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Old 01-13-2012, 07:49 AM
Missingpiece06121982 Missingpiece06121982 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6
Total Points: 2,681.34
I agree but I disagree.... My half brother was adopted and I want to find him. This is so hard for me! I had a great friend for a long time that took the emptiness inside from not knowing. When I lost that friend to a tragic accidnet in 2005 it killed me emotionally and now I am more determined than ever to find my brother. It may have been my mothers choice but never mine or my younger sisters. I have two beautiful girls and I know they would love to meet their uncle. Not to mention our sister had a little girl the day after Christmas. I want to know if I have any neices or nephews. He may not want to meet our mother but I would hope that he would want to met me and our sister. I think about it all the time now. It was not my choice!
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Old 04-09-2012, 08:52 AM
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Drywall Drywall is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 955
Total Points: 22,696.91
As a CASA let me speak very broadly from a courts point of view.

Once b-parents give up their rights to the child, (regardless of the reason) that child is given over to the court for protection and becomes a part of the courts goal of "best interest of the child."

It is nearly impossible for the b-parents to go back to the court to plead that now circumstances are better and they can resume the care and protection of the child.

Nor can they delve into court records which are not public information and gain access to the outcome of the circumstances of the child once parental rights were terminated. The child and the circumstances are under the protection of the court.

Termination of parental rights can be looked at much like the sale of a piece of property. Once the property is put up for sale and the legal rights to that property have been executed, the court assumes that the seller has no more legal or otherwise interest in that property.

The court assumes much the same. Once a TPR is in place, there can be no further interest by the parents in that child.

Altho children are not sold to a court the legal rights to the child by the parents has been terminated. To change that, a hearing must come about and the reasons for change presented to the court for the judges ruling.

In most cases, altho the b-parents may have emotional attachments to the child, and the court may take those under advisement, the judges ruling will be based on evidence presented to the court and there may not be any acceptance of those emotional bonds.

The law may not be perfect but in terms of "the best interest of the child" it serves many people very well.

The Titanic did a number of things well, but in the end it failed to protect everyone.

I wish you the very best.

Last edited by Drywall : 04-09-2012 at 09:32 AM.
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Old 04-15-2012, 03:27 AM
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susieloo susieloo is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 441
Total Points: 19,191.60
Not many actions in our lives have life long sentences...murder... and oh yes being a birthmother. Lets just shoot them all!
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Old 04-15-2012, 04:35 AM
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ReOcB42008 ReOcB42008 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 90
Total Points: 13,974.18
I think that both parties - birthparent and adoptee - should have access to their records. I am an adoptee and I also think that the birthparents should give a document of health/heritage(I don't even know my cultural background - thought I was Italian as I look just like my adopted father but my birthsurnames are either German, Irish or English!) to a mediator until the adoptee reaches age 21 and then the mediator can contact both birthparents and adoptee and see if they all want contact. Dove - I agree in a way with you - we didn't have any choice in the matter and we deserve to know basic facts about ourselves too!
All adoptees deserve a document of heritage and health information at time of relinquishment.
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Old 04-16-2012, 06:18 PM
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susieloo susieloo is offline
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where i live all records are open unless a veto is put on them by either bmother or adoptee. if a veto is put on, it may be removed at any stage. The veto otherwise lasts for ten years and if not renewed the records again become available. not a bad system although it must be horrible when one goes to search and finds a veto in place.
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Old 04-17-2012, 03:09 AM
murphymalone murphymalone is offline
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One would think under the "freedom of information act" there would be an avenue to access any information documented regarding an individual. Gaining access to information on file about yourself should not pose a problem at least here in Canada.

But in the USA with the passing of the Patriot Act those who were held were not allowed to gain access to the means under which the state held them due to this being a threat to the country.

I like the comparison to a life sentence. That's about it isn't it? How a bureaucracy holds the key to your life is pretty daunting. There are so many people who are affected vicariously by adoption and there seems to be so many closed doors.

I don't believe that anyone should be hampered from finding out what happened. But there should also be a respect for the choices people make in the here and now. If people don't want contact after a period of time I don't think that should be forced upon them whether they are the person adopted or the person who relinquished.

It's a pandora's box. The pendulum swung here in Canada and now any child given up can find out what happened. I am not sure how fair that is but it's a reversal of being banned for life and that's a good thing. I think that a person who has been adopted and who doesn't want contact has the right to privacy.

I think the rights of the person who gave the child up should not be trod upon but there should be an avenue to find out the facts nonetheless. Legislating compassion isn't easy. People find their way around all of the protective barriers and the truth has a way of rising to the surface if you are tenacious enough.
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:17 PM
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susieloo susieloo is offline
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Originally Posted by murphymalone

There are so many people who are affected vicariously by adoption

and it goes on and on down through the fair is that.
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