[chickwithvision]

Hi Beth,
I was adopted at 3 weeks old and have always known. My parents never sat me done and told me, but introduced the concept through bedtime stories about a princess who was adopted by king and queen who loved her so much. Then as I got older I wanted more details - how to share that is really what you need to think about. The truth of my adoption was not disclosed until I was fifteen, and now at 42 I have felt a sense of betrayal for not been told the truth earlier. Be as candid as you can at the level of development of your son. Kids can always sense when something is 'not quite right'. Enlisting the help of support organisations such as jigsaw may also help down the track. Always know that even if he wants to seek his origins later, he loves you very much.
All the best for your family...
Krish

[jenniferm.bailey]

Originally Posted by BradB

I say be totally honest when he can handle it. But as stated before, do not interject your assumptions or feelings. As far as his bmother not seeing him, I think you should tell him and if he asks why she didn't it is ok to say 'I don't know'. Trust me, he will have plenty of unknowns. I encourage you to tell him about being adopted before he can congintively embrace it- This way, he can just say he has always known, and not have the tramatic day where he found out.

I totally agree with Brad, as an adult adoptee, my parents have [i]always[i] told me & my brother we were adopted. There are so [i]great[i] children's books about adoption. They explain things in age appropriate ways.. I.e.. you grew in your mommy's heart, not in her tummy, etc.. If you want I will compile a list of these books for you... My parents told me whatever they knew, and offered me to look at my own files {i didn't see those until I was about 10, and really curious**, but whenever I had questions, comments, feelings (and they were probably at some random times - you know how kids are), but they would talk about it, let me express my feelings, and encourage me with words of love, and plenty of affection.. I always knew I was adopted, but I didn't really understand it until I was about 1st or 2nd grade.. Also, my parents joined a support group that gathered several times a year, so we could be with other kids that were adopted. I knew that there were other kids out there like me.. I know what a special heart you must have, tell him, in age appropriate terms. Focus on the story of when you got him, what did you do that day? How did you find out you were going to be a mommy? What did your husband say/do when you told him (if you are married, if you arenot I apologize).
HTH.
Jennifer,

[jenniferm.bailey]

Hi Beth,
I would leave the details of his birthparents as factual, and not situational.. Just let your son know that when that decision was made, it made your family complete.