[MamaMarie]

My husband and I are in the first stages of adopting two children. We are looking for children up to age 3.5. We are looking for one boy and one girl, and we are open to a sibling group.
Because the children will already be older (not infants) Can I still change their names? Is that in poor taste? It is definately my preferance. However, I don't want to be seen as callace and insensitive. I have two other children - ages 4 and 5, and I think it would be nice to have them help pick out their new brother and sister's names. (I want to keep them as involved as possible)
I would love to be able to give my new children "american" names.
Thanks!!

[foxl]

We kept all three of our kids' names. Iam hearing much these days about adult adoptees resenting having their name changed as they grow older.

To illustrate: a college student at our daycare decided to change his name and go by his middle name. My daughter, then 4.5 did not like this, and she had this to say:
"WELL, I am not changing MY name! I AM Tuhina!"

She might decide to go by her middle name, herself, later, but that will be her choice.

[Colorbind love]

I don't think there is one right or wrong answer to this question. But, I would caution to think about many factors before changing a child's name, including where it came from, what the child's opinion of the change is as well as how it will be percieved here in the US.

In our case, we did not change either of our sons' names. We did slightly change the spelling of Ch's name. The sound wasn't one that English speakers can say and the mispronunciation led to a very unflattering meaning in the original language. So, we changed a 'th' to a 't' to come to the closest sound that is similiar to what it was supposed to be.

For the most part, I'm not in favor of changing a child's given name without that child's desire for change. However, we've given our children middle names and changed their last names to reflect their family ties.

[MamaMarie]

I am concerned how the name would be percieved here in the US, that is why I am considering changing the names. I don't want the kids to feel like they sick out in a world of Megans and Kates.

One option I wwas thinking of was making their given name their middle name and giving them new first names as well as our last name.

[Jensboys]

You know, there is nothing wrong with sticking out in a world of Megans and Kates And really, your child WILL stick out anyways -- the reality is they will be a different "color" than all those Megan and Kates and have a significantly different past history than those same kids.

Yes, there are parts of that that will be hard for them, but there are also parts of that which will mold them in wonderful ways.

I can understand your reasons for wanting to change, but remember, the underlying issues never will - name change or not. Your child will be of Indian Heritage, be Indian in looks and appearance and will be perceived as Indian when she interacts with the world outside of your protection.

Jen

[kretzklan]

I'll pipe in as one who did change the children's names - we adopted a 6 and 7 year old. For us there were issues to our decision:

1. These children are now part of our family - forever and ever...for us, naming a child is a blessing and part of the process of adding to a family.
2. We also felt that sharing an adoption story should not be mandatory each time you introduce yourself...it should be their choice (our children are caucasian which makes a bit of a difference)

It is a very personal decision - we showed it to our children as a positive change - from the first day they loved their new "American" names and still tell us how happy they are because they started over...I think it's all in how you present it!

[foxl]

Colorblind, I thought it was funny you mention the T/Th thing, as Tuhina SHOULD, in Sanskritic languages be pronounced as the "d" in Nada ... sort of between D and Th ... we will never force that on anyone so let them say it a as a "hard" T.

But like the girl says, she IS Tuhina, and Tuhina she stays ... for now.

[spaypets]

My daughter was 18 months when she finally came home (she was 10 months at referral) and yes, we changed her name, although we tell her what her Indian name was all the time. She adjusted to the name change, surprisingly well. I should note we'd asked the orphanage to start using her new name, although I have no idea if they did.

But if she'd been much older, I would have hesitated more --even though we didn't care for her Indian name.

There are plenty of Indian names that are familar to American ears -- Sarita, Gita, Sarina, Laxmi (anyone who listens to public radio, will recognize that name).

[foxl]

Laxmi Singh, of course!

Manika/Monica, Sara, Anoushka, Anita, Ananda, Amrita, Rita ... that's just it -- even though Tuhina is not a familiar name, the cadence is familiar -- people hesitate about pronouncing it but invariably get it right!

But I have heard enough western names, in India, too ... the other thing is, most Indian adoptions are abandonments, ie, the birthmother has anonymously given up the child so there is no link to the birthmother or family in the name ... though in T's case our orphanage director thinks there was as family members took her to a hospital.

[Colorbind love]

In our case, the birthparents DID name our son (both of them actually but this discussion is about Indian adoptions). In fact, our Indian son was raised by his birthfather until the month before he turned 3. We may never know if his birthmother had anything to do with naming him, as she died when he was 2 days of age (his doctors suspect she likely had a mild variation of the same medical condition he has since its inherited from mother to son). But, we know not only did his birthfather name him, raise him for nearly 3 years. But, he was devestated to relinquish this child. The ONLY reason he relinquished this little boy for adoption was because it was truly a matter of life or death for this child.

I was not taking that away from this child, no matter how strange nor difficult the name might have been. I took that stance for both of our sons. They were both named by birthfamilies who raised them for the first years of their lives. And, they both came home at older ages.

As it turns out, while both names are obviously not American, they are not difficult to pronounce, at least not moreso than my own name which is Dutch in origin. And, I get all kinds of compliments for the boys names. I just smile and tell people that I can't take credit for their names, even if they are really amazing names.

Heck my own brother was born in West Virginia and because my father is second generation Dutch got saddled with the name Lamburtus as a middle name. Few names my children could come home with could be much worse than their own uncle's middle name!

[Terry22]

Hello All!

Here is what I did for my children's names and the experience with my daughter's name. Daughter was named by her birth mother so I felt strongly about keeping that little bit she had of her birth family. Then I added to it a family name from my father's family and an Indian name that incorporated my mother's middle name. I also looked at the meaning of the names. In her daycare there have been children named, Chance, Planet, Summer, and Shylo to name just a few. In three years of daycare there has only been one child with a so-called American or normal name.

With my son, he was named by childcare center staff. However, he is 6 and his Indian name is a version of the American name I had planned to give him anyway. As with my daughter, I gave him a family name as well, and then my daughter and I chose a third name for him.

I feel that by retaining the children's Indian names I am keeping for them a part of their heritage. By adding family names I hope to give them a sense that they are indeed very members of my family. I also hope that by giving them both three names that this will give them enough choices of how to call themselves when they are grown should they choose not to use their Indian names.

All the best,

Terry in OR Mama to
Gouri (BSSK) 4 yrs old
Jai (Asharan) 6 yrs old home in a few weeks!!!

[Mindy82]

Mamamaria, can I suggest that you wait until you actually see your children and hear their names before deciding you want to change them right away? You may be surprised, and they may be beautiful, tradional indian names