[sarastacey]

I was adopted when I was born and it was a closed adoption so I never new anything about my birth family. When I was ten years old my adopted mother committed suicide and I had to grow up without a mom. I have always wanted to find my birth mother but I have had so many fears about whether or not she would want anything to do with me, and I was busy starting my own family. About two weeks before my 24th birthday I sent in all of the required paperwork to the State Department of Health. The day after my birthday I recieve consenting and nonconsenting information back. There it was in black and white, her name, phone number and address. For the majority of my life she lived twenty minutes away from me. I called the phone number that was provided and it had been disconnected. I ran a search on her and could not find a listed phone number, but I did find a list of relatives so I did a search on them. There was only one that had a listed phone number. He informed me that he was her husbands cousin, and that she had passed away due to cancer in 2004. I know what her husbands name is, I even know what city he lives in. I paid to find his listed phone number and have called several times but I keep getting the answering machine. I don't feel comfortable with leaving a message. I eventually found that she had started searching for me since my 18th birthday, I found her search right here on adoption.com. But I found it too late. I got her information too late. I lost a mother I barely knew, and a mother that I never knew. I wish that I knew what she looked like, what kind of a person she was. I don't know what to do now.

[LMNGambino]

I am so so sorry, for both of your losses.

I think you should call and leave a message for him to call you. You dont have to tell your story on the answering machine. If you have his address, you could write him if that would be easier. I feel just awful for you....

[Mil]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My suggestion would be to continue to try contacting him. Leave a message or write a letter. He might be very willing to talk to you about your mother and perhaps even share some pictures with you. Good luck!

[SoniaRose]

Likewise, I am so very sorry for your double loss.

I also recommend that you contact your bmom's husband through either a letter or phone call. If he is not as responsive as you would like, I would think that you can find other family members of your bmom who can provide you stories and pictures and maybe even videos.

Please try not to feel guilty that you didn't search for her earlier. At age 24, you actually searched earlier than many of us. I too waited to sign up for an adoption registry because I was busy getting married and having kids; in my case I was in my early 30's. (I eventually learned that my bmom died when I was still a child.)

I don't know your religious/spiritual leanings, but my belief system tells me that my bmom is with me in spirit; she is at my side guiding me through life. However, I know it still hurts to have never known her in person. No rationalization will take away the pain you feel. It is so sad that you have lost both your moms.

Your bmom has already shown you her loving nature by registering to find you. Hopefully you will find some relatives from her side who will be happy to know you and tell you all about your bmom.
Take care.