[Djbubblz]

I don't know if anyone out there cares or deals with the feelings i do but I would really like to make a friend. There has to be something wrong with me. My adoptive mom is cold to me, we used to be really good friends, my birthfamily hasn't talked to me in 3yrs, the only 2 friends I have are so distant we see each other once a month. Sometimes the pain of being alone is more than I can bare. I don't know what I do wrong, I don't know why when I hurt, there's no one there. I really would like to have someone to talk to. This thing called life is just more than I can handle sometimes.

DjBubblz

[kakuehl]

This forum can be a good place to find friends and support. People who will be willing to share both your joys and your sorrows. Did something particular happen to upset your amom and your birthfamily? Why do you feel like there's something wrong with you? Please feel free to share as much (or as little) as you want to.

[jamiesheridan]

I think I know exactly how you feel. I have spent the last couple of days literally unable to do anything but lay around, cry, and wonder just how much I can take. I'm only sorry I wasn't online whe you posted so I could respond then. I just recently joined this site, and don't really know much about using it.

[kakuehl]

Again, welcome.

Holidays are hard for many people as are anniversaries. Is there anything in particular that has you feeling depressed right now?

In terms of how this site works... browse through the various threads that interest you and respond to them. Or you can start your own thread asking for responses.

This can be a very supportive and helpful place.

[jamiesheridan]

Thanks for responding. I took your advice and played around quit a bit wit the forum site today, and definately feel more comfortable in navigating it. The holidays have always been extremely difficult for me, even when I didn't realize how much of what I felt was tied up in the whole adotion thing. I think this year is going to be the hardest ever. I recently moved from Missouri to Florida, and in the course of it managed to accomplish what I had always feared most...to be completely abandoned / "disowned" by my adoptive parents. In a lot of ways that should be a positive as my relationship with them has always been pretty horrific, but the constant bad beat the absolute feeling of being alone I am adjusting to right now. I have spent the last four days wallowing in self-pity, but feel like I am ready to get on with everday life again now that the "family" weekend is over.

[kakuehl]

Studies show that even children who are abused by their parents still love them and often want their approval badly. Being rejected hurts.

I'm glad you're feeling better. Find places to meet and make new friends. Have you had any counseling to help you deal with the issues you've been facing?

Again, this is a place you can come to and find people who understand... who deal with similar kinds of issues.

[Foundoutat50]

Originally Posted by jamiesheridan

the constant bad beat the absolute feeling of being alone I am adjusting to right now. I have spent the last four days wallowing in self-pity, but feel like I am ready to get on with everday life again now that the "family" weekend is over.

When you quit hitting your head against a wall, it feels strange but once you get used to it, you never want to go back to where you were. I spent the first month in my bachelor apt without a telephone (not by choice). At first it seemed so isolated but it soon became like having my own private island with no way the outside world could get at me!
Once you get over the move, meet a few people and have some new friends, your life won't seem empty and you will enjoy the lack of "constant bad". I have a pillow that was a gift from a friend - "Friends are family you meet along the way". Maybe your move will bring new 'family' into your life!

[Moongrl22]

Originally Posted by Djbubblz

I don't know if anyone out there cares or deals with the feelings i do but I would really like to make a friend. There has to be something wrong with me. My adoptive mom is cold to me, we used to be really good friends, my birthfamily hasn't talked to me in 3yrs, the only 2 friends I have are so distant we see each other once a month. Sometimes the pain of being alone is more than I can bare. I don't know what I do wrong, I don't know why when I hurt, there's no one there. I really would like to have someone to talk to. This thing called life is just more than I can handle sometimes.

DjBubblz

Hang in there! It makes me sad to know you are feeling alone. I wish I can make your pain go away. Just know this YOU are SO SPECIAL. You were born for a reason far greater than you know. Life is a blessing in it's own.
I was abandoned by my own Mother when I was 7 yrs old. Not only did she abandon me but she took me and my siblings away from all the family we have ever known. I have lived all my life not having aunts, uncle, cousins, etc.. I grew up with a foster mother and father until I was 13 yrs and then moved to another state. I lived with another foster mother until I moved away for college. I'm in my late 30's now and what got me through all those years was believing in myself. All the people I've meet in my life have played an important role in who I am today. I love making new friends, taking care of people, being a friend and loving life. Life is more than just the connection we have with our parents but life is about what you can do to help others. I think that's what makes you happy on the inside.
I'm a Bmother also. I gave up my baby when I was 18 because I wanted the BEST for my baby. I gave my baby up out of LOVE. I couldn't provide my baby with all the things babies needed. Love wasn't going to be enough to get us through lifes struggles. I didn't want her to struggle. I made that choice for her. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. I really don't know what is going on with your adoptive mother and Bmother but Just know You are SPECIAL. Don't give up on yourself.
KEEP the faith and all this crazy stuff will pass. You have a purpose in life and it's your journey to find out what it is. Good luck and God bless!

[Hipi]

I have been there, alone, the whole world hating me, & wondering what I did wrong. The truth was that I did nothing wrong, I was just out-growing people & relationships. Many times, when you do that people get angry at you. I spent a lot of time grieving the loss of my oldest & best friends. But the truth of the matter is that I changed - for the better - & it's a shame they weren't happy for me. I realized I deserved to be treated better & I deserved better friends. I would bet you are in exact the same position. Please don't beat yourself up over it. The best thing you can do is just accept that you've out-grown them, go ahead & grieve in a healthy way, & look into ways to do some volunteer work. Not only will it help you to heal by helping others you'll meet new friends that are more on your current level.

If you need resources on healthy grieving, go to your local bookstore, get a counselor or therapist, & journal. Spirituality & Health magazine is a great resource for me.

Take care & keep in touch. If you need to PM me, go ahead, but beware that Fri-Sun I have limited computer availability. I really hope this helps.

[genee]

Hi.....I too have not been in contact with my adoptive family .....for almost 20 years now. It was a very unstable violent family I was adopted into. I found my adoptive Mother almost two years ago and it has been extremely hard trying to have a relationship with her. She deals with mental issues and lashes out at me with a vengence even when I try desperately to be and say everything that she can possibly want. I know what you mean by feeling alone....I think that alone feeling is something that happens when you grow up in a family that you are not biologically connected to and then if/when you do find your biological family it is too late to make up for all that you missed and lost. Let me tell you this...you are not alone....there are so many adoptees that feel this alone and in pain feeling....I don't think it is possibe for anyone but someone who has been adopted to ever understand what you feel....I completely understand. Please know that coming to this site you will find that you are not alone and that many people care. I am going to put a "message" that I saw recently on a post that I saw that touched me deeply and made me realize that I need to somehow learn to love myself and to realize that I am okay. I have my whole life and to this day felt like there must be something wrong with me...I know exactly how you feel when you say that and it is a very lonely feeling. Adoptees kind of form a family of our own....you are not alone.Genée superstar102569@aol.com

You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself.
The single relationship truly central and crucial in a life is
the relationship to the self. It is rewarding to find someone
whom you love, but it is essential to love yourself. It is
quickening to recognize that someone is a good and decent
human being, but it is indispensable to view yourself as
acceptable as well. It is a delight to discover people who are worthy of respect and admiration and love, but it is vital to believe yourself deserving of these things. For you cannot
live in someone else. You cannot find yourself in someone
else. You cannot be given a life by someone else. Of all the
people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one
you will never leave nor lose. To the question of your life,
you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you
are the only solution

[hildar]

My real mom I found out was a liar when she told us kids stuff. She gave me up when I was 2 months old but would come for visits, she was so full of bull that its pitiful. That hurts me alot. I lost my adoptive dad when I was 12 so I went on a rampage of trying to find my real dad. I am still looking 27 years later for him.

I have no friends here in North Carolina. My adoptive mom is in a nursing home with alzhymers. And My real mom I wont even talk to any more. My Birth sister I wont speak to after she tried to kill her own child, and I cant find any of the rest of the family. So I am alone. and it hurts.

I have my children 9, 7, and 4 years old, and my husband but they dont understand what its like for me not to have a real family. And that hurts. So yes I know how you feel.

Hilda

[StarryNights™]

Dj, you are not alone. Not here. A piece of my life for you to mull over. I did not learn I was adopted until I was 35. I turned 41 in Oct.

This last month I have done nothing but be like the girl with her head spinning around on the Exorcist movie.

I never knew what that pain felt like until recently.

Tonight, I had the fortune of talking with my dearest adoptee friend. He gave me perspective, I had never felt like an adoptee until recently. I had never experienced the pain and lonliness until recently. I never understood what it felt like to be adopted until this past month. It was overwhelming and I spent three days drinking and taking prescription sedatives trying to get through the pain. It is the most lonely and cold place in a heart you can be. It is "nowhere" but the nowhereness is all that can be seen and felt.

I too have been rejected by my birth family (both sides) and to a degree I have regected them as well because I refused to fit in with people who were not good for me just in order for them to like me.

Everything lately I have touched has suffered in some way. It makes you think you are worthless and are not deserving of love and compassion. It makes you feel like something is wrong with you. It's not you dear... It's them. Try with all your strength to know you are worth knowing. ~L

[ReOcB42008]

Hugs for you DJ and for the rest of us who feel alone in this world. I too have left my adoptive family and tried to make a better life and you are right, DJ, it IS hard. Moved 3 years ago to another city to get away from the abuse and manipulation and am still learning to be Me - to grow up FINALLY (at almost 50! giggle!). Hang in there, hon. It gets better (albeit slowly! lol). Hugs - MJ

[kune]

genee

You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself.......

Really good piece. I've copied it and will pass it on when I have completed MY homework.

Thanks
Ann

[tessarina11.14.83]

i feel the same as you do you are not alone my adopted parents started to treat me bad after their biological daughter was diagnosed with cancer so i know where you are coming from