[Onlymytears]

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I knew from a very early age, that I was somehow different than my other "siblings". Mostly because my adoptive mother went out of her way to make it known. The way she would introduce me to others, the awful treatment, spitting emotional insults, constantly berating me, angry eyes filled with loathing, disgust. Idiot, was the only name I knew for the first five years of my existance. Never good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, to do ANYTHING with the "family. Who in their right mind takes there kids to the circus, but leaves an 8 yr old girl home to do the dishes, her homework, then go to bed??? Yes...I am very bitter, very angry with her and the outragous things she bestowed upon me. They continually scar my everyday life, and I need some help.

[MlynnBrrtt]

I am very sorry that you are having to deal with this. I am not adopted....but my family of origin is VERY dysfunctional....especially my father who is an alcoholic and NPD. I have very often cried my self to sleep just wishing to have a "real father" and to be some daddy's little girl. I can relate to those feelings. It sounds like your "mother" has alot of issues that she herself is dealing with. Have you sought therapy or counseling? Those things can be such a great help. I know how scarey it is - and I know how easy it must sound for me to suggest such a thing. But I too am dealing with the fear of facing ALANON and therapy/counseling. I have been "trying" to go for the past year but the fear of the unknown is a HUGE fear (especially for ACOA'a) that takes alot of get past.

I suggest going on amazon.com and buying/reading a few books. One of the books I suggest is "Toxic Parents". If you search for that book a whole host of others will pop up. Books about healing your "inner child" are also very good. Any book you can find about growing up in a dysfunctional home (ANY kind of dysfunction....many people whose parents were NOT alcholoic's still get great help from ACOA books because it's not the alcoholism itself - it's the dysfunction surrounded & caused by it which comes in MANY forms - which harms children. That dysfunction and the "treatment" for it and it's symptoms in adult children is very similar and consistant....so even if you don't think a book might relate to your situation....you might find alot of help from it) should be of a great help.

I wish that every child was loved and wanted - and that children would NEVER be born to parents who are emotionally or mentally unstable - and that children would NEVER end up in adoptive(or first) homes that are toxic...but sadly thats not reality. Bad things happen to children - who then become adults - that are left to spend the rest of thier lives "trying" to clean up the mess thier parents made in thier wake. You can't change the past. You can't change your mother. You can't "help" her or make her a loving person. BUT you can help to heal yourself and make sure you do not perpetuate the cycle in your children. Thats all anyone really can do. If you feel like your mother is harming you(emotionally,physically,verbally,mentally exc) - you first must get yourself out of harms way(limit contact and create boundries) - and only then can you work on healing and if you choose "forgiveness".

[Anjilic]

I'm so sorry to hear of your pain. Your situation sounds so familiar - you just decribed my life.

I know how difficult it is, and how this rejection and quite frankly abuse, can spill over into all areas of your life. I know because I deal with it every day. We all just want to be loved and it feels like you are unwanted at every turn. Please remember - you are not the problem; it's not that you are unworthy, it's that THEY have a serious problem. I know it's hard, but please try not to take it personally. They are the problem, not you.

Good luck to you - take care.

Hugs,
Jill (Anjilic)

[mj77]

I'm so sorry to hear what you have gone through. I can not imagine such awful behavior toward my children. I'm an adoptive mom and wanted to be a mom to my children--no one forced me to so I don't get why some people can still be so cruel to their children by adoption? I hope one day your mom will realize--really realize how shameful her behavior has been and I hope you find ways to move on and rise above her problems to be the great person God has created you to be.

Take care

[Summer95]

I am so sorry to hear what you went through. I experienced a very similar situation growing up. Verbal, physical and emotional abuse were common in my home. There are so many stories I could write a book.
I second Mlynn's recommendation of the book "Toxic Parents". It is an excellent book. I also recommend therapy, which was my saving grace. If there was alcohol abuse in the home try Alanon meetings. Great support system!!!
Unfortunately, I was born to two unstable and unhealthy individuals that were not capable of being loving parents. I am now in control of my life.
DH and I are unable to have children, so we adopted our first son almost two years ago. My mother made it perfectly clear (through actions and words) that my sister's biological children were more important, therefore, I cut off contact. My son is most important in my life and until they get help this is the way it will be.
Please seek professional help, read books, and attend meetings. You deserve to be free of your past! Please IM me if you want to talk.

Sending you Big Hugs