[workingclassryan]

I have known my entire life i was adopted. my mom and dad were good to me and i had all i ever needed. i always had a void in my self not ever really knowing who i was. i had a birth certificate but that was altered.
My birth mother i was told was 14 and my birth father was 42 when i was born. due to the age difference my adoptive parents questioned rape or incest to the agency (if you want to know the name of the adoption agency ask and i will tell because i dont agree with their tactics and exploitation). they were told that was not the case.
i finally got my non identifying info from the agency after having to pay for it, adoptees have to pay for the shred of knowing what everyone else gets for free, and found out the truth behind my adoption.
my birth mother was 14 and was taken in by my birthfather age 42 and his wife to live with them and the "other" teenage girls who lived with them. this is when she began to get raped by the couple. the wife would hold her down while he had his way with her. she got pregnant with me. after my birth she disappeared. no charges were ever filed against him even though she was not the only one who had to suffer this..
my point to this is that adoptees are not protected against anything. i was never told the truth until i forced it from them and can get no more. i never signed a paper stating i wanted my files locked but here i am, 27 years old and in the process of adopting 2 siblings through foster care personally knowing their parents not really knowing if i am doing the right thing for their sake.

[wannabamom]

I read your post and I'm really sorry for you and your BMom. I cannot imagine what she must have gone through and I feel for you, for what you're going through too. I just want to say that even adoptive parents have to go through a lot of paperwork, emotional heartbreaks, financial losses, etc.. to get their dream of a child and for some, just a matter of helping the children and they have to pay the agency for all this, and still not be guaranteed about anything. I read that you're not sure about adopting the siblings that are under your foster care. I'm sure your AParents gave you a lot of love, etc as you've said, and even though your mother was cheated, and in the process, you by that couple, you can make a good influence by adopting those 2 children and give some other kids the chance your mother never had???? I wish you all the best and pray that you make the decision that's right for you and the kids,

[workingclassryan]

i dont want my foster kids to resent me and feel the way i do. my wife and i have 2 kids of our own and made the decision not to have any more kids until we found out my sister (who already abandoned 3 other kids with her ex and hasnt seen them in many years) had a little girl taken from her. i hadnt spoken to her in years due to her having an uncontrollable meth addiction and i was through with being taken advantage of by her. i felt it was my duty as her brother to take the girl in. when we went to one of her court hearings, my sister was pregnant and clearly high. we notified dhs and the baby was released to us when he was released from the hospital. he tested positive for drugs as well.
we are into the adoption process now and i dont know how to handle it. i will always tell the kids where they came from but i will not let her see them unless she has entered the program, which is not a difficult one to follow if you a sober person, that dhs has mandated for her.

[ambr13a13y]

I was adopted and my parents from the start told me that.but since i have started looking they have started telling me more things about my birth parents that i never knew. When i have gone to the docters and you have to fill out the paper work on family's background history my mom would say she didnt know but now all of a sudden she has all the non identifying information about them. like their age, height, weight, hair color, eye color, what they did for fun, their religion, and information on my birth mothers family like how many sisters and brothers she had and what they looked like and their nationailty and the same thing with my brith fathers family. i dont know if i should be mad at my mother from keeping this information from me. or if maybe she didnt tell me because when i was younger i didnt give much thought to it or show like i was interested???

[workingclassryan]

I have a son with high functioning autism adn after getting my non id info, i found out i also have a brother with severe autism. ive been trying to get more information about it.
I also think my adoptive mother has held out information from me also.

[sal]

It was hard growing up with "secrets" looming in the background of my life...it was hard having to write "Adopted.. don't know" on every medical form that I filled out....stuff that many take for granted. I didn't search for my bfamilies until I was 48... WAY too long...but I think I needed to get myself to a place emotionally where I could deal with just about anything that I would find...I was welcomed with open arms by my bmother, bsiblings, and extended bfamily... but bfather and his other children and most of his extended family wish I didn't exist. Even with that rejection.. living in the light of truth is easier than the darkness of the secrets... sal

[workingclassryan]

I agree. it shouldnt be embarrasing but it is. i was with my wife for along time before i got the courage to tell her

[susieloo]

Finding Ben is an amazing book about living with aspergus...on the autism scale

[cirkusfan]

Originally Posted by workingclassryan

I have a son with high functioning autism adn after getting my non id info, i found out i also have a brother with severe autism. ive been trying to get more information about it.
I also think my adoptive mother has held out information from me also.

I don't know where you live, but here in Oklahoma County, Oklahoma, if there is a life threatening or life altering disease or illness to the adoptee or one of his/her children, often times one of the judges will open the original birth certificate. With the court order rendering the birth certificate and adoption case open, you can read everything in your file. It should contain your birth mother's name. It should say where she lived at the time of your birth. Her birthday and year (I think). How many times she's been pregnant before she had you. It will also list your birthfather's name IF she listed him at the time of your birth.

I am a searcher here in Oklahoma. I encourage those I assist in their searches to try and get their original BC opened to get the names of the bparents. It makes it so much easier AND judges are more likely to open the case if there is a history of serious illness. What you need is a letter from your doctor or your son's pediatrician stating that his problem is hereditary and you need to contact your birth family to obtain family medical history for your children.

Let me know if I can help. I'm a volunteer searcher.

Cindy