3 for a week or less) but we know enough to realize that it doesn't get easier to say goodbye. We have to say goodbye tomorrow in fact, then we're childless again until, well, who knows. We just try to suck it up and keep in mind that those kids are hurting more than we are, and we have the option to get out of this if we want, they don't have any options. We're just trying to help as many as we can until one comes along that God wants us to keep. We may even continue after that happens, who knows. Good luck with your decision.
One good story for us is that one of our former foster kids and her dad are coming over this weekend for a cookout. Sometimes the birth parents really appreciate what you did for their kids and keep in contact so you can still talk to and see the kids. It makes it so much easier to talk to them on the phone or e-mail, and see them and know that they are fine and happy. That one good experience will outweigh the heartaches, but won't make them disappear. Good luck.

[cheezestix101]

Actualy we have no worries with the psychological problems they may have. My husband knows first hand what its like to be with and work with kids like this. He does it everyday hes a psych nurse. So thats not what we are worried about at all.