[dl]

I know who I am and emotionally this has been more amusing than anything else. It is now more of a mystery to be solved.

What a great way to phrase what we go through as we discover our beginnings. As I have learned the truth, it has been facinating and interesting and reading your words ~ yes, solving a mystery. Like you I knew who I was and learning the truth did not change me.

It was interesting to read all of your posts about finding out late in life. Like you, I was never told I was adopted. Unfortunately, no one in my family ever told me. I found out by accident through a complete stranger when I was 21. It was devastating. I am now 44 and to this day I have never told anyone in my family that I know I'm adopted. I was too scared, not sure what I was scared of.. perhaps that they wouldn't love me anymore? At 21, who knows what I was thinking. I rarely talked about it the past 23 yrs until last year when I decided that I wanted to know the "why". I was fortunate enough to get receive my original bc and non ID info - which gave me more info than I ever expected. I had a sister, 7yrs older than me. After months of looking online, I accidentally found her through classmates.com. Lo and behold, she answered me back. She was shocked to know she had a sister as she was never told about me. It's been an interesting journey so far. We are getting to know each other and taking it slow. I had written bmom but she never responded so I've left that alone.

It's amazing how everyone has kept it a secret all this time. Like some of you, I had no clue I was adopted. I never felt out of place, I was and am loved by my family. But I am still filled with thousand of questions and not sure how to go about getting them answered. I guess time will tell.

Good Luck to all of you.

[HAIR127]

YOUR INCREDIABLE! HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AT BEING ADOPTED!!? NEVER COULD I KEEP A SECRET THAT LONG!!! YOUR FAMILY STILL DOESNT KNOW THAT YOU KNOW? WOW....YOU HAVE PATIENCE ....GIRL! MY ANGER FLEW WILD...AND I CONFRONTED EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!LOL HUGS JANET

[goldengate98]

Nancy, Janet is right - you have an incredible patience. I just found out at 49 and it was sort of a surprise. Sadly, the one person who knew most about my adoption was my father, who was ill when I found out and who has since died. I have talked to one aunt who knew a bit about my history, but not enough to be more than supportive of my search. I have decided not to share my knowledge with the rest of my family for now.

I say all of this to say that I envy you the option to decide to ask people who can tell you. Even if you decide never to ask. Not having someone to ask is probably the sadest part of this whole process.

Raymond

[ashlam]

Wow! I just found out two years ago when I was 18. I probably would have never found out if one of my good friends hadn't found out "the family secret" and told me. I still can't believe that they kept this secret from me for 18 years. I can't imagine finding out 20 years from now.

[taylor83189]

I was contacted at 43 by my half sister. I never had any idea I was adopted. I was sure that she had the wrong person. After checking with my older brother who is also adopted(which I never knew), I found out it was true. My whole family knew. I now have met my 2 half sisters and my birth mother. It has been quite a journey at this age, but I am enjoying them. It is a whole new family which I find I have so much in common with. As much as I love my adoptive family, I feel like I really fit with this new family. They are so much like me.
I don't like that I was lied to, but this information has come at a good time in my life. I feel like I have been given a real gift. I am having a lot of fun with them and am truly happy they wanted to find me. If I had known, I would have looked for my birth mother. If they had not found me, I don't think I would have ever found out from my family. I am glad that my birth mother cared enough to want to find me.

[feelinglost]

Hi,
It's it funny how we are about telling our families, I did the same thing, out of maybe 60 cousins and second cousins, I told only two. Like some of you the whole family knew, but me. It's very different when you find out later in life, I was forty. Someone wrote, or said, adoptees have this bond, this special thing only they understand, well isn't that the truth, but it also goes deeper. My "family" is not what it used to be, closeness is all but gone, but there were times when I used to feel I didn't belong, used to think it was because I was the youngest, used to as a teen think it was me, something was wrong, but they knew this secret....i believe now this was the "thing". Now being older and looking back, I realize now most of them truly feel that I am not their family, therefore I don't belong. It's just the way this family works. It is wonderful some of you have found your Bfamily!!!!! I have become somewhat comfortable with fact I'm adopted, comfortable in my skin and the person, wife, friend and mother I have become. No the knowledge didn't change these things, but it certainly raised some questions. Being an only child, I now wonder if I have any siblings out there? It is true adoptees share something, and being on this forum, through lots of different threads, you can see it come through. We are very giving, kind people....we long to fit in. It's good to know I'm not alone.

[Stephaniejones]

I'm 42 (I think) and yesterday I discovered I'm adopted. How did I find out? I've always suspected something wasn't right. Last year I started doing research on DNA labs. Found one that suggested I get hair or a toothbrush from my mother. Oddly enough, my mother's toothbrush fell under the bed while she was visiting and she didn't pick it up. When I found it I called to confirm it was hers- she said throw it away. I ordered the test. A swab kit for me and the toothbrush for her. Got the results last night - 100% exclusive. Tonite I contacted my "fathers" widow. He died 2 years ago. Although we were not close and I haven't spoken to this woman in years I just asked her - she was heistant and I told her I believed I was adopted and had DNA results - she said yes it was true. I don't know what I'll say to my "mother". Right now I'd like to find my birth parent(s). There is an odd peace about this - so many things make sense now. What I've learned - always go with your gut feeling - it's always right.

[chaos]

I also found out late was 35 when i found out. My mom died and then another relative died and in asking for pictures i innocently got sent back my birth announcement which showed i was brought home 3 months after i was born. I was able to verify it was true and I searched and to my surprise my birthmom was looking for me also. I was reunited 2 months after I found out I was adopted and she also kept me a secret from my brothers yet now we have a great relationship and working on still getting to know each other better. It does explain so much growing up and why I felt the way I did and how I was treated by all those around me that knew I was adopted and never told me. The funny thing I find is how people that kept the secret now no longer want anything to do with you. You never really were family in the first place it makes you feel.

[HAIR127]

HI! I JUST READ BOTH YOUR POSTS. I THINK IM ADOPTED. I THINK MY AUNT IS MY MOM. ANYWAY.... STEPHANIE WHAT YOU DID WITH THE DNA WAS GREAT!!! CAN YOU TELL ME A ROUND ABOUT FIGURE IT WOULD COST ME IF I DID THE SAME!? CHAOS..... HOW DID PEOPLE THAT KNEW YOU WERE ADOPTED BUT DIDNT TELL....HOW DID THEY TREAT YOU? HUGS AND GOOD LUCK!!!! JANET

[Stephaniejones]

Cost of the DNA Test:

I believe the total was around $500 - the childs swab kit was around $185 and then to test the kit against the toothbrush was around $400.

How did the people who knew treat me? I guess that will reveal it self as I go. As far as I know NO ONE who knows me knew. My "mother" has never told anyone, including the man she's lived with for 25 years. I have no living aunts, uncles or cousins that I'm aware of. I had an uncle that died when I was 11, but I doubt he ever knew. Everyone believes my father got stationed in Panama, my mother joined him and they came home with a baby, that my mother finally became pregnant after they moved there. Right now, other than my "fathers" widow, I have no idea who knew, but since I've never been exposed to any other family members I wouldn't have any idea.

[Neno]

Wow after reading all your replies I'm even more confused. I found out when I went to get married at 18 I was only 16. My birth certificate states my Moms name is Jerry Mae and her name is Jessie Faye. Jessie named her second husband as my biological father and he states that they were seperated and divorced for nearly three years before I was born and in another state. My named father on my birth certificate and I are in the waiting period for the DNA results now. There are no pictures of me from birth till about 3 or 4. Was told they were all lost. But she has pictures of my older brother, sister and younger sister. I have asked her who my biological father is. She has told me her second husband then she said she was raped by a black man & I am half black. I have dark straight hair, olive skin and blue eyes. She never tells me the same thing twice. I know the feeling of I dont quite belong in this family. My whole family is chaotic and dysfunctial. I'm not sure if my Mom is my Mom or not. She was very abusive while I was growing up. I was scared of her for a long time. We moved around a lot so some things I can't recall.Do you guys have any sugguestions of where I can search for some answers? Or is it near impossible when you don't even know a name to go by? I also understand lots of family secrets. My Mom was told once by a cousin that she better straighten up or she would tell me the secret. Unfortunaly that person has passed away so the secret went with her. Any help you can give on at least a place to start is greatly appreciated. Trena

[Stephaniejones]

Are you more concerned about who your father is, or if your mother is really your mother. It's easy to find out if your mother is really your mother - get her toothbrush or hairbrush. As long as the hair has a folicle they can test it. Since you're having DNA testing done you can talk to the same lab, they can help you.
Do you know where you were born? State? Hospital? Each state has different laws concerning adoption paperwork. I was lucky since mine took place in the Panama Canal and those records are not sealed. Good luck!

[Neno]

Originally posted by Stephaniejones
Are you more concerned about who your father is, or if your mother is really your mother. It's easy to find out if your mother is really your mother - get her toothbrush or hairbrush. As long as the hair has a folicle they can test it. Since you're having DNA testing done you can talk to the same lab, they can help you.
Do you know where you were born? State? Hospital? Each state has different laws concerning adoption paperwork. I was lucky since mine took place in the Panama Canal and those records are not sealed. Good luck!

I think my Mom is really my Mom just can't understand why she used a different name on my birth certificate. I do have two sisters and a brother who show her real name on their birth certificate. My younger sister is definately hers and we could do a siblingship test to see if we have the same mother. I guess more concerned about who my father is and whats all the secrets about. The birth certificate I have from Vital Statistics Bureau states I was born in Waco Texas at Providence Hospital. I'm not saying I was adopted because I dont know that. But like of of you there are holes in her stories and all the pieces dont fit. Thanks for your reply and good luck to you as well.

[HAIR127]

SECRETS AND LIES........SOUNDS FAMILIAR. COME TO MY THREAD AND READ...THAT MAY GIVE YOU SOME TIPS. ITS ABOUT MY AWSOME TIME CHART TO TELL THE TRUTH FROM THE LIES! JUST CLICK ON SEARCH UNDER MY POST AND IT WILL TAKE YOU TO MY THREADS. THEN CLICK ON.. MY AWSOME TIME CHART. SEE IF ANY OF IT SOUNDS FAMILIAR TO YOU! HUGS JANET