[jdox0776]

I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant. I had no way of taking care of her and after a coerced trip to a clinic I decided adoption was the only option. I met with several couples but it didn't feel right. While at the grocery store I came across a handwritten note in crayon obviously written by a child so I called out of sheer curiosity.

Turns out their daughter had written it several years prior in the hopes of finding a prospective child. Upon meeting we instantly clicked and took it from there. The adoptive mother was so wonderful, she bought me what I needed during the remainder of my pregnancy and took me to my appts.

We got a little closer than we planned, she became a mother to me. A few days after the adoption my hormones had me in an emotional tailspin and she came to see me. We stayed in touch even though sometimes years passed before I called again, I feared it would make them nervous.

She and I shared so much, she lost a baby to SIDS and could no longer bear children due to hysterectomy, then 3 years after the adoption I lost a baby to SIDS. She made arrangements with the funeral home to buy her a dress to be buried in and showed up the day of the funeral. I don't know how I would have made it thru without her.

My daughter is now 15 and her adoptive mom and I have been talking. Her new psychiatrist thinks it is time to tell her and I am terrified! How will she react. They think it is time for her to know and that she has a full sister and 4 brothers. My daughter with me is 13 and has known about the adoption for some time. You would not believe how much they look alike.

In some ways I can't help but feel "unworthy", her adoptive parents have money and have had the opportunity to give her everything, pplus the expenses I never would have had for her medical treatment/therapy. She has Aspergers and OCD and gets every kind of therapy under the sun. I am so glad for that.

I hope she doesn't look down on me because we don't have much, for the moment we have a nice place but not for long because we can no longer afford it. I do know she has been taught not to judge but I have been judged so many times and can't help but worry. I know it sounds stupid but this is such a big deal for me.

[jdox0776]

I realize that not everyone has the same experience as I have read. We have had our ups and downs and some things really upset me, so it was not perfect by a long shot. But overall I have had good experience but still felt at times that things didn't go as agreed upon, I felt out of the loop so to speak. Luckily it was things that were overcome.

[kakuehl]

My dear, I understand your fear, and there are certainly no guarantees, but the fact that her psychologist thinks it's time is significant. Does she know she's adopted? Does she already know you, without knowing who you are? You can only take it one step at a time and one day at a time. You seem to really trust your daughter's amom. Take a big breath and go for it!

[jdox0776]

I trust her mom with my life, it was just that her husband got nervous at times. She does not know she is adopted. I have talked to her several times but all she knew was that I was her moms friend. I have not seen her since the day she was born but have seen pictures over the years.