[swampmom]

I am 35yrs old and found out I am adopted at 30yrs old. Apparently I was never to know. Backstory....I was seperated and going through post pardum depression. My ex had already taken my step-son (who called me mom) away from me and decided he wanted custody of our baby too(9mnths old). I called my "mom" and asked her for help. She told me she would not go to court to speak against my ex or his family about what she had witnessed. I said, "Mom, I really need you to be a mom for a change." (i was raised mostly by grandparents/father). She proceeded to tell me that she wasnt my mom anyway. I WAS SHOCKED!!!! I asked what she was talking about. Needless to say, after speaking to my dad and my grandmother, it was confirmed that I am adopted. My birthmother is actually my "aunt". She is my adopted mother's sister. I am still battling bad emotions because of this and have actually been alienated by my family due to my behavior after learning all of this. My problem doesnt lie in the being adopted...it is about all the secrets kept from me and the lies told me growing up. I cant get a straight answer out of anyone.

[lovemy2boys]

Swampmom, I am so sorry to hear you found out this way. I learned a few months ago that my father is not biologically related to me (I'm 39). I wasn't supposed to learn of it either (and it's not something I ever "felt" growing up so I really had no clue until something happened about 10 years ago that slowly started the ball rolling).

I wish my parents wouldn't have kept it a secret either because it caused so much emotional damage to them; all that wasted energy trying to hide something...soo, soo foolish (though admittedly, I think I'm handling it better now than I would have had I known as a child/teen/etc, but that's a different story).

I hope your family comes around and supports you during this time. This is something that happened TO you, and shouldn't be made out as something that happened BECAUSE of you.

Take care, and stick around. You'll get some great support here.

[Drywall]

Smom, It's easy to see how you feel.

Now that you have the info, mixed with grief, loss and despair, the next feeling can't help but be, where do I go from here.

My a-parents adopted me thru the black market. Yet my a-dad intended never to share any portions of my adoption story.

Had it not been for his 2nd wife, I would never have known, but a lingering uneasyness would always have been present.

My adoption story was shared at age 7, but it was not a good story, nor was it complete. I was left to put the pieces together AFTER, i found them. My a-dad never mentioned any of the story. It was as tho it had never happened.

There is no doubt this has been a devastating experience, but in time there will be healing, and the details will be less overwhelming.

The adoption road is never easy, and the consequences are life long.

I have searched 55+ years and only found pieces related to hearsay...it is as tho the adoption occurred, ended and it was only an illusion. There is no hard evidence that it was anything more than a transaction.

I wish you the best.

[swampmom]

Thank you so much for the support and telling me your stories. It has made me feel better knowing others know how I feel. I am not getting very much support from family. They think I am over reacting to all of this.

[mrfizwiz]

I am a 50 plus years looking for info also and find that it is very hard to find anything that had to do with a not so legal adoption. Sometimes I feel all alone, no relatives, excluding my children.

Originally Posted by Drywall

Smom, It's easy to see how you feel.

Now that you have the info, mixed with grief, loss and despair, the next feeling can't help but be, where do I go from here.

My a-parents adopted me thru the black market. Yet my a-dad intended never to share any portions of my adoption story.

Had it not been for his 2nd wife, I would never have known, but a lingering uneasyness would always have been present.

My adoption story was shared at age 7, but it was not a good story, nor was it complete. I was left to put the pieces together AFTER, i found them. My a-dad never mentioned any of the story. It was as tho it had never happened.

There is no doubt this has been a devastating experience, but in time there will be healing, and the details will be less overwhelming.

The adoption road is never easy, and the consequences are life long.

I have searched 55+ years and only found pieces related to hearsay...it is as tho the adoption occurred, ended and it was only an illusion. There is no hard evidence that it was anything more than a transaction.

I wish you the best.

[Susa]

That was a very mean thing to do, instead of stepping up to the plate, your adoptive mom chicken out when she is needed the most. She needs a good kick in her teeth for doing that to you..

My advice to you is not spend your life being angry at what was and still is completely out of your control. The sad thing is, you may not never get the answers you seek.....we never do. You have to find peace not knowing.

Heal well sister.