[Indiaadoptee]

Hi!

If any of you are curious how growing up in the U.S. is for an Indian adoptee, let me know. It would be beneficial to hear the other side of the story, one adoptees rarely tell their own adoptive parents.

[Anu Subramanian]

So how is it for an Indian adoptee growing up in the US?

[Indiaadoptee]

oh man, that is a very broad question! are you looking to adopt from india, or are you just curious?

[Anu Subramanian]

Oh I am DEFINITELY looking to adopt from India. We will probably start the process sometime in early 2009 - we have to wait for citizenship etc for atleast one of us. It is a broad question - but, once you start with what you want us to know, more questions are likely to come up!!

[Indiaadoptee]

Ok,...where to start.
1. One sore subject was my first name! My parents kept the name my birth family gave me. It was hard for people here to pronounce it and I had to daily correct people. It got to be such a pain that a couple months ago I legally changed my first name. Every time I had to meet people, it painfully reminded me that I was an adoptee, especially when they laughed because they heard my Scandinavian last name. I'm not saying you should switchyour beautiful Indian baby's name to a total American name, like Kimberly, but you should take into account how a name can affect an adoptee.

2. Growing up in an all white family, I always considered myself white. I was probably one of two Indian children in my schools from k-12 grade. It's funny, but I wouldn't think I had brown skin until someone pointed it out. So when I was in late high school and early college, away from my parents, I experienced some racism. It always confused me because I thought I was white which is funny.

3. Because my dad is white, since my senior year in high school, it feels weird to go out in public with him. That is a real sore subject for me. I can't give him a hug goodbye if I'm at his office for fear people will think he's cheating on his wife or something. If I go out to eat with just him, people look at us funny. I remember once he and I had a weekend out in Philadelphia. I wanted to take one of those carriage rides with the horses around downtown, but he didn't because he said people would think we're "together". That's an issue parents will have to deal with.

4. My parents got me involved with educational programs about India when I was young. That was helpful, to see there were other Indian adoptees out there. If you are going to adopt, I highly suggest you buy trinkets and clothing from India when you are there, and never get rid of them! Over time, your adoptee will grow to cherish these items as treasure from their past.

So yea, I wrote a lot, but that's just the tip of the ice berg. I'm so happy you're considering adopting from India!

[Indiaadoptee]

Here's some good stuff-I seem to be dwelling on all the negative.

I also have a younger brother who is also adopted from India. Growing up, when our parents introduced us to people, people would think it is really cool that we're all a family. My adoptive parents got a lot of positive compliments about us!

My brother loves to play sports. A lot of guys think that because he's brown, that he is really good at basketball. That works to his advantage during games.

Sometimes it is nice, because I look like no one else-I am an individual. I stick out among blonds and brunettes. I don't have to highlight my hair or put a lot of makeup on to distinguish myself from other girls.

A really cool thing about not looking like my parents, is that when they'd embarrass themselves in public, my brother and I could just give them blank looks like, "Do I know you?" and casually walk away! Noone would know we were related. It's hilarious.

When are you going to get your US citizenship? It probably won't be for a while, and adopting from India takes a long time, but it is worth it.

[Anu Subramanian]

Thanks for the information. I am sure that will help some day! Did/Do you ever go back to visit India or have you wanted to? What kind of educational programs do you mean?
Our citizenship process will start in 2009, so our adoption will have to be sometime after that. That's when our waiting game will begin!

[Indiaadoptee]

I haven't gone back to India...it would be nice someday. Just to see where I was born and to finally be in a place where I am not a minority would be a nice change! The educational programs I participated in were for Indian children. We learned about the language, what people wear in India, art from India, etc. It was very informative and helped all of us in the class to embrace our background with confidence.

[silverxuan]

I'm glad you posted this. My younger sister was adopted from India, and what you've posted pretty much sums it up for her. She hated her given Indian name (Kalpana) and still prefers her middle name Lindsay, but while you seem to be embracing your heritage, she doesn't want any part of it right now. I'll have to pass along some of what you post. I think she'd appreciate knowing that she's not the only adopted Indian gal around!!

I myself totally understand where you're coming from as well, me being adopted from Vietnam. The looks, the questions, the sarcasm of "yeah right, you're siblings 'cuz you just look so alike!!" Looking back I get a chuckle over it, but back then, it was definitely something to deal with.

[Indiaadoptee]

I know exACTLY what she is going through! All of those, "wait, what's your name??" and the endless first day of classes all of my life where the teachers have no clue where to start to pronounce my name...ah, good times. I don't blame her for not wanting anything to do with her past...I sure didn't for most of my life. Vietnam! Wow. And it looks like you want to adopt from vietnam? That is awesome.

[carro]

hi
thanks for writing about your experiance.
My husband and I would like to adopt and we are looking at adopting a child from India. We have a few indian friends and we feel that is a culture we know a little bit about.
That was interesting what you said about your Indian name. I would not have thought of that. I love the sound of Indian names though.....

If you could think of anything else to tell us about yourself we would love to know...

you said you had a scandinavian last name ? I am swedish and my Husband is Australian by the way.

Anyway, I think my Husbands biggest fear is that the child won't accept him as his/her father.
Reading your post it seems as that was not an issue for you.

[Indiaadoptee]

Hi Carro. I'm so glad you are looking to adopt from India!
Yea, the Indian name issue was interesting. I like Indian names, don't get me wrong, but I am not fond of the ones that are hard to pronounce! My last name is Petersen...haha.
Why would your husband fear the child wouldn't accept him? Is there a particular reason?

If the child was adopted as an infant, your husband would be the only father he or she ever knew, so there would be no reason why they wouldn't accept him. That was my case.

My younger brother, on the other hand, who was also adopted from India, came home when he was 3. So he was old enough to know about family names, like mom,dad, brother,etc. In India, my brother lived with a missionary family before my dad arrived. But he didn't have a problem accepting my dad because they introduced my dad as his dad. He finally had someone to call Daddy.

My brother and I are very fortunate to have an amazing dad, so no, it wasn't an issue at all, growing up. Now being in college, it's a whole new thing. I love my dad very much, but it is hard because I know I have a birth father still in India somewhere. It's a huge mental struggle-I want to know more about my birth father, but don't want to seem ungrateful to my adoptive father. And I don't talk to my adoptive parents about it because I don't want them to know how big of a deal it is to me.

Did any of that help? What questions can I answer for you? Any topic you want me to talk about?

[carro]

Hi Indiaadoptee !
Thanks so much for that. I will Have my husband read this post.
I think he is more thinking of the teenage years when your then son or daughter wants to distance themselfs from the parents. The, your not my real father anyway comment....... well I guess you can get that comment from your teenage biological child too.

You said that you were worried to hurt your parents feelings because you feel you want to find out more about your birthfather.
I would think that is the most natural thing in the world..... Ofcourse you would want to know more, well I would, and if my husband and I would adopt I think I would even try to help our child as much as I could to find what ever information he or she wanted. Wouldn't finding out more about yourself make you feel more content ?
Maybe talk to your parents about it or ask them how would they feel if you wanted to find out more about your birthfather.....
They might not realize that you are thinking about it.
Anyway, thats just what I think

[carro]

OOOHH and by the way one of our indian friends are called
Venkathraman gurumurthi, well he just calls himself Venky......

[Indiaadoptee]

hey carro- sorry for taking so long to reply! i've been busy with projects and college finals. i'm glad my last post might be insightful, but i don't know any biological child who can tell their parent in an heated argument that their parents isn't their actual parent and believe it's true!
Venkathraman is his first name? Wow. That's gotta be interesting. It's good that you have indian friends. They'll be a great help to you when you adopt.