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  #1  
Old 12-04-2012, 07:38 PM
JackieHB JackieHB is offline
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Shock of my life

My name is Jackie and I'm 18 years old and have accidently found out I'm adopted. I'm currently in my senior year and one day I went to the filing cabinet to get tax records to apply for financial aid. Instead, I found a file with my name on it, chockful of records with my name on it. I also found out that I may have a sister. As I looked through records I found a photo, Mia and Jackie, 1994 with a woman holding me, us. I'm presuming that I am adopted and have a twin somewhere. I don't know any other info, no mother, father or orginal last name. Just Jacqueline Hannah and a supposed sister, Mia. I'm scared to confront my parents, and I want to search a little on my own before confronting them. What should I do?
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  #2  
Old 12-04-2012, 09:26 PM
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I think the best thing is to confront your parents. If you are scared maybe leave a note when you are out or at school or something. Good luck.
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  #3  
Old 12-05-2012, 12:46 PM
Kat-L Kat-L is offline
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Can you say "I always felt like I should have a sister my age. Like a twin. Did I ever? " See what they say? If they are angry, just say "I meant, like, when you were pregnant, maybe you lost a twin and I survived".
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Old 12-05-2012, 01:08 PM
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feelingreyt feelingreyt is offline
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First of all (((HUGS))). I am so sorry you found out this way!


I think you should be honest with your parents and tell them what you found. I agree that if you're scared you could write a note and retreat to your room, school, or somewhere for a little while.

Whatever you decide, good luck!
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  #5  
Old 12-06-2012, 06:18 PM
JackieHB JackieHB is offline
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I went and left a note like y'all advised then went to a sleepover. They weren't very happy with me at all. My mom blew up but it turns out its true. Little did I know that my birthmother kept one and gave me up. I feel som resentment, I mean who wouldn't? But I found out my orginal last name. I want to find my sister, mom I could deal without. Anybody got some suggestions of where to start looking?
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Old 12-06-2012, 08:42 PM
lovestoread lovestoread is offline
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"They weren't very happy" with you and your amom "blew up"?! Good grief, you did nothing wrong. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I can't imagine how crazy that must be. Praying you find peace in the storm...
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Old 12-07-2012, 02:02 AM
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Sitta Sitta is offline
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How about the birth records dept in the place you were born?
If they lived in the area you can also try school yearbook pictures.
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  #8  
Old 12-07-2012, 06:24 AM
Dickons Dickons is offline
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Wow - so incredibly sorry that you had to find out that way AND that YOU the child had to be the one being HONEST.

I hope you kept the file or the file is still there as it may provide info that is helpful.

I would suggest that you take a bit of time to let your feelings normalize about this - if at all possible - not only how you feel about being adopted but any other emotions you have as well. Is your dad more of a laid back individual that you can talk to so you can find out your story? To adjust to this new information and any feelings you have? Is that possible? If not, anyone else?

Kind regards,
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  #9  
Old 12-10-2012, 03:56 AM
murphymalone murphymalone is offline
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Keep in mind the adults in the situation are supposed to act like adults; but when a lie comes forward they are freaking out because of their deception.

It has nothing to do with you needing to no more now that the secret is out.

I will never understand why people think it's okay to hide this information. It should be illegal. Just because you happened upon information that affects you doesn't give your parents the right to blame you.

They made the decision to keep the information from you.
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  #10  
Old 12-10-2012, 06:03 PM
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PADJ PADJ is offline
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Sorry...I'm a late comer to this thread. I just happened on it and I have to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that they chose to withhold that personal information from you, and I'm sorry that you had to find out in that way. I just don't get how people think sometimes...and then sometimes I wonder if some think at all. Yikes...

I would do whatever I could to get ahold of that file or at least to make copies of any and all information that pertains to your adoption. Depending on whether things have settled down with your a-family or not, that may be your first, best and possibly only source of reliable information.

And FWIW, as I was reading the original post and then the suggestion was made to leave a note about it, there was a part of me that went "ooooh, noooo!" To me, the question of whether you were adopted is one of those things that's just too big to put in a note and hope to get back to later. I'm not defending your a-mom's meltdown or how they handled this information in keeping it from you, but I do wonder if her explosion was in part due to how the truth came out?

As a parent, I know that my now grown kids are going to spring some things on me from time to time that I'm just not going to like. Period. Personally, I'd rather hear it directly from them though than via a note or some other means where I can read...stew...re-read...stew some more... I still won't like it, but I'd rather hear it that way. Just my .02. I hope things improve with your a-family and that you can search for your b-family if you decide you would like to go that route.

Best,
PADJ
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  #11  
Old 12-30-2012, 08:49 AM
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mymotherssacrifice mymotherssacrifice is offline
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Wow, how crazy and so much to have to take in. As a mother of twins I cannot imagine keeping one and giving up the other. I do hope your parents are being more supportive then it sounds like they initially were. I was also lied to about being adopted and don't understand what compels people to do it. As a parents, I know I am mom, whether or not my children were biologically mine I am their mom, just as my adoptive mom was, the person that takes care of a child is the parent. I just wanted to offer my story, you're not alone and sadly this lying to adoptees is more common than you would think. I hope you are able to find peace and your family members. The first thing to check is whether or not your state is an open adoption state that makes it a lot easier. However, with social networking, I think it is virtually impossible to hide from anyone. Good luck finding your family and here is a link to my story if you are interested.

My family reacted horrible, and still to this day act like they are the victim for me finding out and wanting to know the truth. It doesn't make sense to me, and sadly I no longer have contact with my adoptive family because they wanted to continue to live the lie even though I know the truth.

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  #12  
Old 04-29-2013, 03:38 PM
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Hi I'm new to this forum and just read your thread. I think the reaction from your parents was a bit extreme if not out of order. At the end of the day you should have been told about your adoption and if they had decided never to tell you then they should have ensured the adoption info was totally out of your reach ie locked away. Your initial reactions to your birth mother having given you up for adoption although are not wrong are an emotion filled one including probably some of the negative attitude from your adopted parents. The shoe could have been on the other foot and it could have been your sister given up. There may have been an impossible choice to make and unfortunately it ended up that one you had to be adopted. It's been 5 or so months since you posted your thread I hope you have found out the information that you wanted and that has helped explain the answers to your questions.
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  #13  
Old 05-10-2013, 12:02 PM
ian.o ian.o is offline
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Hi Jackie , my name is Ian.o and I know what you must be going through is not easy and very hard to take in right now. I also found out about myself being adopted much later in life than you did. I was born here in los angeles and was taken to England when I was 8 years old. I was one of 3 kids , but I was the only one who was adopted. The fact of myself being adopted was always kept from me. Although I always half suspected that I somehow did not fit it with the rest of the family in my personality and out look on life.
It was not until I was almost 30 years old that I decided to leave home for a life of my own as my adoptive mother was very much a control freak. She would even open and read my personal mail !!!!!, they thought that I should remain at home my whole life to look after them until they were dead.
So the day that I decided to leave home I had made all my arrangements, and as I was walking out of the front door with the last of my belongings. My mother turned round to me and said " If you are leaving you might as well know that you were " ADOPTED ". And that is how I found out. I later discovered that my bio mother had passed away just three years before me finding my bio brother in la harbra in 2006.
I look at it this way , my Bio mother must of had a very hard choice to make when having to give me up. We all have to make hard choices in life , and we have to live with the results of those choices. I don't blame her or resent her in anyway as I really don't know why she had to make that decission . I would of really liked to of had the chance to meet her, and know her, but now I just pray that she is resting in peace knowing that I have found my bio father here in cali.

I hope that you will find this helpful and I encourage you to look to the future and not dwell on the past. If you have a first and last name of bio family members you might try zaba serch .com.
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