[carolynppk]

Does anyone know of any good search angels in Indiana, especially Indianapolis?

Carolyn

[Wife]

Sorry, I don't. But have you registered with Mary Hinds at the Indiana Dept. of Records (pink and blue forms)?

Have you asked the judge in the county of your adoption to open your file?

[carolynppk]

Dear Wife,
Hi I just saw this, I don't check it often because I have very little response here for my brother.

He has submitted both copies to Mary. I did not find her very helpful in asking about getting any kind of information for someone adopted through the welfare department.

My brother has petitioned the courts to have his file open. He is in the middle of a messy divorce and does not have the money to do so. Does any one have any luck petitioning the court? All I have heard is most people get, no, no and no. Stinks, you're almost 50 years old and you have no say about your life and where you came from.

Thanks for responding!!!

Carolyn

[Wife]

Carolyn,

My late husband was adopted in 1965.
He passed away in 1999.
I did the pink and blue forms thru Mary Hinds, and immediately got a tiny bit of non-ID info (birthmom's age, eye/hair color, fact that this was her first baby, etc.). No place of birth, exact date of delivery, nothing.

My MIL knew that the Hancock Co. Welfare Dept. had handled the adoption here in Greenfield, so I typed up a quick note to the Director asking them to please send a letter to the last known address of the birthmom indicating we wanted to get in touch with her.

That letter was sent, but of course, the address was where she'd lived 40 yrs before. However, the letter did NOT get returned (like "Nobody here by that name", etc.) to the Welfare office.

After waiting to see if there'd be a response or returned letter (6 mo. or so), I just typed a quick letter to the Judge in Hancock Co., Indiana (where the adoption occurred), asking for the adoption file to be opened. Within 3 days I had a hearing time/date set, and my MIL and I went. The judge was very nice, but said he could not ON MY BEHALF open the file. However, since I'd mentioned in my letter that I was wanting this info on behalf of my 2 minor children, he said if someone other than ME requested the file to be opened, his answer could be different. In other words, read between the lines: Send me a letter asking on behalf of your kids, and I'll OK it.

Well, I did, and within 3 working days, I got a copy of the letter he sent to the Welfare Dept. directing them to give me the identifying info from that file.

How much of this occurred because my husband is deceased? I don't know.

I did not incur any cost whatsoever except the stamps for letters to the judge and welfare.

If he'd not OK'd it, I'd then have asked for a Confidential Intermediary to be involved, shell out the $450-500, and do it that way.

Hope this helps some!!
Patti

[carolynppk]

Patti,
you husband being deceased has everything to do with it. Doesn't that stink. If he were alive, that information would not be released. WHen I contacted my adoption agency, they found her. I had submitted all the information to Mary, my bmother had not registered. The adoption agency said I could check back every so many years to see if she was deceased, upon one of being deceased the information could then be released. So if I was dead she could get access, and visa versa. Everyone could get the information if one party is deceased. Isn't that just insane. I am sorry about your husband's passing. I can relate. I was born in 1965, my husband was born in 1963. He also passed away in 1999. We had three children 11, 9 and 1.

Do you have any relationship with with your husband's biological family? It must be very bittersweet to have the answers he could never have. You are in my thoughts.

Carolyn

[Wife]

Carolyn -- Sadly, I have the name, etc. of his birthmom, her parents, etc., but both of her parents are deceased (per Soc. Sec. index) and don't know how to trace the birthmom, unless I pay a private investigator, and that's a crap shoot. The aunt and uncle (her mom's side) lived right next door, and that's who I spoke to, but they don't want to get involved, and I don't think forwarded that letter to her. I just keep praying that she initiates the next contact move, and calls me. I gave my home phone no. in that letter, and we're registered w/Mary Hinds, so I think just sit and wait. Only have a relationship with my MIL, his adoptive mom, and not a super close one.

It's my understanding that a CI (confidential intermediary) will initiate contact for you, if they can track them down, and indicate that you wish to make contact. At least that's something. I keep hearing that so many people think the other part of the triad doesn't want to be found/find them, so they don't register.

My husband's biological father was an Iraqi college professor over here in the US doing post-doctoral research. Ain't no way I'm pursuing THAT side of his birthfamiliy ..... figure I'd have Homeland Security on my doorstep in an hour!!! But I did get his name and then-current address, plus the info that he tall, slender, and extremely handsome. So I know where my husband and sons get those genes at least!!

Yes, the outrageous laws in this country are nuts!!! I think adoption agencies should be closed - I've yet to hear of anyone saying they were soooo thrilled to have been adopted.

[carolynppk]

Patti,
I am one of the luck ones. I am thrilled to have been adopted. It was such a God thing, I know that I am where I was meant to be. I know it was right for my bmom, too , as we have a relationship. In the long run, I could not have ever asked for more. I consider myself very, very blessed.

I wish you luck. You have already come much further than many others have. Keep me updated here. I check this thread every week or so.

Warm wishes,
Carolyn

[Wife]

I'm soooo very happy for you, Carolyn!
David never got over being "thrown away", even my MIL readily admits that. Plus they were very non-affectionate parents in every way, even thru his death. No wonder he wanted wanted babies and more babies to snuggle, cuddle and love on.

I know one of his most favorite things to love about ME was my extremely loving nature and attitude towards my son. He told me that often.

[carolynppk]

Patti, that is so sad. I think my parent's views and how they presented everything had a very profound effect on my view of adoption. I find I have a very hard time idenitifying with most of the adoptees here because I am very happy about my adoption. Sure I had questions and thoughts on it, if I didn't I wouldn't have searched for my bmom. But never did I ever feel thrown away. I have always held great respect and love for Diane.

Me and my first husband's parents have had a huge split this year. We try to be civil, but I will never understand how they can abandon Scott's three kids. Oh well, their loss.

Hope you had a great Halloween. I'll keep you in my thoughts for reunion.

Carolyn

[redscarlet]

try going to www.SiblingsoftheLost.com they have search angels there that r will to help anyone in any state. I live in Indianapolis In. but am haveing a hard time finding things or I just don't look in the right spot. But I will not give up my search. GOOD LUCK.

[carolynppk]

Thank you so much for the info. Since I posted this a while ago, I don't always keep up and see if there are new posts. I will try that, thank you, again!!!

Carolyn