[dalhal]

Hello all,
I am writing to you all for advice. I am going down to visit my little guy for 5 days end of Feb. I am not planning on keeping him with me because I think that would be hard for him (7.5. months). We were down there in October with him for a wonderful week when he was 3.5 months. It didn't seem to matter to him.I am thinking he will definitely be said and not like being away from his FM for 5 days and then back with her. That is my first question for you all. Do you think I am right to just spend time with him and the FM or woud you keep him. I am going down with a friend so my hubby won't be there, and my friend has business to do with her baby while we are down there. My next question is a shmoozing question. Do you think it would make any difference to shmooze the attorney/facilitator or would they not even care. I would like to think that being down there would make things go faster or that I would find something out but I kind of have a feeling that it won't. We are back into PGN for the third time as some of you may know. I am of course, secretly hoping that we will get out of PGN. Any advice on the baby thing and the "what you can accomplish down there" thing would be appreciated.

dalhal

[DMDes]

I totally understand your difficulty, but maybe if you eased into it, like spend one day with the FM and your baby, and maybe the next day you can spend it with just him. I would want my baby with me, alone so you can bond..... this is only my feelings.


As for the smooshmoozing question: I would not even bother I doubt it will make any difference, unless of course your offering them cash.........

I hope this helps.

[becky]

I agree that easing in to it is the best thing. I would spend day one with FM and baby. Day two take baby to the hotel for the day, but back to the FM for sleeping that night. Day three and on...keep him with you. You would be surprised how many 7.5 month olds are still very social. A lot of the time, stranger anxiety still hasn't set in just yet.

As for the schmoozing the attorney...go for it. I would definitely ask to take him/her out to dinner at a nice restaurant. If you want the facilitator to join you then great. It might be a good time to actually get some real information about your case.

Hopefully, by the time you get there...you are out of PGN!!

Good Luck,

Becky

[SMS]

I accepted a referral of my daughter when she was 7 months old. I traveled down there 7 times to see her because her case took a little over a year. (abandonment) Everytime I went down there she stayed with me and as she got older...yes it got harder but she would stop crying in about 1 hr after the FM left her at the hotel. I always recommend to have your baby with you.

RE PGN because that is a Guatemalan court they tend to be less cooperative with Americans than they are with Guatemalans. As Nina said you would have to get your file # and then go there in person and check it out to see what the problem is. You can always try to go on your own and try the nice approach but of you are not good with Spanish it will be difficult.

I hope you can get this resolved soon.

Susanne

[Zoeysmom]

Hi Dalhal:

My husband and I went to Guatemala 2 weeks ago to spend time with our 7 month old daughter. When we met the foster mother with our little girl, I picked her up and she immediately started crying. I let the FM hold her while we got all details needed then when to the room. She cried for about 45 minutes, cried herself to sleep on my chest actually. When she woke up, she was a little doll. The rest of the time she was content and happy every day. Full of smiles and love for Mommy and Daddy. She was very attached to me though and cried almost everytime I was out of her sight. But as long as I was there, she was very happy. I wouldn't trade those 4 days for anything. The opportunity to parent her, for even a short time was priceless. And to meet her foster mother and see the level of care she is receiving was so reassuring. The fact that she adjusted so well to that short time is a testimony to the great care she is receiving. And her foster mother is lovely. My advice would be to spend that time with your baby and enjoy.

As to meeting the lawyer, absolutely. I don't know how much schmoozing you need to do, but I truly feel if the lawyer has a face to go with the paperwork, it may prompt them to be a little more on top of things. In our case, our attorney speaks no english. But our interpreter just happened to be our lawyers wife and it was the greatest meeting we could have had. She has also worked for the government and she immediately called her husband and asked him to pull our file. She said she would call us that evening with specifics on our case and she was very prompt. She has allowed us to contact her if need be (although there has been no need. As you we are back in for the 2nd time, 2 months in PGN). But I feel that since she has met us, there is
more personal attention being given to our case at the Guatemala end. Of course, there is the chance that your agency or your lawyer may not want a meeting, be prepared for that. But if you have his name, I would contact him.

Enjoy your trip and remember, kids are very resiliant. You may ber surprised and what a treasured time it will be for you.

Shauna

[dalhal]

Thank you all for your diverse advice. Obviously i have to figure this one out on my own. I think my head tells me to not disrupt my baby's schedule and care too much but my heart tells me that when I am there I will not want to let him out of my sight. The more I think about it the more I am thinking I may want to keep him with me. This time to parent him and bond with him by myself, just him and mommy will be awesome and something I will always treasure. I may even stay a few extra days in the hopes of making things move a little. I will definitely contact the attorney and the facilitator while down there. I am now wondering whether I should ask my agency to coordinate it or do it myself. I have all the numbers myself. I kind of think the agency will frown on it, so I think I will just let them handle the "getting the baby to me and returning the baby thing". I would love to have some kind of really specific reason as to why I want to get together with them that might entice them but I can't come up with anything except for, "here's some money, I hope that helps get my case moving". I really don't want to bribe them as I don't believe you should have to and it is unethical. I wouldn't be averse to taking them to a nice restaurant of their choice. Maybe what I will do is make it a larger party so it doesn't seem like I am just trying to pin them down. I will invite the translator too and maybe her son. What do you all think? I guess i am talking about "subtle shmoozin" that may let me ask some questions about the adoption. I am hoping that we will be out so I won't have to do this. Thanks again for all your advice.
I will keep you posted.
dalhal

[DMDes]

dalhal,

I think you are going about it the right way, follow your heart and if it feels right do it!

Good luck to you and please keep us posted. I am sure we can to learn from your experience.

DMDes

[Onesimus]

Be careful! I have seen multiple "ugly american" warnings regarding Americans going to countries like Guatemala and being too assertive. It seems to really agitate Latin Americans who don't share our North American zeal for productivity and speed.

One thought might be to do your best to establish some sort of personal relationship with the Guatemalan stakeholders. If they feel like they are working for you as opposed to the contents of your wallet, you might expect (and feel) better "service."

Andrew