[Indiaadoptee]

Yes, parenting is a tough job, I definitely agree.

[account4net]

When kids or parents fall ill, the effort of taking care of children is a humongous task. There are some rewards such as when the babies smile or learn something from you or the children teach you something. With all the effort that goes in to bringing up a child, I want to say (if I could) kudos to the parents that brought you up and definitely kudos to all the people on this forum (and outside) who are looking to adopt.

[dpen6]

Originally Posted by account4net

When kids or parents fall ill, the effort of taking care of children is a humongous task. There are some rewards such as when the babies smile or learn something from you or the children teach you something. With all the effort that goes in to bringing up a child, I want to say (if I could) kudos to the parents that brought you up and definitely kudos to all the people on this forum (and outside) who are looking to adopt.

so what your point? We all know that and don't need to be told. As a mother of 5 I really get it..As a mother the rewards of parenting far outweigh the work of it. I chose to be a parent, as do adoptive parents. Each child should be able to voice thier own issues about their beginnings without being told how hard it was to parent them. ANd i am in the throes of teens.

I say kudo's to all the children that have allowed their parents to parent and have the chance to live the joys and tribualtions of parenting.

[account4net]

As a parent myself, I agree with your comment " kudo's to all the children ..." but I don't need advice on what needs to be posted. I expressed my opinion and I do respect the opinions expressed in this forum.

[dpen6]

When you post how hard it is to parent to an adoptee it seems to me you are telling that adoptee to stop complaining and just understand how hard it is to parent.
Thats not an opinion..its a judgment.

[Indiaadoptee]

dpen6, that's what i thought too. That's why my response was a confused "yes, parenting is difficult" but I was like, huh?

whoever in general thinks that adoptees should stop complaining and just understand how hard it is to be a parent...that is a WHOLE other argument/potential brawl in which if you're up against an adoptee, they are going to win. no doubt about it. but go ahead if you want to open that can of worms.

[account4net]

Last week, my young kids were having viral infection and it was really hard few days. At these times one really becomes appreciative of the job of raising children and the people who are looking forward to doing so.

[dpen6]

Originally Posted by account4net

Last week, my young kids were having viral infection and it was really hard few days. At these times one really becomes appreciative of the job of raising children and the people who are looking forward to doing so.

But we know that. Is is that because we were adopted that we need to understand how hard parenting is? Are we not insightful enough to figure that out? Should we be more grateful and understanding how hard parenting is then biological schildren because look....we could have had no parents? OR do adoptive parents adopt because they want to take on the challenges of parenthood..Because thats what THEY want..to fulfill their need to parent?

I trully beleive that anybody whether adopting or not needs to get out of their brain that adoptive children are lucky to get care , if in fact their are people that adopt with that mindset they should not adopt. Most of the adoptive parents that I have come in contact with are rasing children because they are accepting the challenges and joys that come with it. whether their children are adopted or not. If in fact anyone beleives that an adoptive child should live to a differnt set of standards JUST because they are adopted ...then those peole are not good enough for the child. the child needs unconditional love, no matter how they came into the world. Whether adopted or not.

I am sorry your kids were sick. Its a real bummer when those viral things hit. You take care of them when they are sick, its a labor of love, parenting can be a labor of love....but when we chose to adopt or give birth we are taking on that challenge...its comes with the job.

[account4net]

I think you might might be on to something here. As adopted children should be cared and treated same as bio children (which I agree), it would not be unfair to say that adopted children should care and treat the adoptive parents same as birth parents.

[dpen6]

Originally Posted by account4net

I think you might might be on to something here. As adopted children should be cared and treated same as bio children (which I agree), it would not be unfair to say that adopted children should care and treat the adoptive parents same as birth parents.

A child is put up for adoption for the best interst of the child right? so why would anyone try to pit the child aginist parents? Both sets of parents contribute to the making and raising of a child, the child is a result of both and if thats not respected, if it becomes about how the child feels about the parents and not the best interst of the child then adoption has lost its orginal intent, and the child loses. It is not a competition between the mothers.

Just as a mother can love more then one child a person can love more then one mother.

The reality is that this person was born to another mother, just because this person wants to learn about that mother, maybe(not always) want some sort of relationship with that mother, doesn't take away from the other mother. They may want tol learn about there biology and their biological family in order to learn about themselves. They may want THEIR children to learn about THEIR biology. Its a very natural thing and again its not about one or the other mother its about the person only learning....

AND why do you think that a person would treat bio better? Because you may have an inherent belief that bio is better? Its my beleif for an adopted person to "dump" a n adoptive family for bio is rare...it does happen but its not usual.

[account4net]

A child is abandoned or put in orphanages for various reasons. Many a times the reasons are economic. A child is adopted by people who want to have a family. Now if the adoptive parents treat and care the children as their own why wouldn't the child/children treat it as their own family.

[dpen6]

They are their OWN family...but there is also another family...it is who they are. all emotion aside..its their reality. there are some "children" that didn't have good lives with their adopdtive family, there are some "children" that didn't need to be placed but their mothers were coerced. There are some that were placed with good reason and are very happy but all in all an adopted person reason for searching has nothing to do with what they feel for their aparents or bparents its a search for themselves.

Its not a game on who the adopted person loves best and who they are being loyal or disloyal to.....

I think you need to read aroung the forums to gain alittle more knowledge on the subject...AND some respect for the adult that was adopted.

[account4net]

<I think you need to read aroung the forums to gain alittle more knowledge on the subject...AND some respect for the adult that was adopted.>

I do know and respect adopted people and again need now advice on that. I don't, for a moment look at them different from other non-adopted people. They are not yet adults and I am will know more as they grow.

I would definitely like to know more about, how was the experience and what happened after adopted adults/children met their bparents.


<'there are some "children" that didn't have good lives with their adopdtive family'>

Yes, and there are some children that don't have good lives with their birth family either. This is not unique to adoptive families and this is bad for the children and I don't expect children respecting parents in such cases.

[dpen6]

Very true...so what is your point? I don't mean to be snarky here but are you saying we adoptees are not respectful enough by asking questions? Should we all feel a certian way because parenting is hard? Are we all to niave and stupid to know how to feel about our own situations and parents? Are you fearful of your situaion?

You did ask about what happened after meeting bparents. Every sitution is as differnt as the people invovlved. The emotions run the gamut to anger at bparents, aumatic bonding, no interest...to starting out strong and things closing down.

In many cases that I have read and in my case my feelings for mom and dad did not change..they were not, and could not be replaced by anyone. But bmom does hold a place in my heart as she was a decent person and did the best she could with what she had.

I beleive that what makes alot of adoptees angry is the fact that their are peole that think they can tell us how to "behave" in a certain situation without regard to the adoptees feelings but more about which side of the fence that person is on.

I think it would be a whole lot easier on us if we were confident that we could trust our parents(both sets of them) to come into things with and understanding or an attempt of understanding on the adoptees needs.

Are you an adoptive parent?

[Indiaadoptee]

<At these times one really becomes appreciative of the job of raising children and the people who are looking forward to doing so.>

Anyone with the opinion that adoptees need to feel grateful that their aparents are taking care for them shouldn't adopt. Because they're adopting for the wrong reason. And if they already adopted, they better get rid of that attitude. Unfortunately that attitude is very popular among aparents.

< As adopted children should be cared and treated same as bio children (which I agree), it would not be unfair to say that adopted children should care and treat the adoptive parents same as birth parents.>

Adoptees didn't choose their aparents so it is NOT fair to think they "should" care/treat their aparents the same as birth parents. So much happened in an adoptee's life before they had a say in it, so the last thing they want to hear is their aparent, or any aparent telling them how they should act/treat/behave.


<Now if the adoptive parents treat and care the children as their own why wouldn't the child/children treat it as their own family.>

Again, there's that popular way of thinking among perspective and current adoptive parents. This is why I am against the way adoption is viewed and practiced. People adopt without caring or thinking about the whole other side of adoption, the scary and dark side. And if they do hear about it, it just goes in one ear and out the other.

And then the adoptees are the ones who pay for it.