[akaAdoptee]

I've known ever since I can remember that I was adopted. While my life within my immediate family was okay, life outside of it wasn't a walk in the park. At first I got all the usual expressions: "You're special," "You were chosen," etc. They were great for my self-esteem when I was with my adopted-parents, but when I shared that "wonderful" information outside of my home, it was a different story.

I was in a private school from preschool to 3rd grade. I learned quickly, after a bout of "show-and-tell" NOT to share the fact that I was adopted or I could expect to be shunned (by kids whose parents told them to stay away from me, like I had some kind of disease) and called named (I'm sure those other kids didn't even know what the word "bastard" meant, but it hurt nonetheless). I was even beat-up a couple of times because of my "condition."

Even my surrounding family made me feel different. I can recall my grandmother always saying to me, "We love you even though you're adopted!" I'm sure she didn't mean it the way it sounded, but that too hurt something fierce.

I remember walking in on a conversation my Aunt was having with her daughter, my cousin. She was telling her to be nice to me because I wasn't really part of the family, so they had to be extra nice to make up for it. All the while, though, she (my Aunt) treated me different than my cousin. For example, when I went to stay with them during the Summer once, she took us out to buy us new bathing suits. My cousin got one from one of the "nice" stores at the Mall ... I was taken to K-Mart to choose one.

Finding my birthmother wasn't much better. One high point, though, my adopted-Mom promised me she would help me when I came of age if I wanted to search. She was true to her word, and actually played a huge roll in my finding my birthmother.

We began searching when I was 18. I was taken advantage of by companies promising to help in the search (lost a lot of $), and we did as much as we could on our own (Mom even contacted Phil Donahue to see if I could get on the show!).

A few months before I turned 30 my adopted-Mom called with the name of a judge she thought might be sympathetic to me and so she wanted me to write a letter asking for my medical information (I had already done this several times before, to no avail). I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I did it, expecting nothing.

Two weeks later I received a large package in the mail from the judge. Not only did it include my medical information, but ALL of the papers relating to my adopton (including the ones with personal information for my birthmother).

The Wedesday before my 30th birthday (on Friday), I had an intermediary make contact. She made it clear she did NOT want any contact, and had, in fact, always considered my birthday the day I died. She wanted to have no contact, and she wouldn't tell me anything about my birthfather.

Nothing much has changed (although there is a bit more to the story). I do want to find my birthfather, but it looks like that will be impossible as she says she is the only one who knows who it is, and she won't ever reveal him to me.

[TxMom65]

I'm sorry that your search ended like it did. I'm even more sorry that being adopted brought about some negative emotions from others.

I'm glad that the immediate family was a bright spot. Thanks for sharing your story.

[Jackiejdajda]

Because your birthmom is totally messed up.. you do not have to accept her horrible words.. and thoughts and deeds..

I urge you to not allow her inability to cope the control of your life..

Jackie

[jrainbow]

I'm so sorry ... for the past hurts and the present ones. Try to remember that it isn't you that she rejected. She doesn't even know you and you are obviously a marvelous person.

[Blessed2x.]

Wow! That's a lot of hurt you've had to bear in your life! I'm sorry! May I ask how old you are? I'm also adopted but had very few hurtful comments to my face. Quite a few curious questions from peers, though.