[aramesh428]

Originally Posted by Indiaadoptee

Hi, Momto1human-2furry,
No I haven't learned Hindi. I would like to, but I know I've heard it once before when I was a baby in India. So whenever I do hear it, in Indian movies or wherever, it gives me a huge headache and makes me nervous.

Happy belated birthday to your toddler!

Indiaadoptee, i've had the same sort of feeling about Hindi. I really want to learn it, so i can speak with fellow indians here in the US and in India. When i went back to India and and people came up to talk to me, and i couldnt reply to them, i felt sort of embarrassed, being indian and not being able to speak Hindi. How do you plan to learn it???

[possibleindiaadopter]

I really hope Indiaadoptee or one of the other adult adoptees is still reading this thread. (On the other hand, it would be exciting to discover that Indiaadoptee hasn't logged on for a long time because she is currently in India on the adventure of meeting her father.)

OK- I hope an adult adoptee can read my story and give me a little feedback. This is going to be long. I hope it isn't tedious! Thanks in advance for reading!


I'm American (white) and my husband is Indian (born and raised there). We are currently living in India though we have lived in the US in the past and will move back to the US soon. His family is here in India and mine is in the US. We own a house in the US so that is where we consider our primary home to be though his job sends us back and forth a lot.

We'd thought about having children soon. We'd like to start a family. But we have two reasons why we think we shouldn't. The first is that there are already so many people in the world- being here in India with a billion of them, you really start to see what "overpopulation" looks like. The second is that there are so many "street kids" here without parents. Some of them are in orphanages, but many are not. Put the two together and it seems like maybe adoption should be our first choice.

OK- I'm thrilled to find this thread because Indiaadoptee has expressed something I've been thinking lately. You see Angelina Jolie and these people adopting kids who still have living parents who can't afford to keep them and you see the extremes of poverty in developing countries, and it seems like we should put our collective energy into helping societies and families raise their own children and lift their own communities. Even in issues where the children are put up for adoption for reasons like gender preference or unwed social stigma- wouldn't the money be better spent CHANGING the societies from the inside so this doesn't happen? Improving healthcare and education, etc. This isn't the place to get into all of that- I just wanted to say that the politics of international adoption disturbs me a little. It is a profit-making industry after all. Even though the adoption agencies do NOT create the problems, they are frequently profiting from them.

So still, when I go back down to a personal level, none of these larger issues changes the fact that there are children in the local (horrible) church orphanage just 15 miles away from me who want a family. We are working to improve things here in India, but the children are still there!! Also there are street kids at my friend's organization who have no parents and run in gangs. My god it's a horrible thing to see and imagine that I could help but that I chose not to...

Then on the other hand, the child had no say in where/how/why he/she was born. Naturally I would never NEVER want a child to feel like I adopted him/her simply because I felt bad for him/her. The truth is that I want to start a family and there are children right in front of me.

My husband and I are both working in environmental and poverty reducing non-profits here. This puts us in the favorable position of knowing more about the biological families of the children and of knowing the children before we adopt them. We are friends with people who run the street kids education initiatives here. I think if we did adopt, the adoptive child would have more opportunity to connect with his/her extended birth family than in a typical adoption, and perhaps that could help alleviate some of the questioning and identity concerns.

Then I fear that from the point of view of the child, we have taken on adopting him/her as an extension of our work life- like he/she was just another activist project. I don't think I could live with myself if I made a child feel that way, and it absolutely isn't the reason I want to have a family but it is true that my feelings of responsibility lead me to adopting rather than having my own. Is that bad? I don't know...

Anyway, I'm just being honest here and trying to explore these feelings. I've discussed this with people at the orphanage and with other adoptive parents, but I've never had any feedback on all this from an adult adoptee. What do you think?

IF we decide to adopt, then my next step would be to read about what it is like to be adopted including all the great recommendations here so that I can see what is in store for us and how I can best help the child with the trauma that you are discussing here. But first I feel like I should decide whether or not adoption is the right choice for us. Are my motivations wrong? Can you offer viewpoints or feedback that will shed new light on all of this?

Thank you so much. This thread has been very informative. Sorry this was so long.

[pallavip99]

Hello, While I know you are looking for an adoptee's response, I thought I would just chime in on some of your points you made. While I agree that in a perfect society if finances were not an issue, most people would not give up their child for adoption. But there are also other factors. When you look at the United States alone, a very strong country who has all these social services in place to help unwed mothers, aid, counseling, and yet we still hear on the news that babies are killed because the parents were just immature to handle the baby. If there are episodes in the United States with aid in place, how will this really help a country like India. A country like India is stuck on culture and beliefs that go back decades. Some are not willing to change even if they are highly educated. If you do get a chance, watch the move - Water. Some beliefs are hard to change. While I think we should still try, please do not let that stop you from adopting and provding a home for a child. That child has basic needs to fulfill, food, water, shelter and clothing. Everything else is secondary. IF those basic needs are taken care of then that child has a chance to survive. So when that child gets older, he or she will realize that although you have provided these things, you cannot help that they were abandoned by their mother. At least they abandoned them in hopes that someone will provide a good home, instead of killing them or torturing them. Back in the days when a couple had a daughter, they would drown her in boiling milk or water. If they at least put them up for adoption, they are getting a second chance. I am all for reform and please keep up the good work, but also consider adopting. You can still focus on both, save a life and helping others. Hope I did not interfere in your thread. Just some food for thought.