[KGroves]

My husband and I (both Caucasian) have been praying for quite some time and are feeling led to eventually adopt a little girl from India. Right now we do not have any children but will most likely have at least one biological child before pursuing adoption. Since our child or children will most likely still be young when we bring our little Indian angel home some of these issues may not even arise until a later.

As we were talking about all the issues that go along with transracial adoption my husband voiced some concerns. I guess I just wanted to throw some questions out there and see what advice those of you who have experienced this may have to offer. I know beyond any doubt that this little girl will completely capture my heart (because my heart is already in love with her) but how will this translate to the whole family unit.

- How can we make our little girl feel part of the family although she will look different?
- We don't want our other children to see my love for her to be any more or less because by the time we bring her home we will have been longing to hold her for years.
- Are there any books you would recommend on transracial adoption?
- Should I consider adopting a sibling group or possibly adopting another child so that she won't feel so isolated?

These are only some of the questions swirling around in my head as I try and trust that God's timing and beautiful orchestration of this journey will be far better than I could ever imagine. Thanks for your advice.

Kristen

[melimon]

Well, Kristen, it is very good to start asking yourself these questions early on. The worst thing you could do would be to ignore your Indian child's cultural and ethnic heritage and pretend she is just like one of your bio-kids. Of course, you will love and treat her just like a bio-child, and of course, over time she will assimilate American culture, language, attitudes and behaviors and be indistinguishable on that level from other American kids. She will also know you as mom and her siblings as family. However, if you live in a community with little diversity, there will always be a sense of being different when she looks it the mirror. It is not uncommon for older kids to struggle with racial identity issues in this culture, and this is true not just for adoptees but with kids who are bi-racial as well. The best thing is to educate and sensitizing yourself through reading and real life contacts. (You would be amazed at the reactions and comments I have gotten being a caucasian mom with a very dark-skinned Indian baby in my arms!)

Transracial adoptions add another dimension to your family that can be really enriching, if you choose it to be. Last week at a garage sale while looking for clothes for the Indian girls we are adopting, I got the comment, "How lucky those girls are. They get to come to America!" I said, "How lucky WE are!" Anyone who has been touched by India knows what this means and understands Mother Teresa's comment about the US being the poorest country she had ever been to and India being the richest country in the world. India has so much to teach us--the happiest most generous person I have ever met is a woman who was married when she was five, lives in the slums of Mumbai and can't read or write. (Maybe there is a reason you hadn't thought of that God is leading to India to adopt--It's not a little girl you are saving, but a little girl who is saving you...)

If you are worried about her fitting in, the best thing is to have around her people who look like her and can be positive ethnic role models. Learn as much as you can about Indian culture and society. Connect with a Indian cultural center or take an Indian language class. You can't hide the fact that she will be adopted and has birth parents on the other side of the world. This is going to be some part of her identity.

Although it sounds like your adoption plans are far off, you should be aware that only special needs and older children are available for non-Indian families in the US. The number of adoptions from India have also been on the decline over the last decade for several reason and wait times can be rather lengthy. Count on two years minimum process, probably longer. It's hard to predict what the situation will be 3, 5, or so years from now.

Best wishes in your adoption journey, whenever that may be!

[amyfk]

Hi Kristen

I wish you best of luck with your future adoption. This board usually dosesnt get as much traffic as others. Although I believe adoptions have halted from Guatemala there is a very active Guatemala board where families still post even though adoption activitiy has virtually halted. They have/are dealling with transracial issues too. You may want to toss out the same questions to them over there as you have here because there are always many folks who reply.
Best,
Amy K, NJ