[JimiJamz]

It was a little more than a week before my 34th birthday and 2 days after my maternal grandfather's funeral. My mother decided we need to have a family "chat".

So, my mother, my sister, my maternal grandmother and I sat down in my grandparent's living room to "chat".

The first words out my mother's mouth were, I need to tell you something about me. She proceeded to tell my sister and I that she had been pregnant in college and put the baby up for adoption. She lied about several of the "facts" she gave us but my grandmother waited until my mother and sister left to tell me the whole truth as she could remember it. The conversation quickly turned ugly and ended with my grandmother forcing my mother and sister to leave her house. I have spoken to neither my mother nor my sister since that day, almost 2 years ago.

My grandmother persuaded my mother to attend grief counseling with her and the one and only appointment my mother showed up for, the issue of my brother came up. My grandmother and the counselor pleaded with my mother to give me the info I need to find my brother. The woman who gave birth to me and my brother told them it was none of my business and the she would never help me find him.

For almost 34 years I was the oldest, the only son and only grandson on that side of my family. I have one younger sister and 2 younger female cousins. I was always my grandfather's "favorite" and none of the girls, my mother included, ever got over that fact. My mother waited until my Paw Paw was gone and then slapped me in the face. Suddenly in a matter of minutes, I was no longer the oldest or the "only". She never had any intentions of telling me all the facts or helping me find my brother.

As a child I asked for a brother every Christmas. My sister could "do no wrong" and I took all the abuse from my father and just wanted a brother for support and to not feel so alone. I prayed every night for God to bring me a brother. Little did I know, I had one all along.

My father had no idea about my brother. Only my mother, my grandparents and my grandmother's brother and wife (who were my Godparents) knew the truth. My grandfather took it to his grave. My grandmother says he would sometimes mention my brother to her and wonder if they should tell me. He always decided against it because he never wanted me to not feel "special."

Once I found out about Christopher I spent 12 to 15 hours a day searching the net and making phone calls in attempt to learn all I could and try to find my brother. Somehow I never found this site. I quickly burned out on the hours and the disappointments.

I recently became involved with a charity and designed a webpage on Myspace. It took off really quick and is doing well. Why it took 2 months for me to realize it might be a source to find my brother, I have no clue.

A couple of nights ago I decided to do a search on Myspace for adoption groups. I found one and it had tons of links to adoption websites. Thank God this one was listed there. In just a few days I have met some really helpful people and for the first time truly feel like I am going to find my brother.

Someway, somehow I will find him.

Never give up.

[itsamiracle]

Aww, good luck! I know you will find him! Hope it's really soon, too.

[Raina0831]

Good luck JimiJamz!! If you get stumped on anything, let us know, so we can help .

Best of luck!

Raina

[Umbilical child]

Yeah good luck hope all goes well...but don't be so harsh on your Mother. Do you know the full story?..Can you understand what she has had to go through in life?.....she gave birth to a child and for some reason had to give it up...she will have enough hurt to deal with and probably doesn't need any more at this stage....give her time and tread lightly..........................

[JimiJamz]

I do know the whole story. I have dealt with her most of my life. Trust me her intentions now are not good. As for her intentions then, I will keep those to myself but my opinion is definitely an informed one.
I actually had a search angel find my brother. He is in my home state. He asked her to not share any personal info with me. So I wait and hope that one day he will want to meet me.

[Moongrl22]

JimiJamz, My heart feels for you. I hope some day you and your brother will find each other and have a relationship. I know how much he means to you. I want to tell you something that I recently found out from my 11 yrs old daughter. She and I were at the mall shopping for a graduation gift for my first born baby daughter that I gave up for adoption when I was 18. She said "mom can I buy her a card"? I said "Sure". As we walked out the store she said "mom, I want to tell you something. I knew I had a big sister long before I was born. When I was still in your tummy you thought of her every day and you missed her". I almost started crying. That was the most amazing thing I had ever heard. I hugged her and I told her how much I loved her. She also said "I can't wait to meet my big sister some day". I told her the TRUTH. I think it's very important to be as honest as possible to the people you love. I told my 13 yrs old son and my 11 yrs old daughter their is a chance that their older sister may not want any contact with us. It's a hard pill to swallow. We want to have her in our life someday because we love her.
I wish your mother was more considerate of your feelings because I think your feelings matter a lot. If you want to know your brother she should be supportive and understanding. I'm a birth mother and I make sure to I consider my children's feelings before my own. Good luck to you with your journey to search for your older brother.

Originally Posted by JimiJamz

It was a little more than a week before my 34th birthday and 2 days after my maternal grandfather's funeral. My mother decided we need to have a family "chat".

So, my mother, my sister, my maternal grandmother and I sat down in my grandparent's living room to "chat".

The first words out my mother's mouth were, I need to tell you something about me. She proceeded to tell my sister and I that she had been pregnant in college and put the baby up for adoption. She lied about several of the "facts" she gave us but my grandmother waited until my mother and sister left to tell me the whole truth as she could remember it. The conversation quickly turned ugly and ended with my grandmother forcing my mother and sister to leave her house. I have spoken to neither my mother nor my sister since that day, almost 2 years ago.

My grandmother persuaded my mother to attend grief counseling with her and the one and only appointment my mother showed up for, the issue of my brother came up. My grandmother and the counselor pleaded with my mother to give me the info I need to find my brother. The woman who gave birth to me and my brother told them it was none of my business and the she would never help me find him.

For almost 34 years I was the oldest, the only son and only grandson on that side of my family. I have one younger sister and 2 younger female cousins. I was always my grandfather's "favorite" and none of the girls, my mother included, ever got over that fact. My mother waited until my Paw Paw was gone and then slapped me in the face. Suddenly in a matter of minutes, I was no longer the oldest or the "only". She never had any intentions of telling me all the facts or helping me find my brother.

As a child I asked for a brother every Christmas. My sister could "do no wrong" and I took all the abuse from my father and just wanted a brother for support and to not feel so alone. I prayed every night for God to bring me a brother. Little did I know, I had one all along.

My father had no idea about my brother. Only my mother, my grandparents and my grandmother's brother and wife (who were my Godparents) knew the truth. My grandfather took it to his grave. My grandmother says he would sometimes mention my brother to her and wonder if they should tell me. He always decided against it because he never wanted me to not feel "special."

Once I found out about Christopher I spent 12 to 15 hours a day searching the net and making phone calls in attempt to learn all I could and try to find my brother. Somehow I never found this site. I quickly burned out on the hours and the disappointments.

I recently became involved with a charity and designed a webpage on Myspace. It took off really quick and is doing well. Why it took 2 months for me to realize it might be a source to find my brother, I have no clue.

A couple of nights ago I decided to do a search on Myspace for adoption groups. I found one and it had tons of links to adoption websites. Thank God this one was listed there. In just a few days I have met some really helpful people and for the first time truly feel like I am going to find my brother.

Someway, somehow I will find him.

Never give up.

[Toolate]

Hi Jimijamz,
I'm sorry to hear about these latest developments with your brother. I don't think I'll ever understand how people reach these decisions. Has anything happened since your last entry?