[suzz]

Hi, I haven't been here for awhile, a lot of things have happened and I'm very confused. Just recent I was told that I was adopted. I'm 54, what a surprise. Well, as the story was told was my adopted Dad's niece was raped by her step father. She came to live with my family and had me. So since the family knew the doctor they decided to just change my birth certificate. It wasn't a legal adoption.
This was a family secret that everybody knew except me. It was hard to understand but after thinking it made perfect sense why I always felt like I was always watching from the outside. So I decided to contact my birthmom who is 70 and ask her if this was true. She denied it and refuses to talk to me. What do I do now? All the family I thought I had, I don't. Its like I have been living a lie all my life. I don't know whats true anymore. Does anyone have any advice on this? PS
I did find my son. He is perfect.
Suzz

[hopeful-4-twins]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I personally dont have any experience in this. I did want to tell you though, you said that you dont have family now, what about the family that raised you? Yes it may have been an illegal adoption but they did raise and love you. Im sorry your biological mother doesnt want to see you. Hopefully she will change her mind.

[suzz]

My A Mom and Dad died and I was never very close to my five siblings. Really I was abused and neglected by them. I didn't fit in.

[RavenSong]

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I just wanted to send a big hug your way.

I am so sorry you were lied to your entire life. That must hurt really bad. And I'm so sad that you come from a history of childhood abuse in your family. I know how hard that is for a kid...I endured a lot of abuse in my own childhood.

I don't know what to say about resolving this with your birthmom. It sounds like she shut down everything emotionally a long time ago. Living with this kind of secret for 54 years must be difficult. I wonder if she just pretends to herself that it never really happened. I know that a lot of teenage girls who are molested by their fathers or stepfathers are overwhelmed with guilt. They often think it is their fault. I wonder if that's how your birthmother felt...

[suzz]

Thank you, I just needed some kind words.

[dpen6]

Originally Posted by hopeful-4-twins

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I personally dont have any experience in this. I did want to tell you though, you said that you dont have family now, what about the family that raised you? Yes it may have been an illegal adoption but they did raise and love you. Im sorry your biological mother doesnt want to see you. Hopefully she will change her mind.

It really doesn't mattter how much a person is loved while growing up, if you are lied to about something as fundemental as to who you are it must hurt big time to realize how much what you needs to know doesn't matterto anyone else. Its a HUGE, sometimes unable to be fixed betrayal. Then to find out everyone else in the world knows about who you REALLY are is humilating.

[Jackiejdajda]

suzz

Just recent I was told that I was adopted. I'm 54, what a surprise. Well, as the story was told was my adopted Dad's niece was raped by her step father. She came to live with my family and had me. So since the family knew the doctor they decided to just change my birth certificate. It wasn't a legal adoption.

Someone does something wrong and so many other situations follow..
No one stops and says.. there are going to be consequences here.. and you are the one holding the consequences.. I am so sorry..

This was a family secret that everybody knew except me. It was hard to understand but after thinking it made perfect sense why I always felt like I was always watching from the outside. So I decided to contact my birthmom who is 70 and ask her if this was true. She denied it and refuses to talk to me. What do I do now?

Maybe she may changed.. maybe she may decide to actually face what happened.. Seventy is not that old..
Or.. does she have a medical condition.. That may be something to explore..

Also I would seek therapy if you can afford it.. Something like this is big..

All the family I thought I had, I don't. Its like I have been living a lie all my life. I don't know whats true anymore. Does anyone have any advice on this?

Therapy.. and looking in someone’s eyes and telling them how much this hurts..

Late Discovery - Home
Ron Morgan is a good man.. I met him once..
I think he has a mail group for LDA.. not sure it was a while ago..

Jackie

[kat2560]

I agree with Jackie, Therapy is good for some people. When I was in high school I was raped by two guys that I went to school with, I trusted them until that night. I had a hard time dealing with the rape until I started seeing a counselor and I started talking to him about it. I had been married twice before I went to the counselor. My first husband mentally abused me, and my second husband physically abused me and my kids. I thought that was all I could and deserved was those kind of men, after I went to counseling I realized that I don't deserve that kind of life, I have been through hell and back, but I am a stronger woman for it. You can make what ever choice for your life. I had even turned to drugs to cover up my feelings from my high school days, With God, the treatment program, and counseling I can stand tall with my head held high and be proud of who I am today,

kat2560