[Allisen]

We have an adopted daughter from India that is currently 21 months old. We might have the opportunity to adopt another little girl from the same orphanage that's only 3 months younger. By the time the adoption is final both girls will be a little over two years old.

Has anybody had the experience of adopting two chiildren separately that were very close in age? We're concerned for our older daughter and how she would adapt. Also, our daughter was only a year old when we got her and hasn't had any developmental delays or attachment issues. We're concerned that a child that's been in the orphange for 2 years might have developmental/attachment issues. She also had severe health problems that are now resolved.

Any feedback would be really appreciated.

Thank you,

Allisen Patel,
Mother to Karina, 21 months

[ModernMother]

We just returned home three weeks ago with our daughter. She is 10 months older than my bio son. It's a touch and go situation right now. Rani is really trying to attach to me right now and is expressing needs to be held and rocked a lot. My baby is feeling threatened and is reacting with HUGE meltdown tantrums! When they are both happy they are into EVERYTHING. Keeping up with housework right now is so difficult. And the SW is coming next week for our first Post Placement visit! YIKES!

BUT despite all the problems I'm so glad we did it. I know that with plenty of love and reassurance my son will be OK and I am definately doing plenty of attaching with my new daughter. They are both toddlers right now and I'm letting myself dream of the day they won't make messes every second of the day. ;-)

I'd say go for it! Your daughters will be best friends!

[jim123e]

procede with caution. It is called "twining". Many agencies will not place a child within +/- 12 months for many reasons.

I agree that the child must develop on their own and not be constantly compared with a sibling the same age.

Child # 2 must know she has a special place in the family and it is ok to be behind or advanced because they are younger or older.

It will become even harder for them once they reach school age and are in the same grade.

Ask some social workers and your agency on how they feel abotu this.

Jim

[ll_bay]

I'm with Jim on this. Neither our SW nor or agency would let us do this even if we wanted to. And even if they did allow it, there's a good chance that CARA or the court in India would not see it favorably (with the courts, though, it depends on the city/region). So, our third child from India will be at least a year younger than our present youngest (she's 4 1/2), even if that means waiting a little longer for our referral.

[mfrench]

I also say "go for it". Ally (our daughter whom just joined our family in June from Delhi) is approximately 4 months older than our bio son, Kyle. Ally will turn five in October and Kyle will be five in February. Both children are very advanced for their age. In fact, I think being in an orphanage actually forces them to grow up sooner.

Maybe being of different sexes plays a role in their adjustment, but we see them getting closer and closer each day. They are becoming best friends before our eyes.

ViJay, the orphanage director, cautioned us on only one thing and that was to make sure that we didn't give Ally so much attention that Kyle felt let out. My husband and I both worked very hard to split our time, affection and attention equally between both children. It seemed to have worked as they are both doing fabulously.

Melanie

[jim123e]

We adopted d#2 at age 3. She came home and became sister to D#1 age 18months at the time. D#2 appeared to be very mature for her age, but upon placement she regressed back to the baby stage for several months. This is normal, and we had two 18 month old children for a while- you know diapers, doing everything for the kids etc. This would be very difficult for the parrents to deal with if they were the same age. "Why is #2 in diapers? Why can't you be like #1?"

In our case, we feel #2 never got to be a baby in the orphanage, never had the one on one care that we provided and wanted to relive it. It was frustrating because it seems that it is never going to end, but there was so many new things in her life that she did not know how to deal with it.

I would worry about when they are in school and the same age and one child is not as advanced as the other. How will they react, will they stop trying to compete or strive even harder? How will you deal with this?

Talk to some professionals about this.

[Allisen]

Thank you so much everyone for your respones. After careful consideration I think we are not going to pursure adopting the child that is almost the same age as our daughter. We do not think our daughter would be happy with it and we know the little girl up for adoption will have people standing in line to take her. She has been well cared for. Again, we really appreciate your feedback.

Allisen