[babyjsmom]

I have to say there are times my kids adoption comes up everyday and times it is not mentioned for weeks, but we have enriched our lives with tradition and positive discussion that it does come up all the time. I speak about it as a wonderful special quality that my children are excited to talk about and thrive to hear more and more... Age is key, you will know when it feels right, I did.

Good luck and remember the truth is never ever wrong.

[Princesa]

tell him he's adopted- and if he ever asks, tell him the exact situation. im an adoptee - my birthfather does not know that i exist - fact. I think this is worse for him than me...I've had a happy upbringing, i wouldnt change it for all the money in the world...or for manything else...but if it was the case that he did not want to know about me, i would want to know that, to keep me sane. as appose to wondering who he was and where he was. truth is always better than the lies. fact!

[babyjsmom]

How was that for you, were you adopted domestically, or international?...It is hard for me because I do not have any clue who the birth fathers are... Just the Moms. With our two adoptive children, there was no info on the fathers. How do I handle that one? They have not asked me yet, but they will... they are getting older and although I tell them everything I know, how do I handle what I don't know...

[Sunnylove]

I have always known i was adopted. I came to live with my adoptive parents at the age of 2. I remember it so it was never a secret that I was adopted. I think what you are doing is great. You are letting them know of their heritage while at the same letting them know how much you wanted them and love them. That is the most important thing...just let them know no matter how they came to you love them. When they are ready to know more information they will probably let you know. They might start asking questions as they get older and when they do I would just show them all the information you have and explain everything to them the best that you can.

[Sunnylove]

Just tell them the truth. Tell them that you do not know who their biological father is. That you were never given that information. Tell them the only info you have is on their biological mother and ask them if they would like to know that information.

[WVMOMof2]

I am glad I found this thread. My daughter was placed with us at 2 months old as a foster child and is now 21 months old. When she was 10 months old her bio-mom was pregnant and they asked to place the new baby with us. We said "Yes!" The new baby was due in March. We had a crib and clothes and diapers, etc. The baby came early and I found out 7 days after he was born that he went home with the paternal grandparents (no relation to my daughter). I graciously sent the clothes and diapers to that grandma. She sent me a photo for my daughters baby book and that was the end... or so I thought. All agreed it was in my daughters's best interest to remain with me. At the last MDT the bio-parents attended the mom told them she would not appeal her termination and the dad said he would relinquish if I would be the one raising her. They did not want their parents involved and knew she had a great life with me. The other MDT members told them the relinquishment could not be conditional, but her permanency plan was for us to adopt. Then, I get a call in June saying it is the law that my daughter has to have sibling visits with her 4 month old half-sibling. After 2 of 3 adoption worker home visits I was told I had to sign a post-adoptive contract saying the children would have visits every 2 weeks, like us and the boys family were divorced, for the rest of their lives... even after the adoption is final or they will "reconsider her placement".
We too wanted to tell her in age appropriate blocks about her adoption and siblings and when she asked to meet him say "sure, honey" and contact the boys grandmother. It could only be a benefit and build our bond and trust to facilitate the meeting at her request. She could be 6 or 8 or 10, but we would talk about it openly and often.
However, we are not being given the choice to raise her and tell her is age appropriate blocks and her questions will come much harder and it will be much more difficult for her. Her "story" began with us before her bio-mom
even began dating the other boy's bio-dad. It is hard for us that our plan has been hijacked by strangers. Instead of her having her own story, strangers are writing it for her. They told me she will have to have visits every 2 weeks with every bio-half-sibling her bio-mom and bio-dad ever have! Bio-mom is 19 and has already been pregnant 4 times (now a rumored 5th) and has 2 living children.
I don't have the option of getting to tell her in my own way at the appropriate time, but I would start with stories and answer questions age appropriately. The honest will only help build your bond. Meeting bio-family is a totally different issue and should be the child's idea when they are ready. Again, it could only help to facilitate that meeting when the child asks you. It will strengthen your parent-child bond. If you don't help, they'll get on the internet and do it anyway and you'll grow apart.
I wish you so much luck and hope you find all of the advice and support you need to help you feel, not only comfortable, but happy with your decision.

[hopefuldad969]

Not an adoptee here however have friends and family who have adopted as well. My wifes cousin adopted a child and what they did was had books that had adoption in the stories, and read those to them, also left them laying aroudn for them to look at as they wanted so they had an idea about what adoption was and then when they were old enough to understand a bit more they were told that they had been adopted. Because of the previous topics of adoption and the steps used to introduece it and get them used to the idea before being told made the information easier to handle. this particular child has not had any issues about being adopted with a closed adoption. Hope this helps