[rabbitnz]

I have wondered if I was adopted since I was about ten years old. I think my older brother might be my father. So anyway, a couple of weeks ago I found out that here in New Zealand if you're adopted it does not say it anywhere on your b/c. I applied for my original b/c to find out if I have one or not and to try and answer all those nagging questions that have been in the back of my head all these years (I'm 29). I have to wait 2 weeks to find out and I feel like I'm losing it. Whenever I think about it I start to freak out, I have all these emotions running through me. I feel like I can't talk to anyone because none of my friends have been through this and if I am adopted who in my family can I trust to talk about it with? On the other side of the coin, I think if I tell people what is going on and it turns out I'm not adopted then everyone will think that I'm a horrible daughter or crazy and delusional or something. Right now I really don't know what to do or think or feel. I know I am not officailly part of the adopted community so sorry if I am intruding but it nice to be able to get it all out.
Thanks for listening

[cnb1099]

You are not intruding..these forums are for anyone. Might I ask what made you "feel" like you were adopted?
Has there been any suggestions by your family? Just curious because I was adopted but was always told I was adopted.

I think that once you get your original bc that you can sit down and talk with your family. If it state you were NOT adopted then you have not put anything out there that you will feel embarrased about. Not that you should be embarrased about it, I think it just depends on the relationship that you have with them. I would have just questioned it with my parents, birth certificate or not, but that is me.

If the orginal bc show you were adopted, sit down with your parents..talk to them...tell them that you have always had these feelings and you wanted to confirm them before you said anything. Let them tell you what happened and go from there...


Whatever happens I hope that it works out the way you want it to ..best of luck

cnb

[rabbitnz]

Well the reasons I've always felt adopted are that my parents are older, my Dad just turned 80. I've alwys felt like I was an obligation to them, like they didn't really want me around. There have always been alot of inconsistencies when they talk about my early life, like they say my brother was around and he says he was in a different country. My parents have always compared me to my older brother according to them, everything I do, say, think etc is identical to what he does. Then about six years ago I looked in the Library for my Birth Notice to try and feel more connected to my family. I couldn't find one, when I asked my parents about it they started yelling at me (they are normally very quiet and reserved people). Since then anytime I have tried to talk to my mother about anything to do with pregnancy, children and stuff she gets a weird look on her face and leaves the room.
Once I asked her if i was adopted, she looked at me like I was something she scraped off her shoe and turned around and walked away, she barely spoke to me for three years after that which is very out of character. That is why I have had to send away for the certificate to know for sure. If I do get my certificate I'm not sure how I could bring up the subject with my parents without making them angry. They are the only parents I have known I don't want to lose them, but I feel like there is a big blank over my head that needs to be filled in.

[cnb1099]

I cannot even imagine how you feel..or going through what you are..would either of your brothers talk with you about it?

As far as your mom, I can see both sides of this. If you are her natural child she may feel disappointed or upset taht you feel so "disconnected" from your family.

If you are adopted then maybe she is trying to protect you from what she sees as unpleasantness, or opening "old wounds" for lack of a better term.

It is hard as there are many eggshelss to potentially step on here. You do not want to hurt them but you IMO have a right to know. It does not sound like she is willing to budge from her stand on this so if you find that yes you are adopted could you go to the brother that you think my be your bfather and talk to him?