[mediate24]

Hey everyone

I posted this on the general adoption board, but thought I would cross post here, too...

My son will be 5 in April and is going through a rough phase right now. He gets very upset very easily and the one thing he is doing that really bothers me is yelling out "I'm stupid or I'm an idiot." I really don't know where this is coming from other than he knows that those are "bad" words at our house. I also don't know if I should be concerned about this or if it is just his way to push the boundaries. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Thanks!

[joanr]

We have alot of the same behaviors. I believe some of it is the age; the other is related to my son's sensory issues. Our neighbors son (whom is not adopted) is doing the same things. It seems they are testing us to see what our limits will be.

I am however bringing our son in for OT for Sensory Integration Disorder. Our son is always on the go and has extreme highs and lows. We had him assessed and found out that his sensory system is not at age level. One friend said our son was having RADS symptoms due to his testing and energy level. I disagree, for he is very loving. So glad I looked into OT. Looking forward to getting the OT started (waiting on new insurance).

If you have no other concerns it may just be him testing limits , but if you have other concerns as we have you may want consider asking his pediatrician.

Interesting side note-Our sons have the same Birth date April 11, 2007.

-Joan

[Betelnut]

My daughter does the same thing, "I'm just a stupid little girl," etc. I think some if it is that she knows that it will get a reaction from me. I have never, never called her stupid so I'm not sure where it is coming from and it is quite distressing.

[dutchmum]

Same thing and he is a healthy almost 5 year old.
The other day while he did not get his way, I was stupid, mean mom and I don't like you.
After 30 minutes he came running telling me he loves me.
I really think it is the age, testing us and push their limits.

[sak9645]

If you tell a young child that a certain word is "bad", you can be sure that he/she (but especially little boys) will test it out. Whether it's "stupid" or "poo-poo head", or whether it's one of those words that you say while driving but don't want your child to repeat, you can be sure that you will hear it ad nauseam.

The best way to react when your child lets loose one of the words is not to react at all. In most cases, he/she is looking for a reaction, and nothing is funnier than Mom getting flustered and angry! If your child calls a playmate "stupid", you can remind him that name-calling hurts people's feelings, and have him/her apologize.

You can also tell him/her that calling himself/herself or someone else "stupid" means that he is saying that he, or the friend, learns more slowly than other people, or hasn't had a chance to learn something. Ask him/her if that's what he/she is trying to say. Tell him/her about the things that prove he's/she's NOT stupid -- like how quickly he/she learned to tie shoes, how well he/she reads "Cat in the Hat", how quickly he/she learned to use the Phillips head screwdriver to help Dad put together a bookcase, etc.

His/her reaction to your definition of "stupid" may give you some guidance as to whether he's/she's trying to pull your chain, or whether he/she really has some negative feelings about himself/herself. In most cases, the child will quickly get bored with the subject, roll his/her eyes, and move on to something new. But if your child gets upset and says, "I'm stupid because all the other kids can ride a bike and I can't", or "I'm stupid because I spilled paint on the floor at preschool and the teacher got mad," or "I'm stupid because I'm Chinese," you can probe further for a problem. and deal with it, either directly or by consulting a specialist.

Sharon

[joanc]

My son came home with the "hate" word. I hate you was his favorite phrase until I implemented "dime in the cup". I already explained to him on a couple occasions that it was a bad word and would not be used. I gave examples of how it can hurt and what it really means. He wanted to push buttons so he used it for effect. One day I got the idea to tell him that if I heard him use the word "hate" that I would put a dime in a cup on the table in the kitchen. When there were 3 dimes in the cup he would have to sit in time out. He ended up in time out and that was about it. The next time he used the word, he heard the dime drop into the cup and started saying "no, no, no, no dime in the cup". His younger brother also went through this with the phrase "you aren't my brother if..." and we still go through it at times. I use a penny for my younger one and a dime for the older one so we know who's who. I don't know why the fear they "penny/dime" but they do. I just have to put one coin in the cup and that ends the issue. I have to laugh at how well this has worked.