[Chris Avery]

My parents and family were out of town at Christmas time 1986 to spend the holiday with relatives. I had to stay home because of time schedules with my college/work. I was feeling lonely being all alone on Christmas Day 1986, so I decided to look through some old, stored boxes of photo albums etc. I had always asked where my baby book was since my other 5 siblings had theirs prominently displayed on a shelf in my adoptive parents bedroom. I was told it had been lost in one of our many work transfers my family had gone through. Needless to say my "lost" baby book was found by me on this day. There it was in black and white "Your Adoptive Baby Book". I couldn't read it fast enough or thoroughly enough. I had always felt something was different about me from my other siblings, I just never had any concrete proof. I confronted my adoptive parents, and my adoptive father confirmed my adoption, but my adoptive mother denied it, and denies it to this day. No problems, the book wouldn't have much time to torment me, as soon as my parents returned home, it disappeared again. Christmas Day had always been my favorite day of the year, but unfortunately this experience has tarnished even that joyous occassion for me. I have since come full circle with my feelings about Christmas Day, after having chidren of my own, I feel selfish wallowing in my own problems, so I just suck it up for my 4 children and put on a happy face. Christmas night is quite a different story as my wife can attest...........

[Renda]

Chris,

It's strange the way some of us find out about being adopted, I found out by accident too, one day when I was about 10yrs old, was walking home from an aunts house where adoption had just been discussed, I asked my sister (adopted) about it and she replied, 'you are adopted too', I said 'am I?', and never said a word about it after that, didnt even ask my mother when I got home. Not long after though she did sit me down and expain very simply that I was adopted and she loved us all the same, and it was as simple as that.

Have your parents never discussed it since?, its so important for you to know your roots, it took me another 17 yrs to apply for my orignal birth certificate and yet another 15yrs before i accessed my file, but now I have just traced my full brother and we are very happy.
So what I am trying to say is that even though the history I did find out was something my parents would rather I never have known, i felt better after I had the knowledge, as not knowing was much worse.

I hope you can discuss it more with your parents, perhaps if they feel threatened by it, your mother has had a very strong reaction to deny it completely, poor thing.

They do need to understand though that you need some answers, as we all do in these situations.

I wish you well and hope you get the answers you need, it saddens me the way you feel about this, it goes very deep I know, and only someone who has been adopted can really ever understand.

Please update with any information as you deal with this if you can.

[feelinglost]

Hi Chris,

Sorry that you had to find out in this way.....I understand how Christmas will somehow never be the same. (I found out when I was 40, my amom told me, my adad had been gone for 10 years, he never wanted me to know).
I think looking back now, if my adad was here, he would have denied it also. I honstly can't tell you why, but my amom said he was always afraid I won't love them. Funny isn't it, how something as wonderful as adopting a child, (i was three), get twisted in their minds as being something they must hide. I'll tell you that his family (big italian family) were not at all supportive. So maybe as the years went by it became harder to talk about. I promise, I'm not making excusses, Waiting as long as they did, was imo very wrong. But I can't change the past, or how they were treated. I can reassure my amom that nothings change between us. She is my mother, always will be. Nothing can change that.
I do believe they don't understand why we need to know. Like you I always felt different. I had no brothers or sisters (that I know of), and always felt "left out"...at least now I understand why.
Stay intouch, let us know how goes your battle......it's a great forum with great people, information and understanding. Take care