[doinit4me]

Well, here I am. New to the boards but not new to adoption. Ever since I can remember I've known I was adopted. My amom told me about a book called the special child (or something like that) that I was given as a child. She always told me I was special because they chose me. I was the first of 4 children. I have a brother who is a biological child of my aparents, a sister who is adopted (not related to me by blood) and another sister who is a biological child of my aparents. We are all pretty much less than 9 months apart. I have always wanted to search for my biological parents but was afraid to. My amom was always against it while my afather was always for it. I can't tell you how many times I've contacted or pulled the information from the facility that they adopted me through to start the process only to never send it in. I was told a few months before I married by my mom that she'd received paperwork by accident that was supposed to go to their lawyer which stated my "origional" name and that I supposedly have an older brother. (That really hit home because although in my afamily I've always been the oldest child, I never felt like the oldest child.) LOL!
This time though is going to be different. I am now 40 and am just hoping that it's not too late. I read some of the posts of people who have found their bparent(s) only to find out that they're gone and I couldn't help but breakdown and cry. I hold no grudge against the people that gave me up but feel that it would be nice to see where I come from. Who I look like or take after.
I look forward to reading the posts and talking out my fears here so that I can complete my journey.
Thank you for listening.

The past cannot be changed, but the future is whatever you want it to be!

[jrainbow]

Good luck on your search. It is an emotional rollercoaster so get ready to roll. But, at least in my case, well worth it.

[doinit4me]

Thank you for the words of encouragement. Yesterday I started the personal letter that LSS suggest you write. I think I've read it to 4 or 5 people so far. I don't want to sound like it will crush me if they don't want contact but I don't want them to think that I'm not interested in contact. What was strange was as I typed it, I had no problem but when I read it for the first time to my husband, I had written a line about how my afather knew that this was important to me not to define me but to complete me. He passed away 2 years ago. He was the one parent that would have supported me in this search. My amom just doesn't understand and therefore wouldn't support this. I think she feels that I wouldn't need her or want her as my mother if I were to find my bmother. Anyway, thank you again for the support. I'm sure I will be visiting this site often.