[trinitysmom]

How in the world do you politely tell your co-worker, whom you are very close to, to put a sock in it? She has been going on and on and on about Elijah's 1ST bday and Moms day. As I indicated we are close she know my feelings and the situation of my adoption. She helps me sort through a lot of things concerning this issue. However, she has been going on this scince the begining of May. I can't take anymore. I have told her I feel uncomfortable and please keep it to a dull roar. No can do, everybody has to know what she's getting for moms day. I admit this sounds jelous and harsh. My problem is when I told her there was a bmom day she thought I was making it up to make myself even with her, or be have a 'special' day of my own. Does any one have a clue on how to shut this topic up nicely or do I just ride it through? I 'm glad and happy she wants me to share in the joy, that's fine but enough is enough. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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[Sharon]

Trinity's mom I haven't read any of your other posts, so I don't know your situation. Are you a birthmom? If so, what I would do if you really, really just want your co-worker to shut up (and not to hurt her feelings) is say very politely, "I can see that you're looking forward to Mother's Day, and that you're really excited about it. The thing is, I placed my child for adoption, and so Mother's Day is kind of a painful issue for me right now. Do you mind if we talk about something else?" If this doesn't shut her up, try a muzzle. I wish you the best of luck, and I also wish you a VERY Happy Birthmom's Day! Sincerely, Sharon

[trinitysmom]

Yes, I am a bmom. I have talked at lenght with her on how it could be sad for me, and she thought I was crazy when I was a wreck on Trin's bday. I guess there are just some people who just don't realize 1: adpption is good/bad, 2: It's nothing but sacrifce on both ends, & 3: difficult to relay to an "outsider".
She basilcally thought scince I chose to have Trin adopted, I had to suffer in silence. I explained that I was violently thrown into being a mom. Then I just had nothing but love for my daughter. Love doesn't pay rent or food. I loved her so much I let her become part of a fantastic family. She still says I must suffer in peace. So now I am to the point to where I don't want to share 'personal' business with her anymore.
Thanks for your suggestion, and I hope this post shed some light my situation.

I think I might try the muzzle any way just to get some peace!!!!

[MomTo1]

(((Trinity))))

Avoid this co-worker and distance yourself from her. She has no respect for your feelings. Even when you told her how sad the day will be for you and why, she still show's no support.

You write....and she thought I was crazy when I was a wreck on Trin's bday.

Trinity....Any normal human being would be a wreck on their child's birthday, especially if they could not see the child. What you are feeling is normal. It is good to let these feelings out of you and validate them. Of course you miss your child. How can you not? To not show any emotion is cold hearted. You gave birth to a baby. The loss of that baby is painful and yes you are grieving. How dare anyone try to devalue your grief

you write...."I guess there are just some people who just don't realize 1: adpption is good/bad,"

You are right. Alot of people do not realize adoption is bittersweet (good/bad). For those of us involved in it, we know. Where there is joy, there is pain in adoption. I'm sorry but one person's joy doesn't take away another person's sadness. I am adoptive mother, but I will always carrying around in me the bitterness of knowing my child came to me, with another woman being in pain. This is her child. It hurts her not to raise her child. This is my child. It hurts me to know that the one who gave her life is in pain. Adoption is bittersweet. For us adoptive mom's with big hearts. We never forget about the birthmom and it is good/bad.


2: It's nothing but sacrifce on both ends,

Amen....it is the biggest scarifice a woman can make is to place her child.

& 3: difficult to relay to an "outsider".

Absolutely right. Even family members are outsiders to the adoption world. My family can not understand my strong feelings for the birthmother of my daughter. I can feel her pain. I know she is hurting. I want to make things as better for her as I can. I care about her. No one, in the outside world understands. We can not seek comfort from the outsiders. Only here, with people who know what we are going through, can we really find support.


In closing, I want to say I am sorry you are in pain and that your coworker is being such a jerk about not listening. You have every right to feel the way you do and do NOT let anyone tell you differently. Good luck to you! I'll be thinking of you!

Hugs to you! Bye

[trinitysmom]

Hi All,
Well I did survive Moms Day. I have scars but that was to be expected. My co-worker and I had a little chat . She told me she was sorry but had no idea on how to help me so she did her self defense mode and danced around the subject. Shanna did do something really great. The Monday after Moms Day I had flowers and a beanie dolphin( I'm obsessed with dolphins.) on my desk. She gave them to me for Moms Day and then took me out to lunch. I don't know if she was feeling guilty or what, but it was a nice gift.

A~

[MomTo1]

A....

I agree, she probably didn't know how to deal with it and after some thought, realized she probably did not handle it the best way. I think the gift is her attempt to tell you I'm sorry and forgive me. She even made it personal by finding a dolphin, something you like.

Sometimes, especially around Mothers Day, not everyone knows what to say or what to do.

She sounds like a nice lady to me. Let's see if she handle's next year any better :)))) Bye