[babygonz]

We just accepted a referral of a baby girl who is almost 8 months old. We still have alot of paperwork to do. I am thinking that she will be at least one year old or more before we can bring her home (if everything goes smoothly). We do not know if we should change her name or not. What are your opinions? My 2 bio. kids at home have simple american names. Her given name is Mahika. We were thinking of keeping it and calling her "Mika" (mee-ka) for short. Or we could give her a new name and keep Mahika for a middle name. What are your thoughts or experiences on this? My family and friends are divided (I know it's our opinion that counts most). Some love it, some think we should change it. I know I have some time here, but I just don't know what is best. I am thinking that she is probably used to hearing that name by now.

[gkasche]

Congratulations on your referal!! We have adopted three times from India. To change the baby's name or not depends on how much you want to value her Indian heritage. She will be an American citizen...yes...but always have East Indian heritage. To us that was very important. We kept our girls' birth names as their middle names and gave them a new Indian first name that we chose. Their names are different...and beautiful. My family did not understand why we wouldn't just choose an American name that sounded right. I couldn't picture my Indian daughter with a name like Jennifer or Ashley. Just my thoughts.

My girls were 19, 18, and 23 months old when we brought them home. I started to interchange their new name with their birth names on the plane ride home. Long trip and lots of time. By the time we got home...they easily responded to their new name and it really was not an issue at all.

Best Wishes...Karen
Ahma to Sejona Kalashree, Anjali Nanditha, and Maya Indira

[sak9645]

Naming is a very personal choice. There is no one right answer.

First off, though, don't worry. One year olds will recognize a new name within days. I adopted my daughter when she was 18.5 months old. She is from China, and her Chinese name, given by the orphanage, is Zeng Chufang, with Zeng being the last name, and Chu and Fang being her first and middle names. I renamed her Rebecca Joy Chufang K..., or Becca for short. By the time we were home only a week or so, if I asked her what her name was, she would say "Ba-BA" -- her way of saying Becca.

Second, you can keep your child's awareness of her cultural heritage alive in many ways, of which naming is only one. Probably the most common way that parents use a child's birth name is by making it a middle name, either without any other middle name or with another one of their choosing. Again, I kept Chufang as one of Becca's middle names.

It is fine to use a foreign name as a first name, but some names may look or sound like cuss words in the U.S. (e.g., the Vietnamese Phuc), may be hard for other people to pronounce, may have a cultural context that doesn't work (e.g., Jesus for a Guatemalan boy adopted into a Jewish family), etc. As a result, there are people who change first names simply to make life easier for the child.

Some families choose a DIFFERENT name from the child's birth culture, if they don't like the one that was given for some reason. As an example, there are still some Chinese orphanages that give names to abandoned children that are either negative or that make it clear a child is an orphan -- e.g., smelly duckweed, or child of the state. Parents have the option of finding a different Chinese name that carries a nicer meaning. They just need to do it correctly, finding a Chinese person who will pick two names that go well together and have a pleasant or "lucky" meaning.

Of course, some parents don't use the foreign name as part of the American one, but teach the child about it as they teach the child about other aspects of his/her birth heritage. The child will always have the option of choosing to use his/her birth name or orphanage name later on, either as a temporary nickname or, when he/she reaches adulthood, through a legal name change.

Third, remember that, besides keeping your child's birth culture alive, you must also link your child forever to your family, just as you would a biological child. Many families have naming traditions that go back for generations, and it would be wrong to deny your child participation in that tradition.

As an example, I am Jewish and of Eastern European origin. In Eastern European Jewish tradition, children are named after deceased relatives. Whether I had given birth to Becca, or whether I had adopted her, I would have followed this tradition, and given her at least one name that linked her to my family's history.

I named my daughter Rebecca to honor my deceased maternal grandmother, a beautiful immigrant who managed to raise eight children to productive lives. My mother loved her mother very much, and always wanted me to honor Grandma Rebecca this way. Grandma Rebecca was known as Becky to her friends, but I chose to give my daughter her own nickname, choosing Becca instead. I chose the name Joy to honor my deceased maternal grandfather, Joseph, and my own late father, Jack.

I also gave my daughter a Hebrew name, which is Rivka Gilat. Rivka is the Hebrew way of saying Rebecca. Gilat is one way of saying Joy, and it also sounds a bit like Goldie, the name of my late mother.

Many non-Jews have naming traditions, too. For example, they may give a son the name of his father, or they may always give one girl in a family the name of Elizabeth.

So if you choose to follow a family tradition by giving a name with special family meaning to your child, you are also on solid ground.

In short, do what is best for you, and what works with your family tradition. Yes, by all means, keep some part of the foreign name, if you wish. But don't feel guilty if you make a family name the first name, or if you don't feel comfortable using the foreign name at all, because it is hard to pronounce or has a negative meaning.

Sharon

[Jo~Kiwi~]

We're in the final stages of adoptiong a 5 and half year boy from India (just waiting on guardianship and a travel date now). We plan to keep his Indian name as his middle name, and give him a first name of our choosing, and then a 2nd middle name that is a family name. I want him to have his "own" name, as well as his Indian name, as well as something that ties him to our family. Of course, should he want to use his Indian name as his first name, then thats completely fine too ...It will be his choice.

Congratulations on your referral!! Where in India is your little one? Our little guy in in Delhi.

Talk to you soon,
Jo

[babygonz]

She is in Mumbai.