[Elsa Marie]

For those whose adoption came as a total surprise, how is the Messenger treated? Does it depend on the Messenger's relationship to the Adoptee? Does the way they are told influence how they will reacted? Once the Adoptee has processed the information and has gotten over their initial reactions, are they able to forgive and resume a relationship with their adoptive and bio parents? (Especially in an inter-family adoption?). I have always wondered if there is ever a good time to tell a young adult that their life as they know it, is really a lie, but is it better to tell them when everything is going their way?

I appreciate any and all responses. I am trying to get the adoptive and bio parents to see that they need to tell their son the truth.

[Jackiejdajda]

here is a link Late Discovery Adoptee by Ron Morgan

there is a mail loop for late discovery adoptee's..

Ron Morgan (bb_church) is a very very nice man.. and I know he will help if he can..

I hope its okay to put this link here.. I can not remember the rules but I know Ron is not into making money on any of this and he is not an agency..

Moderators if this is wrong.. please erase and notify me and I will pm the link..

Jackie

[Drywall]

Elsa Marie....I was told at 7. The messenger was my a-fathers 2nd wife, She had no knowledge nor did she care how disturbing that adoption information was. It was devastating.

In a single chat you lose your bonding and security...you become an outsider...almost at the same level as a rentor living with a family.

I felt as though I had lost any "rights" to family membership and I was now 2nd class...suspect and tainted.

I never shared my adoption secret although there were close friends of my family that knew. Many knew the circumstances of the sordid transaction of how I was adopted.

When I was young, I never saw them looking at me strangely, but they treated me differently as though they knew a deep secret.

You had a good family relationship that demonstrated that the a-family loved and cared for you.

No matter how rocky the road, through all the parts of our lives, at some point there will be healing. It will come in stages. The amount of healing cant be measured, but you will know. You wont know that it has occurred until you look back at how far you have come.

Adoption is a life long sentence...but it is the healing that brings us closer to the peace and final closure in regards to the many questions surrounding the unanswered pieces of our lives.

I wish you the best.